Another good story. Not as enjoyable to me as the others, not by far, but enough to prove once again you are a very skilled writer.

The German language employed in this fic is atrocious, however. I would know, I'm a native German myself. I don't blame you, however, I heard German is a very difficult language to learn, and if you don't know it at all, well, you're basically screwed trying to write it.

I'm willing to help you out, though, if you care enough to correct the mistakes. The bar is spelled in two different ways, but both are wrong. Unless misspelled on purpose, the name's 'Unglaublich' (note the L), which means 'Unbelievable'.

The sourcebook you mention; again, unless deliberately spelled wrong, should be called 'Deutschland in den Schatten', the translation supplied is accurate.

The term 'liebchen' which Madga uses as an endearment isn't one used in today's German at all. Right now, I can think of two possible substitutes: You could either use 'liebling', if you wanted the word root to stay the same. The term is purely affectionate, however, and not something you use on someone you just met. I believe you should substitute with 'Schätzchen'. The word is both affectionate and derisory, and depending on tone of voice and the kind of relationship between the persons concerned, a strong emphasis can be placed on either quality. The way Magda comes across otherwise, it would definitely be affectionate and slightly teasing, which I think is what you originally intended. Only problem is where to get the 'ä' 'Umlaut'-character, as it probably isn't on your keyboard. should allow the character, though, unlike many non-character symbols which just get zapped (annoys me to no end as well).

The 'Da' word she uses frequently has me stymied, though. I have absolutely no idea on what your intention with it is. If you wanted to replace it, you'd have to tell me exactly what it is supposed to mean, or give me an English equivalent.

And if you want for Hoffman's name to sound German (as you probably do, since he is the equivalent of a neonazi), you should write it with two N at the end. Same goes for other names that end with man(n).

There was another location name that was misspelled which I can't remember right now, although Chapter 3 seemed to be clean.

Otherwise, this story is interesting enough. Just a little too much fighting for it to be a really fun read, but I guess that is inherent if it is based on this type of game. As long as you have other projects, I won't be sad if this gets put on hold indefinitely.

Quizer

Excellent story, I hope you continue this at some time in the (near?) future.

Now my guess for the secret - he is similar to Ryan Mercury (aka Quicksilver). Do I need to spell that out? If yes I can do so of course :)

Aw, this is the end of the story for now? I think you should keep working on it... This and one other story inspired me to make and adept, plus this is more of a cliff hanger ending than anything.

MORE MORE MORE..or some dark night..nothing will happen...bwahahahaha:} This si the first pure shadorun fic I have read, and I like it..this from a crossover junkie..are you ever going to finish this?

ThunderGod

Well, I'm liking it so far, but I'm assuming this is based in the 2nd Edition rule set? Either way I'm very much enjoying the story. Keep it coming, you had a couple errors in it grammar/spelling wise, but the story is good. I just recently made an Adept under the SR3 Rules though.