|Reviews for A Hint of Change|
| Katt1848 chapter 10 . 11/24/2010
that was a really good story!
btw in the 9th chapter, you said "The only person still left, besides the persons who actually lived at the house, was Kodachi." yet ryoga was still you refering to him living in the house as p-chan?
| nihongoneko chapter 10 . 9/8/2009
Aww! So sweet, and like them. :) I can't believe that this story is over! It took me so long to find the time to read it! But, I did read the part about you saying there's an epilogue. Did you start it already? If so, what's it called? I want to read it! :) Nice work on the last chpater, and sorry it did take so long to read and review it. I'm really slow at this stuff, especially when it keep piling up from so many alerted stories. At least I can say that I have't added any new ones as of late. :) Anyway, tell me if you can, about the continuation/sequel. I'd seriously love to read it. :)
| tiedyedseashells chapter 10 . 4/6/2009
I really liked the story and your ideas(: Although I was hoping for something more for the ending, I really enjoyed reading it and even teared at some parts. Good job! :D
| ireadyourstory chapter 10 . 1/24/2009
the story line was good! but i really have to say that i expected something much more for the ending.
| LordPlad chapter 2 . 12/31/2008
wonderfull work. i could actually see this situation in the manga or a episode in the series itself.
| Yuna Albatou chapter 5 . 12/26/2008
whats gona hapen (*/*)
my nose is bledding jajajaja
im so exited to read the next chapter...
au but i have to work right now xD
the history ist to great reaally!
keep up the good work )
| Tenshi chapter 10 . 12/23/2008
I read you comments from earlier chapters about doing a sequel to this that would show your thoughts on how everything should end up in the Ranmaverse. I know you have a busy life (esecially with a new baby- congrats on that by the way), but you are so very talented. I loved reading this story, and I hope you continue to keep writing and posting whenever you can.
| kaygurl chapter 9 . 12/19/2008
i really loved the story n wish there was more with it...
| Amber Harvey chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
It's very good. I like it very much.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
Akane barely finished half of her bowl but set it down and stood up.
[So did she finish it or leave some?]
"Violent girl gone now. Airen give Shampoo kiss now?” Shampoo said as she tried to give him one.
[Out-of-character. Shampoo's always eager to glomp Ranma, but kissing him (particularly under these circumstances – note his attention on Akane) could be detrimental to the possible future of their relationship and I think she'd realize that.]
"Shampoo, my love! Saotome, unhand her!” Called out an inevitable voice.
It was Mousse and he was charging his way to where Ranma and Shampoo were standing.
[Oh, now _that's_ not contrived. Nope. Not like beating a dead horse at all.]
She was feeling much better since lunch but was still not totally happy with Ranma.
[The 'totally' weakens the statement, or at least gives it a slightly awkward feel.]
another person came crashing toward them at just their usual correct timing.
[Extremely awkward phrasing.]
"Mousse, you go home now!” Shampoo yelled letting of Ranma just to give the poor blind boy a good right hook into his jaw,
[I've re-read that and I'm still not sure whether Shampoo or Ranma knocks out Mousse. The narrative says later, but it should be clear HERE. Bad phrasing/grammar.]
Akane trying to take care of Mousse. She had never shown such care toward him before.
[1: she's never taken care of him before period. 2: this isn't really taking care of him either, she's just trying to ascertain whether he's able to speak.]
gThat’s a pretty bad bump on your head there and on your jaw too.
[Corny dialog, besides a slightly repetitive sound. A shorter “that looks like you took a nasty bump” would combine well enough with Akane's helpful action.]
Mousse, having a bad headache
[He has headaches all the time - more specifically he's probably in a sort of daze.]
Shampoo seeing the Violent Girl lead her Duck Boy, without any protest from him, was utterly shocked and convinced herself that it didn’t mean a thing to her at all and so she promptly turned around and walked away but she still could not help another glance at the 2 retreating figures.
[Serious run-on sentence. Besides splitting it up, there are also OOCisms to worry about: Shampoo knows that Mousse can handle himself and throughout all canon has consistently shown that she doesn't care about him. She doesn't hate him, and she certainly doesn't like him. It's also bad form to use numerals for numbers under ten: you're supposed to write them out.]
and decided on what course of action to take.
[So is he thinking about this previously? You say he decided, but then move straight into consideration. I also want to bring up: Shampoo and Ranma are still right there. What are they doing, just ignoring each other?]
gIt looks like you took a hard hit to your jaw and a slight bump on your head
[He's a doctor, you might as well try to give a faintly more eloquent diagnosis than repeating the unintelligent bit that Akane says above.]
Akane said letting go one of her dazzling smiles as the 2 began to walk to the Tendo haven.
[OOC - Akane may have a hair-trigger temper, but she's not this emotionally unstable. If she's angry then she simmers, but doesn't immediately flip to kind and friendly.]
cute and even kawaii smile.
[Obligatory Japanese, and repetition. This indicates you don't know how to use Japanese. Don't.]
If your fathers were the only reason, you would not still be engaged to him.
[Well, technically she has renounced the engagement enough that there's no longer any honor-tie.]
gIt’s much in the same way that you want to defeat my dear Shampoo.”
[When has Akane expressed a direct desire to defeat Shampoo? Every time I can remember she was angry at Ranma for “spending time with Shampoo”.]
[Obligatory Japanese. It's also rather obviously used incorrectly, “Tadaima” is used to say “I'm home” and only used to introduce your presence. If somebody already knows you're there, you'd just look stupid.]
[Obligatory Japanese. And if you're going to use honorific suffixes, be consistent. Either include the hyphen all the time (recommended) or don't.]
Akane snapped back to her inazuke.
He found it very enjoyable to talk to someone who did not smack him with her cane or knock him out as soon as he opened his mouth.
[Neither of the other amazons do that to him. He's only smacked _after_ he opens his mouth and says something stupid.]
"Then you don’t stand in my way.”
As Akane past him Ranma decided that he would watch his fiancee spar so he went and sat by the koi pond
[The koi pond is not near the dojo proper, if he's there he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on Akane.]
Mousse didn’t deserve any sort of smile from Akane and nearly decked himself
[Why? Ranma's stubborn and possessive, he's going to be bitter that Akane's having a good time with somebody else and if he ever feels bad it will be a LONG time later.]
"Hey Mousse?” Said Akane. “Want to be friends?”
[Oh, _that's_ not contrived.]
Although this line of events is entirely possible, things are happening too fast without any catalysts. Ranma acting jealous of Mousse is in-character and Mousse treating Akane amiably is in-character (he's got no reason to treat her crudely). However, despite Akane's tendency to act nice to other people, she's being a lot more kind to Mousse than she's got reason to (remember that he _did_ kidnap her earlier). Akane doesn't ask people to help her train (she's prideful) and she's not nearly so quick to ask them to become special friends (the word that Akane uses in the original Japanese isn't the same as the typical 'friend'). In fact, that's the only time I can remember her asking.
So yes, this is a Ranma and Akane story,
[It would have been nice if this was in the summary. I'm normally a canon purist, but another “Ranma-Akane” pairing is beating a dead horse. If I wanted to see that, I'd read the canon.]
| xxxmikaxxx chapter 2 . 10/29/2008
it's really good.
i like the idea.
| nihongoneko chapter 9 . 10/27/2008
No! I can't believe that this was the final chapter! I REALLY want to know what he asks her, but it'd be awesome if you left it that way too. Let me tell you why:
You've probably never heard of this, but there was a manga out a long time ago called "Shichinin no Nana/Seven of Seven" (by Yasuhiro Imagawa, art by Azusa Kunihiro), about a girl named Nana who has this crush on a guy named Yuichi, and at the end of the series, the author ends it with her preparing to tell him that she likes him, but you never find out his reply. Your story is like that, and it's a really rare ending for a story (yours is literally the second time I've seen it used, with Seven of Seven being the first obviously), but also really good. I'm not exactly sure why I like it so much, but it just kinda leaves you with a feeling of contentment. Like hope for the character, you know? And, if the author so chooses, it always leaves room for a sequel, right? Anyway, I wanted to congradulate you on finishing thie story, and to tell you I hope for a sequel, but, as you've probably figured out already, I'm content with it this way too. Either way- really great job! I'm so glad that I had found you story all that time ago to read!
| PearlBlue5 chapter 9 . 10/19/2008
That's it! T_T Oh well, it was an awesome story and a really good plot! You kept with the Nerima characters very well. :D
| aguuyhdneh chapter 9 . 10/18/2008
i love the story..but i hate the non existing ending!...i mean really! . if there is no ending, dont mark it as complete!...oh but other than that, great story! . honestly! _ its rare to find (atleast for me) a ranma1/2 fanfic that ranma is the one who gets jealous for a change...i absolutely love the general story! hehe...but again...as im sure u expected already...the non-existng ending is really not contenting!...thats all...sowry if u got offended of my review in any way...and thank you!..arigatou! hehehe...have a nice day!
| Akane7Uzumaki chapter 9 . 10/18/2008
this is a very good story - i would love if you actually did a sequel but if you don't its ok too because even if nothing really happends betwen them everyone knows whats going to come next, good work