|Reviews for Lucifer's tale|
| Illusion Sky chapter 14 . 3/6/2007
Horray! 14th chapter! Fourteen is my personal favorite number. Well...uhh, you know...anyway, keep up the good work.
| annethepyro chapter 14 . 2/22/2007
I am interested in beta-reading for this story. I would like to know what I would have to do.
| IronCross chapter 13 . 12/18/2006
You know, your are probably the only writer I've seen so far that spared Dion and Arlleen (forgot her name, fuck it) anyway, nice change of pace. Yeah, I'm back. Boot camp sucked, but I finanlly at my duty station in Alaska. And the troops just came back, well... most of them. Look forward to reading your chapters. And feel free to drop a forum or comment about my story. For some reason, I think people lost interest in my story... I didn't wait that long did I?
| Illusion Sky chapter 13 . 12/2/2006
Wow...Vendeeni gone mad as always...yep...
Kick their stinkin' ass! -is what I'll say.
| Illusion Sky chapter 12 . 11/7/2006
just to let you know, I am reviewing like I've never knew.
:HOLY BEEP! THAT IS SO COOL! Wonder what kind of tricks Maria would put up. Probably a lukewarm and a bit of a attitude. But anyway, can't wait for MORE!
| ClaudeLv250 chapter 2 . 6/24/2006
I saw your link in your sig on the SO3 GameFAQs board. I've only read the first few chapters, but there's some gripes...I don't want to sound anal, but hopefully you can improve with what I have to say.
First is spelling and grammar. There are mistakes in both chapters, and even in the chapter titles...in the story themselves, they're near-frequent. Do you have MS word? Spellcheck could help with the spelling. The grammar and lack of punctuation, however, makes the story sound like it's being told by a hyper child. You said you "changed" chapter 1 to make it more "readable" but there are just as many mistakes in that chapter as there are here.
Then there's the mistakes regarding the game. They're not on "Hydra," they're on "Hyda IV." Andi t's "Symbology," not "Symbologie." Also, you said that you wre heading straight for a city...but Fayt and Sophia aren't near the city. Finally, the amount of time that passes makes no sense...adding it up, your character spends about 4 weeks there. The rpbolem with that, though, is that Fayt and co. are on vacation, they don't live there. Vacations rarely last for a whole month, especially considering how important Robert Leingod is to the Federation. He may have gotten 2 weeks at the most, not to mention that Fyat and Sophia both have school to attend. And speaking of Sophia, she is NOT a student of symbological genetics. If there's anything the game makes clear, it's that genetic engineering is forbidden.
And finally, for you character...Lucifer? I was confused at first, because the antagonist of the game is named Luther/Lucifer, so I assumed that you were writing about him, which would be interesting...I can already tell that your character is an adaptation of a self-insert, but you really skip out on the details. We don't even know what he looks like or how he's dressed. But worst of all, you're heading into dangerous Gary Stu territory. By the end of the second chapter, he's already outperforming the canon characters...don't listen to the other reviewer. Gary Stus are not cool.
| Illusion Sky chapter 11 . 5/19/2006
Man, You're so cool!
| Illusion Sky chapter 8 . 5/19/2006
Man! You're so cool! Silver hair, and blood red? With Katana? Please keep writing.
| Illusion Sky chapter 7 . 5/18/2006
Sweet! You're really good at fighting! I can't wait to read the next few chapters that I missed!
| IronCross chapter 11 . 5/15/2006
Okay, that last part caught my attention, a vision of the past? the future? Keep writing my friend, what you have in stored looks very promising indeed.
Work on your spelling
| IronCross chapter 10 . 5/15/2006
So far so good, just need to tweak your spelling.
| ThrogmortenMimic chapter 10 . 5/5/2006
Yay! This is realy good! And you are develpoing the characters well. I still wonder about Lucifer's past though... And you have done a good job with Adray, few writers do, or even try.
But, you need to thoroughly read through your story for grammatical and spelling errors. Spelling checkers will not say "on" is wrong if the correct word is "of" for instance. Maybe find a beta reader?
Anyway, keep writing, i eargerly await new updates!
| IronCross chapter 9 . 4/27/2006
Very good, your writing has improved considerbly! But I caught something that stood out like a sore thumb...
His claw was completely ruined and hung limply by his side. his left leg also looked pretty damaged and was bleeding as well. His shirt was blown to pieces as well, revealing that his body was, besides being covert in minor scars, hurted badly.
There was blood coming from the side of his head, his shoulder, mouth and various places on his leg. His nose was bleeding as well.
In this paragraph, you used "AS WELL" three times. Never use certain words several times in a row, makes you look like a 5th grader.
Other than that, great chapter. I also am impressed that you didn't make your character invincable, some writers have a nasty habit of doing that.
Keep it up.
| ThrogmortenMimic chapter 9 . 4/25/2006
Your grammar is coming along too. And spelling is better. try reading the story slowly a few times. That helps to pick up mistakes. And if you're tired, you'll miss them. I know from experiance, lol.
But i like the way this story goes. Well, i hate it whenever Albel looses anything. But, writing Albel winning that would be difficult. Anyway, keep this up! I like it heaps bro. lol
| IronCross chapter 8 . 4/16/2006
Yes finally, you got the spacing right (Hoorah!) Now all you have to do is correct the small spelling errors here and there and your story should be almost perfect!