|Reviews for Obsessed|
| Kenta chapter 1 . 9/7/2013
You've ruined the best story I read that was a crossover FUCK YOU!
| mellamaet chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
I don't know why but I just found this really funny ))))) Good job XD
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
worked an diligent teenager
It was silent inside the gymnasium now, deceptively silent.
[Repetition – couldn’t it just say “deceptively silent” from the start?]
he could see all his surroundings.
[Obviously not, or he wouldn’t be looking for the next attack, he’d be bracing against it]
that was barely a small margin of comfort
But his body had long since reached its breaking point.
[Make up your mind: either he’s on an adrenaline rush and anxious for the next challenge, or he’s collapsing from exhaustion. If he’s tired, then he’d be NEAR the breaking point, not LONG SINCE (past tense)]
His red and green uniform hung in shreds around him.
[I don’t see Robin’s friends just sitting back and watching if his uniform is IN SHREDS – it doesn’t even usually get that bad when he’s fighting top-level baddies like Slade]
His legs could barely support his own body weight anymore, but he didn't care.
[If he doesn’t care, why are you telling us? That informs the audience that it’s not that important]
Worry was thick in those eyes as her friend was suddenly attacked.
[Extremely passive sentence]
tunneler robot had erupted up from underneath
[Passive – just taking out “had” would add a lot of directness and energy to the scene]
throwing him from the crumbling pillar.
[How did a digging robot manage to tunnel UP THROUGH A NARROW PILLAR without being noticed?]
In her haste, Starfire paid little attention to the others if they got in her way.
[IF they got in her way? So are they there or not? Keep the details focused and relevant, it helps strengthen your story and keep audience interest]
that she had knocked the door clean off the wall with a rather large dent in it.
[Which did she do, dent it or knock it off the wall? And don’t many of the doors slide, which would mean that the door would be _torn out of the wall_?]
Gently setting him on the closest table,
[Why isn’t Robin protesting during being snatched from his training and dragged bodily down to the medical room?]
he wouldn't answer, even if he wasn't unconsciousness,
[Is he? You didn’t tell us]
Or else he wouldn't be suitable to be on the team, much less the leader.
[We kinda get the point…]
He knew not where or why.
[With the number of ‘knows nots/whys’, why should your audience care?]
A need to help, to protect, to love.
[…to use fragmented sentences…]
The second figure was also quite tall, though not as tall as the first.
[How clear and vivid! /sarcasm]
Yet Starfire's large and eager smile drew his attention as well.
[Issue: Robin doesn’t really start paying any romantic attention to Starfire until after his first serious arc with Slade. Your story indicates it’s before that]
it was quite clear who the medic was.
[Because the bandages are a mess?]
She was so kind and loving, and especially lovely.
[So many generalizations and judgments, I don’t even know where to start to put forth something concrete that Robin would actually rally behind. What this comes across as is boring]
Okay, it’s obviously a Robin-Starfire fic that references his obsession with overcoming Slade, but I really don’t see anything else to prop it up. The scene doesn’t have a lot of resonant emotional details to ground your audience in the what, how and why of the characters. Add specificity and it will strengthen your story a lot.
| Katie - Lyn Della Robia chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
It wasn't what i thought it would be but it was still really good!
| chewing.on.PEARLS chapter 1 . 4/5/2009
Oh my! I really liked this! You're a very talented writer, I couldnt tear my eyes away from this story! Very well done!
| Romancelover1321 chapter 1 . 12/4/2008
I like the story and it is so true. Keep up the hard work.
| StarFreak01 chapter 1 . 8/18/2007
Poor Starfire. D:
Minor fluff, but just enough to keep the seriousness of it. very, very good. :3
| Brooklynnx chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
Too bad its a oneshot-I would've really liked this to continue. Great job!
| JH chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Wow. Caught them rather well, didn't you. I couldn't tell this was your first work in the teen titans fandom; the characters are unusaully in character. (Normally Robin's barely obsessive and Starfire is just la-de-da.) I'm impressed. Wonderful work.
| Romantical3 chapter 1 . 5/23/2006
Okay I don't read Naruto but no one told me you were as well a diehard Robin and Starfire fan! I love them! (Almost as much as Inuyasha and Kagome!) THis is an awsome story you got here... Uber congrats!
| sumpineruder chapter 1 . 8/19/2005
| starangel4eva chapter 1 . 8/9/2005
what are u wack hello this is no this has to hav another chap now
| someone chapter 1 . 8/9/2005
so he didn't shose her...well o well this was a great story
| DaughterofPoseidon25 chapter 1 . 8/8/2005
Could you have let them kiss? Oh well. Great story. :)
| StarryTian chapter 1 . 8/7/2005
No! Robin, stop training! Poor Starfire! Too bad this is a one shot... *sigh*... it would make SUCH a great story! Well, it was great! Keep writing, 'cuase you know I'll be reading!
Over and out,