Reviews for A Tangled Web
MomoOhMomo chapter 11 . 6/14/2010
I just took the time to read through all of these today, and I've gotta say I think this is my all time favorite MomoxJr story. Mainly, because it's so much more than that, and I love how you're able to write such cute and sweet conversations between them without over doing it or stepping out of character. It's honestly really impressive, not too many people seem to be able to do that. I love the way you word things and the dialogue gives me goose bumps sometimes. You're very talented, and I understand completely that you're busy. I haven't been able to update a lot of things on my other sites either, but you really should keep this going, or at least finish it to give us some closure, but it's understandable if you don't. Either way, this will always be my all time favorite Xenosaga fanfic, and thank you so much for sharing it. :)
DarkXRock chapter 11 . 5/3/2010
omg, great story so far, i hope you plan to continue it, no rush, but just dont forget, please!
Aiselne Phoenix Nocturnus chapter 11 . 3/5/2010
First of all, I apologize for not submitting a review sooner. This fanfic has been on the back of my mind for a while, and I’m glad to finally be able to read and review it. You’ve got such a sweet story here, so I'm gonna' try to make my review worthwhile. _

I can’t tell you how many Jr./MOMO fanfics I’ve read that get overwhelmingly sappy, but I’m pleased to see this story isn’t one of those cases. Jr. and MOMO’s relationship is apparent in this fic, but it never gets nauseating. Quite the contrary, you portray their relationship in a very sweet, slightly subtler way, and I applaud that. If anything, this story is more “dramatic” than anything else. The emotional turmoil MOMO and Jr. undergo is quite interesting. They want to be together, but it always seems as though something drives a wedge between them. Yet, that’s what makes things interesting, of course.

Adult Jr./MOMO stories are popular, not that I mind. _~ I liked how your story balances Jr. and MOMO’s adult personalities with slivers of their old selves, without making them seem immature. Their date was cute (and it’s so typical of Jr. to claim it’s not a “date,” just like his notorious “it’s not like that” line whenever people tease him about liking Sakura or MOMO. Hehe). I liked MOMO’s reasons for growing, though I did find Jr.’s growth less clear and more ambiguous than the aforementioned. Nonetheless, I like the way you portray the grown Jr., especially how he retains the quirks from his smaller body, even if his old habits don’t bode well in adult form. I chuckled at this scene: “As was his habit, Jr dropped to the floor sitting, even though it wasn’t all that comfortable anymore due to his growth.” – I can totally picture that happening.

So far, my favorite element in this story regards Jr. and MOMO’s visions, rather reminiscent of Shion’s visits by Nephilim. Of course, I tend to be a fan of dreams/premonitions, anyway, but the point is that I think you handled Jr. and MOMO’s visions very well. Sakura and Albedo’s appearances were great sources to foreshadow the ominous future at the hands of a Yuriev-possessed Gaignun. Plus, it’s great to see Sakura and Albedo’s roles be *helpful* in this story, unlike many Jr./MOMO fanfics that portray Sakura and/or Albedo as unpleasant hindrances in Jr. and MOMO’s relationship. I can absolutely envision Sakura trying to help MOMO and Jr., even if all she can do is appear via apparitions. Plus, it makes more sense that visions of Sakura and/or Albedo would appear to Jr. and MOMO, instead of going the Nephilim route.

Me being a fan of the U.R.T.V. twins, I found Ch.7’s vision very sweet. . I do like the idea of Albedo trying to help Jr. (backing up his warning about Nigredo’s “shadow”). Honestly, when I first read this story, I found Albedo’s newfound benevolence squeaking OOC. Even after Episode 2, the wounds each twin inflicted upon each other were far from healed. But when I stop to think about it, I suppose Albedo trying to assist Jr. (in this story) is not out of the question. Aside the fact that this fic is an AU, this story also takes place six years after Episode 2. That’s plenty of time for the twins to not necessarily forgive and forget, but for Jr. and Albedo to come to a mutual/symbiotic truce. Granted, Albedo harbored a grudge against Rubedo for fourteen years after Miltia, but the difference in this fic’s timeframe is Albedo’s liberated from his U-DO infection. So, I do like this idea, and it is conceivable for your story. If anything, it’s nice to read a fanfic where the twins are willing to do things for each other without strings attached.

I’m also glad this story has a generous incorporation of other Xenosaga characters. Shion/Allen’s marriage was precious (and AJ is utterly adorable!). Ziggy’s paternal chat with MOMO was sweet, and I’m glad you’re utilizing Gaignun’s possession by Yuriev to set the stage for this fic’s antagonist. I’m looking forward to learning more about Yuriev’s intentions, now that he’s making a more prominent role come Ch.11. And wow, this fanfic also includes Citrine, who’s almost always forgotten in fanfics! I prefer well-rounded casts like this one. The focal points are still Jr. and MOMO, but the rest of the (large) XS cast doesn’t get forgotten, either.

If you accept constructive criticism, my advice only regards typography. True, there are some spelling errors, but not enough to prevent me from enjoying this overall story. However, I do recommend varying the typography regarding character dialogue and character thoughts. Both spoken dialogue and character thoughts are written in quotation marks, so it’s sometimes confusing to tell when a character is talking, or when a character is thinking to oneself. Inserting character thoughts in italics or parentheses are simple ways to denote unspoken sentences. Only Ch.10 used this italic technique, and for future chapters (and/or for revisions of previous chapters) I’d recommend sticking with Ch.10’s typography style, because that episode’s style was most fluid. I hope this suggestion helps.

Otherwise, I’ve enjoyed this fanfic so far. The drama is quite good, the romance is comfortable, and your fic has some super-cute moments, too. Most other Jr./MOMO multi-chaptered fics I’ve read make my eyes roll, but your story actually made me smile...many times. _ Thank you for that, and good luck with any future chapters!
sorasqueenb chapter 10 . 10/15/2008
OMGOSH!

UPDATE NOW IM GONNA CRYY!

This seriously deserves more than 15 reviews :)
XenosagaFan chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
Hi this was really amazing you have alot of talent. I was kinda wondering, I'm new to this site and wanted to know if you could talk me through this. I wanted to post this story I wrote but don't know how. Thanks!
NeverTooMuchInspiration chapter 10 . 12/5/2007
Well there is a rather foreboding ending. I look forward to knew chapters for this!
GarnetLove chapter 10 . 6/4/2007
Aww...that Jr.& MOMO part was so sweet...Hope u'll update really soon!
MilesAboveFantasy chapter 9 . 9/16/2006
Cool!
NeoChick chapter 7 . 10/3/2005
SJ! OMG THIS CHAPTER WAS FANTASTIC! You should be so proud of yourself! I'm so Impressed, Tangled Web is really high on my list of favorite. Well done! *glomps* I can't wait for more.

smiles,

Neo
KP-X chapter 6 . 9/20/2005
Aw ;-; It's so cute! I love the Jr./MOMO fluff and angst of this story, and I hope you continue to write more soon! *Adds to favorite stories list*
NeoChick chapter 5 . 9/15/2005
My poor Gaignun! I so want to give him a huge hug *huggles her bishie* poor thing. Love the chapter as always. I though you did a good job at Gaignun's character, solid. He's definatley not one of the easiest to write. Any I wish you lots of luck with your future writing endevors (not that you need it)Can't wait for more yummy chocolate flavored ficcie!

smiles,

Neo
KP-X chapter 4 . 9/10/2005
Love it so far It's cute, but so sad ;-; My only suggestion is to go into a little more physical detail. You didn't describe any changes in Jr. or MOMO in the beginning, despite the fact that it was 6 years after XS2 ended. Just my opinion. But keep writing! :D
NeoChick chapter 4 . 9/9/2005
Aw... I nearly cry everytime I read that chappie. Come on MOMO you must admit that you loves Jr! I mean sure he was maybe a little posseive but he only doing it cause he loves you and doesn't want you to get hurt. *takes MOMO and Jr plushie and pushes them together* You must get back together. Oi SJ, if you don't get them back together, you better sleep with one eye open. That is if you ever slept. Besides I'm just kidding *glomps* I can't wait for the next chappie I hope it comes soon so I can bask in your wonderful story writing.

smiles,

Neo
NeoChick chapter 3 . 9/9/2005
OH noes! MOMO! Please don't let her die, please don't let her die! *puppy eyes* I'll give you lots and lots of chocolate just please don't let her die! Awesome chappie, even my Gaignun wants him to confess and get back together with her hehehe. See Jr, you gotta work hard to win her heart back! I'm rooting for you. Jr, Jr, JR!

I loves Junya angst.

smiles,

Neo
NeoChick chapter 2 . 9/9/2005
It was this chapter that got me hooked on this story. So bittersweet, heart wrenching too. It's hard to believe that such an optimistic person like yourself is writing such an angsty piece. Angsty is very yummy though so yay! Come on MOMO you know you love him! Go get him back! Hehehehe... Um anyway keep up the great work.

smiles,

Neo
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