|Reviews for KamiSama Punishes Nabiki and Then Some|
| Guest chapter 12 . 1/31
Oh PLEASE UPDATE this NEEDS to be continued
| Lamorak Korving chapter 11 . 2/9/2014
I find it rather amusing, and slightly ironic, that Ranma Saotome, who is scared of
cats, should receive help in curing him of his ailurophobia by none other than
Bastet, the Goddess of cats.
| Lamorak Korving chapter 10 . 2/9/2014
I really don't think Nabiki and Ranma would work out very well. In fact, and I believe
I have said this before, I think the best match-up for Ranma is Hotaru. As for who
else I think Ranma might got on well with is Urd, because they are both tough
cookies whose attitude is more or less "I-don't-take-shit-from-anyone".
| Lamorak Korving chapter 9 . 2/9/2014
Setsuna is too cryptic with her replies most of the time, and Rei Hino, also known
as Sailor Mars, is too fierce. Minako and Makoto are too boy-crazy for Ranma to be
comfortable around them, and whilst Ami Mizuno, a.k.a. Sailor Mercury, is highly
intelligent, Ranma is not all that smart, and would probably make him extremely
uncomfortable. But Hotaru Tomoe, alias Sailor Saturn, would most likely make an ideal
person to match Ranma up with.
| Lamorak Korving chapter 8 . 2/9/2014
Of all the Tendo sisters for Ranma to marry, I have always preferred Kasumi over
Nabiki or Akane. If you want to know why, I'll tell you. Nabiki Tendo has always
been a scheming, manipulative, money-grabbing bitch. And Akane? Akane is even
worse. She's no martial artist, she's an excessively violent, man-hating, delusional
psychopathic fool with the belief that she's better than Ranma! As if! She'll NEVER
be as good as Ranma. It wouldn't surprise me if she is revealed to be a lesbian!
| Lamorak Korving chapter 7 . 2/9/2014
It is nice to see Akane finally admit to what is basically her own fault, and to see
Ranma and Sailor Saturn-who are both misunderstood lonely individuals finally finding
happiness in each other's company. I hope Ryoga finally realizes that most of his
problems have nothing to do with Ranma, but knowing Ryoga Hibiki, I think it is
highly unlikely that he will admit he is at fault.
| Lamorak Korving chapter 3 . 2/9/2014
It is nice to see Nabiki Tendo finally getting punished by Kami-
sama, especially as most of her money-making schemes are
downright criminal, since she resorts to blackmail, bribery, coercion and intimidation-very serious criminal activities that
could easily land Nabiki in jail. This it is a very fitting and
humane punishment she has been given. But will she learn
her lesson? Well, in the words of the Seventh Doctor, "Time
will tell. It always does".
| Nysk chapter 11 . 12/8/2011
Heh. Nice to see Ranma getting some training. I look forward to learning more about what happened and what will happen to Ranma
| Nysk chapter 2 . 12/8/2011
Please continue this tale... pleaseeeeeeeee
| Raynze76 chapter 12 . 6/12/2011
Great story am saddened that it was not completed or ever updated
| FaerieKnight197 chapter 12 . 6/1/2011
Will this be continuing? Please don't let it end here.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 1 . 12/1/2010
Good start, now why did Ranma pass out? I see no reason for that. Unless it is the doing of Kami-sama.
| Chargone chapter 7 . 8/17/2010
the following (which i wrote before this paragraph) may sound kinda harsh. this is at least in part a side effect of me Wanting to like this story and help you improve... and Dinosaurs. their appearance in this context, not their existence.
ok, the first half of this chapter pretty much shattered all pretense of maintaining a suspension of disbelief.
possessed Ukyo could have given you an entire chapter's worth of stuff, maybe an ongoing story arc, even. As it is? nothing. Another instance of 'would have worked better if presented in the order it happened'. especially if the thing possessing her was smarter.
more importantly: Barney. What. The. Hell?
the worst part about this is that, having included the sailor scouts, and thus their enemies, you could have used a legitimate threat that actually fit within the world you're working in. Heck, given the way the Yoma work, you could have had one that was Basically Barney, or at least a parody there of, justified it, got in the apparently desired dinosaur bashing, and actually had an interesting fight scene.
what you've got here? no. That was poorly done, unnecessary, and broke the sense of 'reality', for want of a better word, that you had going. You had a fairly serious story going, then, bam. Dinosaur-bashing. could have got away with it as an Omake (or however you spell it) or something of that nature, but not as part of the main story.
Ukyo's actions didn't even require her to be possessed, incidentally. I've seen other fanfic get her doing similar things simply by informing her father that she can't marry Ranma, being told that she then has to kill him, and not having found a way out of it (yet).
The second half of the chapter, at least, is back to the quality you had before. plenty of room for improvement, mind you, but much better.
| Chargone chapter 6 . 8/17/2010
actually stuff i realized i should have included in the last review after i submitted it:
i was a bit worried initially by how you dealt with the Neko-ken. It looked like a cheap quick fix out of nowhere. I still think Ranma accepted it too easily, as so far as he was concerned it Did come out of nowhere, but how you handled the actual practical results, i think, was very well done.
Pluto's interactions with... herself... :S and resulting knowledge should really have been in the realm of 'show, not tell', which is to say, there probably should have been a scene showing that event, from her perspective (not her future self's perspective) prior to Ranma meeting the senshi. It would not have changed how strange it is that Ranma accepts everything there so easily, but it Would have reduced the jarring randomness of the sailor's reactions (or non reactions, more like), as well as left the reader with an easier time of accepting things.
that scene was another one where a lot of the sailor scouts just stood around doing nothing, btw. There was no evidence, that i remember seeing, that the outers were even There until Pluto starts talking, and still none that the rest of the outers are present (again, i may be miss remembering) until they are introduced at the Tendo dojo. This is, admittedly, at least partially due to what the reader considers to be the default assumed contents of the group, members wise, of course.
on a different note: Sailor Jupiter. her civilian name in the English dubs (at least, i assume that's where it comes from) has always annoyed me. how on Earth did they come up with 'Lita'? bafflement and confusion goes here. Serena is obviously coming from 'Serenity' (for moon), Ami/Amy... I'm not even sure if they actually changed the spelling or not. Minako/Mina, reasonable enough if you can't leave well enough alone and just use the Japanese name, Rei... i can't actually remember what they did with this one, though 'Rae' as an abbreviation of 'Raven' is not unheard of, so they may have kept it. but how do they get 'Lita' from Makoto or Jupiter? (also, was Lita a moderately common name in the USA at the time or something so people would be more likely to recognize that than they were Makoto? certainly wouldn't have been the case here :S)
err... the above paragraph had nothing much to do with the fic at this point, sorry. hehe.
| Chargone chapter 5 . 8/16/2010
say no to exclamation mark abuse now!
They have little or no place in 3rd person narrative unless the thoughts of a character are being expressed at the time, or as part of an onomatopoeia such as 'Wham!'. They also don't really work when attached to the same piece of dialog as sad or depressed expressions. They mark, well, exclamations, which are energetic, associated with anger, joy, or excitement. (or, admittedly, just an excess of volume). if you're writing from the first person perspective, of course, the rules change a bit, in that things that surprised the view point character at the time may be deserving also.
Also, the sailor scouts seem to spend a lot of time standing around as background characters and not doing anything in this chapter. It probably would have been useful to find those of them who aren't actually needed something else to do (school? jobs? homework? :D)
third, the characters emotions and attitudes seem to shift somewhat randomly. looks like you know what you're trying for but not how to word it to get that particular effect across.
and finally: dialog.
when a new person starts speaking, start a new line. the only non-dialog text on the same line as the dialog itself should be describing actions taken by the speaker (including facial expressions and the like) While they're talking. when they're done, new speaker, new line. actions by someone other than the speaker? new line. the conversation between Shampoo and Nabiki is a particularly noticeable example of this problem.