|Reviews for A Little Headache|
| AngelSilverWing1 chapter 1 . 12/13/2013
That was cute I loved it!
| Lady Fai chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
Sooo cute! I love it! I can just imagine it!
| QueenOfShinou chapter 1 . 9/28/2006
No spelling or grammar errors. Nice. You kept the characters OOC, but I could do without Seto swearing. Moki's dialog was just great, and your final score is...*thinks for a while* 27. You got 3 points knocked off with the whole Seto swearing thing.
| Fluoxetine chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
Again, good job on writing Mokuba's speech.
| d84 chapter 1 . 1/12/2006
that was so cute&sweet. i really enjoyed reading it.
| Slightly Sinister Sinestra chapter 1 . 12/10/2005
You know what? I love your work. You're going on my fav author list.
| DreamWriterColabs chapter 1 . 12/10/2005
very nice, I enjoyed reading this
| dragonlady222 chapter 1 . 11/10/2005
This was really cute and Realistic with 3 year olds. I love it.
| Danny-Lynn chapter 1 . 9/5/2005
AW! That was so cute!
| Xael chapter 1 . 9/4/2005
aw thats so cute, my bros help me with dishes all the time, its true i belive that most of us do think of the bad times in his past, i know i do, but he did have good times i'll bet. i love this story favorites
| cherry-star-aus chapter 1 . 8/28/2005
yeah I guess but bad is so much fun and better
| Tawnykit chapter 1 . 8/22/2005
Aww... _ What else is there to say? I loved it; so cute!
| Mystical Sand chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
This was so sweet. It is nice to see a happier memory from Seto's childhood, and little Mokuba was cute. Even at that age, they were very close. This is a great story.
| Caorann fridh Bronach chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
This was quite the touching little story. You haven’t done too many one shots, but this is a great one. Inspired by a good reason, too. But you know…dishwashers are not *really* doing the dishes. It’s my turn again here, too, I think…
Anyway, one of the first techniques that hit me was the accurate toddler talk. That really made a lot of sense and added much to how touching it was. I could really hear young Mokie talking and plus how convinced he was that his way was right. It certainly brought back some memories of my young cousins and neighbor, so you get full points for accuracy.
Another great section was the fact that this story did focus on the good part of Seto’s life. Like you said, not enough stories focus on that, and this was astounding for its change in direction as well as truthfulness. The last line made the entire story put into a perspective that summed it all up. Some optimism from you that didn’t seem scary: “he thought that sometimes, at least, a little headache made the day better.”
Okay, now to the beginning of the story.
Such a normal line, a depiction of a chore, all in a paragraph on its own doesn’t seem very important. But how you then give it a history and even a mood through young Seto truly makes the predicament of doing the dishes into something very annoying plus very interesting.
As could be expected, Seto seems much older than eight. But given his circumstances and just the way he is as a person, I believe he would be. Deciding he wanted to love alone and care for his brother…well, that surprised me, but it seemed like Seto. So, doing the next best thing—taking off when he was old enough to be free from the state—is exactly what he would decide.
Even putting in the tone with the curse doesn’t seem out of place for this mature-for-his-age boy. I think, of all the writers on this site, you’re the one who has best managed to capture Kaiba’s character. No matter what you’re writing, you always know him so closely and describe him so accurately. It wouldn’t surprise me if you knew Kaiba better than Takahashi himself.
Having the backdrop of an annoying and unappreciative family makes the contrast of Mokuba so much more defined and much more lovable. Mokuba is the only family Seto has, even when he is with his aunt and uncle.
Seto’s entire predicament reminded me of Cinderella, truthfully, and I’ve even read one take on that fairy tale where the step-mother was always having headaches as an excuse to get out of helping with chores.
Very depressing that Seto wouldn’t complain. Yet, again, that is honestly his take on it all, and it is obvious to see how he’s been the strict businessman all his life and even how his life made him one. I did feel sorry for Seto when you described his life so intimately. And at that moment, too, Mokuba wasn’t much of an asset it’d seem.
That, of course, is what you show us. Even though Mokuba is only three or so, he’s of immense help to his brother—he keeps his brother sane and even optimistic. And that is a great message, my friend, and a great perspective on Seto.
Contrasting the day as having him sure it was going to be terrible and ending up to be very inspiring was fantastic. Sounds like real life that way.
Mokuba seems like a quiet kid, knowing what he can play with and what he can’t. I would imagine Seto taught him well, so capturing the boy’s spirit that way shows how well you, as I’ve said, know the characters.
Heh, Seto doesn’t like to get up at five in the morning? I think that was more you than Seto for once…
Usually, incomplete sentences like Mokuba uses—“What doing, bwudder?”—irk me to no end. It reminds me too much of the stereotypical orc-talk. But, maybe with the inclusion of the way he talks or maybe because I can imagine a tiny cute boy, but here, it doesn’t drive me mad enough to eat glass. I find it making me want to smile.
This is so very true and a laughable image: “Mokuba evidently had some pattern in his little head that decided proper dish etiquette required opening a separate cupboard for each one.” You know your kids…but then, of course you would.
Somehow, you managed to make the mundane task very intriguing, as intriguing as mundane tasks always are when kids first discover them. Seeing how the dishes were “required” to be put away and Mokuba’s insistence on his way being the right way is really, really an aspect I can’t get enough of. Downright…cute.
Help from a youngster does indeed seem to end up being more work than help, but their fresh perspective and innocent, simple way of seeing things always makes the task more meaningful, as you show.
Excellent description you have here that sticks out in my mind very vividly: “Glasses went in a haphazard design all about the rack, plates on top of them and silverware stuck anywhere in between. Some of the glasses went in upside down, like they were supposed to, but some of them went right side up, causing more than a little frustration for the three-year-old boy. Once these glasses were set up correctly (in Mokuba’s mind), they became dispensers for the silverware. Some held a lot, some held a single spoon.” Such an organized mess the little guy makes it all, and being able to visualize it so precisely adds much more fun to the story.
Mokuba insisting on doing the knives really did make me smile. Fortunately, that was one argument that Seto did win.
Both brothers insisting the other is the silly one is one of those playful arguments that just make a warm feeling in the center of the being. Can’t ever get enough of that, you know. So feel free to write more of them. I’d gladly anticipate any such stories, even an evil being like myself.
For some reason, through all the story, I imagined Mokuba with a sippy cup held in his hand and a blanket trailing from the other. It must be because you truly got his age down and his attitude and actions make it all so realistic. This story was more proof of your amazing storytelling skills that paints such a colorful picture that even as short as it is and with plenty of dialogue, the characters’ actions are completely evident and obvious. Really fantastic work, here.
How much of this was based on what happened when you were doing the dishes, I wonder?
| Hoshi Gin Tsukino chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
i like this! please update soon!