Reviews for So You Want to Write a Tolkien Fanfic?
i-am-naeblis chapter 1 . 8/6
This was hilarious, mainly because of how accurate it is. Tolkien really loved that black/white view of his characters, sometimes literally. Funny how apart from Gollum and Boromir, basically every other character in Lord of the Rings was either a god among men, or a dirty, filthy traitor.
Sprite chapter 2 . 7/4
Are appendices still devices of Morgoth if they confirm your suspicions about Arwen's fate? There's a history of Aragorn and Arwen in said appendices, that covers most of their relationship, from meeting until death. And, true to your thoughts, Arwen gets the short end of the stick. Aragorn chooses to die before he gets senile, leaving Arwen in a world unsuitable for any sort of Elf. She ends up going to an abandoned Lothlorien, and dies alone there. Oh, and when Aragorn tells her he's choosing to die, he tells her it's time for them to pay the price for their happiness. You know, since he's kicking off to Illuvitar and all, leaving her for however much longer her Elvish blood will keep her around.
thatmomentwhen chapter 2 . 5/26
Haha! I stumbled across his trying to find out how to write Elvish, and boy am I glad I asked such a stupid question!
twotoed chapter 5 . 3/15/2014
Oh gosh, I know this was posted a long time ago, but I stumbled across this trying to find which dwarf was the tallest in Tolkien mythology. It didn't answer my question, but it was great anyway.

(And the answer will probably de Durin the Deathless who in addition to being a Longbeard was just long in general, or something equally boring.)
jespah chapter 5 . 10/1/2013
And lo, the mighty Eagle Tardis, in his PhoneBox of Doom, didst remove the Wo-Elf Carrie of Bradshaw from the Mystical Realme of the Upper West Side and did deposit her, and her Manolo Blahnicks and her Spatula of Despair, to a Fine Magical Home in the Enchanted Land of Newe Jersey.

And then she sang something.
jespah chapter 4 . 10/1/2013
This is where Middle Earth gestures and sign language would come in handy. A middle finger for middle earth, I wonder if it means the same there?
jespah chapter 3 . 10/1/2013
Wielder of the Spatula of Thranisticks, she-elf Metronomia of Argylle-on-Tappan-Zee sings, lo!

Spatula, oh spatula!
Oh Elvish phallic symbol
and pancake flipper-ula!
And my man's hair's cut with a bowl!
jespah chapter 2 . 10/1/2013
Also, Elrond's nameless wife is dead. For an immortal species, that's a neat trick. I bet the poetry and singing did her in.
jespah chapter 1 . 10/1/2013
Tricksy and thievin', too, them hobbitses.
Petrichora chapter 5 . 7/13/2013
There is a LOT here that is VERY true. I'm in bed next to my sleeping boyfriend and had to to hide my face in my pillow to muffle my laughter!
victor janus chapter 5 . 6/23/2013
its depressing really how much this guide could be changed to a guide of D&D with out making any changes. a fact i see you've noticed.
well i guess there was a lot of fantasy books and role playing games made after these two things because people saw something with promise and had the uncontrollable urge to fix them.
Qoheleth chapter 1 . 5/19/2013
Dear Yield:

Regarding your comments about how gender doesn't necessarily matter among the Ainur and Maiar, I will only say that, when a man is close friends with someone who writes things like the following, you really ought to have better grounds for saying that about his characters than I think you do: "Gender is a reality, and a more fundamental reality than sex. Sex is, in fact, merely the adaptation to organic life of a fundamental polarity that divides all created beings." (C. S. Lewis, "Perelandra", cap. 16.)

In other news, the spear Nothancs is easily the funniest throwaway detail I've seen on this site in months.

Deleted11152015 chapter 5 . 11/16/2012
This is hilarious. I might try and develop a short story based off of advice from this.
I'll be sure to let you know if I do.
Loved it,
Nirette chapter 5 . 9/4/2012
This was actually pretty helpful, and very well-written. Good job :)
Newtinmpls chapter 5 . 8/25/2012
Yes, well done. And you have to really love something (or perhaps hate it? In any case really know and have examined it) to parody it WELL. Wow, I can think of some authors who would be really easy targets ...
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