|Reviews for Reflections|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Supposed to have been posted 25 August 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.
Some of the work I read is what I consider worthy of a professional. These are marked as Picks of the Week. While they are posted on I am adding the best of the week where applicable.
KOTOR during attack: The Attack on the Endar Spire
Minor grammar mistakes, it is their stations not there. Sheer (Thin) opposed to shear, you also used abut (To border on) instead of about.
Don't assume the spellchecker will catch all mistakes. You used trooped instead of trooper, and since it was correctly spelled, the program ignored it. Remember to sight edit. This isn't perfect either; when I wrote my own Return From Exile over at the Lucasforums story site I used you're instead of your, and my readers caught it as a grammar mistake, but I reviewed the chapter and sight edited a dozen times before I caught it.
Minor technical notes: 'Melee weapon' is a class of weapon, like saying polearm or firearm. The range of weapons within that class run from a zwei-hander sword down to a roll of quarters., though in the next paragraph you gave a type to it.
A bulkhead is a solid surface on a ship, you go through hatches in them. For a second I pictured the scene from the Clone Wars movie when Ventris cut through the hatch here, then pictured it closing back up by itself when Trask leaped through.
An insulator protects against an electric current. What you meant was that the armor acted as a conductor, which carries it.
I only had time to read the first chapter, and I wish I honestly had the time to read the lot, because you have a crisp clean style. The problem I had with the original game was that you don't know exactly what force took down the Endar Spire beyond the few fighters shown in the opening scene, which, if you have read history from WWII, might have been able to blow a frigate away by themselves.
I noticed your comment that you were following the scenes pretty much as written, and that actually detracted from your style. Having Carth or Trask give advice regarding other parts of the game such as shields or slicing was done so a newbie gamer realizes they are options. In real life, as you showed with other things, it's all up to the character fighting for their lives. Explaining what she did to use a secondary system to power the door for example was good. The end scene in the pod was funny because I know there was somewhere other than his lap to sit.
Pick of the Week
| Firewolfe chapter 8 . 8/6/2008
Nicely done. Sometimes it is god to fill in the holes of a character life. I like what you have done with this piece. I hope there is more soon.
| Firewolfe chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
Nice start I look forward to reading more.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 7 . 10/22/2006
All right, I'm caught up. I hope you continue.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 6 . 10/22/2006
Nice set up for the swoop race.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 5 . 10/22/2006
I'm still having fun with this story and you bring out the game very well. Just a few typos, which I think a good beta would be able to resolve.
I always enjoyed the Taris section and you've made this an enjoyable read.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 4 . 10/22/2006
I always loved that party scene in the game.
I noticed that we have very similar entertainment tastes. Bravo for CSI and BSG.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 3 . 10/22/2006
I think we have very similar takes on the Taris scene. Again, I'm really enjoying this.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 2 . 10/22/2006
I love your quick pace and how you stay true to the story line. Nicely done.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 10/22/2006
Nice beginning. I always love a good Endar Spire scene. You capture the feeling of tension very well.
| secondrate chapter 7 . 10/9/2006
The sudden switch half way through to first person confused me...but other than that it was alright. The little explanation as to why she was a blade fighter was helpful to.
| secondrate chapter 6 . 9/10/2006
You have a nice dynamic going on here between Carth and Raven...they seem to work well around each other...I just have a few tiny problems. The first is that, for someone taking Creative Writing, you seem to be making all kinds of small spelling mistakes. You may want to get that looked at. Secondly is the actual Raven character herself. I seriously doubt that the Jedi would be stupid enough to fabricate an identity for Revan that is one dyslexic away from having her true identity revealed. No offense to any dyslexics or anything... Another problem with her is her choice of weaponry. As a fighter pilot (as you have her) there would not be much room for a blade in the cockpit of a fighter. A more suitable weapon for her would be a pistol of some kind, a carbine at the most. Maybe it's too little much too late but...meh.
Please note that these are my personal views and that I mean no offense by any of them. On a more positive note, it's a good piece of writing and I look foreward to more. Lastly, allow me this final word of warning. Beware of Sue-ness. All Revans have this rep for being absolute dervishes of destruction, but for someone who has no recollection of whom they are, presumably they have no recollection of their fighting skills. I really have no idea what I am talking about right now, but I'm sure there was a point somewhere.
I've written way too much now so I'm gonna go boil my fat head...
| Amme Moto chapter 5 . 6/10/2006
| lindsattack chapter 5 . 6/8/2006
Great continuing chapter! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, and at points it went a little fast and caused some confusion. Other than that, very nicely done. The story is progressing well and i'm anxious to read future updates!
| Estora chapter 4 . 5/20/2006
Hey, not bad. I like Raven...cool name, by the way (lol).
Can't wait for more!
~ Estora ~