Reviews for Holiday Gatherings
pbow chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
You did a great job with this arc but I think Monique came off as having double standards during the IM chat when she said The Ronster should not have chased after the ladies during Spring Break. That happened during the 2nd season in Episode 9. During the 2nd season, chapter 28 "Truth Hurts" Kim siad (under the effects of the truth ray) that she wanted to chase after Bobby Johnson.

If Kim can chase after her hotties, why can't Ron? Talk about having cake and eating it too.

Also, you're not using the correct term for agreeing when you have a character say "I say". The correct way to put it is "I'll say" which means thaty they concur with what the other person is saying. "I say" is used just before they would give out their own DIFFERENT opinion.

I would say you are trying to write slightly above your current level of comfort; that you're trying too hard. (I know I fall into that habit once in a while too.) I could cite a few more examples but I think you get my drift.

Don't get me wrong. You're a very creative writer and have come up with a wonderful storyline. Keep up the good work.

pbow
Reader101w chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
Sweet story,

Kim, Ron and Debra able to reunite with their families for a couple of days. Monique, Felix, George and Loretta having a nice quiet time while still enjoying a good thanksgiving.

In my opinion the chat room session was done very good, not often is this style used in stories, but you make it work very well. especially by keeping it to one perspective (Georges POV)

keep up the good writing,

reader101w
Jasminevr chapter 1 . 8/12/2005
Nice job.