Reviews for Along Came Death
chimera-zelgadis chapter 4 . 6/27/2006
Ok, “Danunte, reach into the bag, pull out the Ivory pistol, and let any instinct take over.” is not something that Dante would say... ever. You have to take the dialog that is in the game and think about what he would say in that situation. Secondly, I think that you just have to be a bit more original with your story. I don't know exactly why Dante and his son (I refuse to call him Danunte) are going back to the Temen Ni Gru, but they really shouldn't have to be going back (just for the sake of the story). Other than that all I could tell you is to try to have some one be your Beta-Reader, which just means that they will read over your story and give you tips on any minor errors and better ways to put your sentences and paragraphs together.
The Tyrant Hamster chapter 3 . 3/27/2006
Err, well, I'll be honest with you, this could do with a lot of work, but it's a start, your ideas aren't that bad, you just don't flesh them out so great. The idea of a cyber-Cerberus (say that 3 times quickly XD) is original, kinda offbeat but potentially cool, however you don't give it a chance to shine with the short, choppy descriptions. Take your time and let us feel how cool the story is, rather then having to search for it ourselves, bring it to us. You've got some good ideas, just give yourself time to pin them down on the page better, and good luck :). As for the fight, I say let the kid have a shot at him 8).
chimera-zelgadis chapter 3 . 12/1/2005
When Dante destroyed Cerberus, Cerberus sacrificed his soul to become one of Dante's weapons. I don't know where you are getting this stuff from, but I just want you to know that, not only does Cerberus' character sound off (he is supposed to be an ancient being and he talks like a modern monster), but the laboratory thing has to go. Sorry if you're taking this as an insult, but practice make perfect and this is just constructive critisism.
KittySan chapter 3 . 12/1/2005
_ your last chapter is better and i dont undersatnd what u mean about the side note. do reviewrs fight wid those 3 karacters?
anonymous chapter 2 . 9/20/2005
please continue the story but please please get some improvemnts on it as suggestive by others.
jjs444 chapter 1 . 9/17/2005
You could so much improve on this story! please do.
chimera-zelgadis chapter 2 . 9/15/2005
Ok, first of all, Dante woudn't have to train his son all the time for him to be a powerful warrior. Dante is a half-demon, and therfore is already extraodinarily good at fighting, as would be his son. And about his son, Danunte wouldn't be a half-demon per say, because he woud only be a third demon and two thirds human. Also, Dante acts so out of character that its making me sick. Dante would be a cool dad that would train his son to be like him, not wake him up at five in the morning to work him to death. And you think that Dante would care about a sign? Dante wrecks his shop twice, once in DMC 3 and again in DMC, the first one. Anyway, the only reason I care about this so much is because DMC is like my all-time favorite game. I know it sounds harsh, but call it constructive criticism. Don't take it to heart, beacause I would like to see improvements in your story so that I could read it.
usRyou chapter 1 . 9/15/2005
this has potential to be a good story as I enjoy journal type stories, but you need to reformat this better.
Supersonic Flames chapter 1 . 9/14/2005
Potatokillerx, I thought that this story kicked butt. Keep it up. I can't wait 'til next chapter
Sic-Risker chapter 1 . 9/13/2005
Great story so far tell me when u update, i like it!
Gone Away 2345 chapter 1 . 9/13/2005
...No script format allowed.
OO chapter 1 . 9/11/2005
it would be potentially better if you fixed your dialogue/format. it came out a little hard to read.
pyromaniac chapter 1 . 9/11/2005
this is kind of interesting and like to see where you are taking this?