|Reviews for Strongest|
| Arcon1 chapter 17 . 6/25/2008
Excellent story so far. Even if this stays incomplete, it is still very good.
| Bella chapter 17 . 2/8/2006
Wow, the plot twists just keep on coming! It's a little hard to review these kinds of exposition chapters, as I really want to wait and see what happens next before I formulate an opinion, but so far so good! Trenia getting so mad was a shock, as was Zeta striking Babylong, but I'm hoping that Salome will be able to save his soul before it's too late...
| Rayless Night chapter 17 . 2/1/2006
...You really have a knack for tormenting your readers with these cliffhangers, you know that?
Anyway, I think you're still doing pretty well as far as keeping everyone in character. I really like how you're adding depth to Trenia's personality. And I really like how you're building around the original game story, not just making a sort of sequel but relating a whole complex series of events.
And I liked how you handled Zetta's response in this chapter. I think his brashness and arrogance is very in character. And it's interesting to see how he and Baal are alike in some ways.
| Rayless Night chapter 16 . 1/24/2006
An update well worth the wait. Once again, I'm impressed with your creativity -I haven't been able to predict anything that's happened, which is a good sign. You have some more nice, subtler touches, like the way Zetta goes immediately to Salome's Netherworld (implying that he needs to see if she's all right). I also like the Trenia-Salome dynamic you've created, that Trenia looks on her as a protector figure. Are you going to develop that any further? The only thing that struck me as perhaps out of character is that none of the Overlords join in Babylon's fight with Baal. They aren't afraid to butt into duels in the game, and I'd think they'd want to protect their interests.
Still, good chapter. I love how you were able to incorproate humor into such a tense fight (Babylon being out of practice when it comes to hauling planets). And your cliff hanger eding really has me wanting to see what happens now.
| Bella chapter 15 . 1/11/2006
I'm glad to see Zeta got his own mind back sooner and not later. That was the type of plot device that could have been dragged out to the point it got boring, but you chose a point to end it where it served to heighten the suspence, rather than diminish it.
...Netherworld construction companies are going to have so much business rebuilding all these castles now.
Attempts at humour aside, I would like to add that you didn't need to insert the note to state humanoid Zeta is Baal, it was pretty clear from his actions and the reactions of the other Overlords. Then again, notes between brackets in the middle of a chapter are right up there with flashback tags as a pet peeve of mine, especially when I see a writer who's clearly skilled enough to communicate without them using them.
That was a compliment, offhanded as it may be. You already know how much I love this story, and that I keep checking for updates several times a fornight! _;
| Rayless Night chapter 15 . 1/11/2006
This is really shaping up nicely as a dramatic, suspensful story. Things that were a bit confusing in earlier chapters are suddenly making more sense, and I think you're doing very well by keeping all of the Overlords' involvements high. As usual, everyone's comfortably in character. There was something about the line "That light...who cares?" that made me think that was so absolutely Zetta. Your humor is right on target and balances the rest of the story's dark matter.
| Rayless Night chapter 14 . 1/9/2006
I've been reading this at every update, and now I'm back to review (I was signed before as Raye). The story is really starting to come together in these latest chapters. I really liked the last one, especially the byplay between Salome and Zetta. You do a good job of keeping the romantic tension real and present, without letting it get saccharine. And I wouldn't be too worried about the last chapter being chaotic. I mean, you have how many powerful Overlords in one room together? Things are not going to stay calm. I thought it was actually a very nice touch.
I also want to thank you for being so kind as to read my story. Your long, well thought-out review was very helpful to me; I don't normally get input from people who have put as much thought into the MK game as you have. I just got my account, so there's nothing new in there, but if you're interested, three more chapters to Wishes have been added to my homepage.
Anyway, your fic is fascinating, and I can't wait for the next update.
| Bella chapter 14 . 1/6/2006
Really, you are doing just fine. I can see how difficult it is to write about so many characters interacting at once, not to mention the vassals. You're also excellent with the cliffhanger endings! On a side note, I love the chapter titles you come up with!
| Bella chapter 13 . 12/25/2005
Merry Christmas to you, too!
It's great to see everything coming together,your Seedle is almost as creepy as your Baal, I have to say!
Great chapter, I'm glad you're not keeping your readers in too much suspence!
| Bella chapter 12 . 12/20/2005
The plot is still very interesting, I actually felt a bit squeamish reading about the drill there...And now Baal's out to kill Salome in addition to Seedle...If Babylon has the opposing element to Zeta, I wonder if they're being set up to fight! I'm anxious to find out what's going to happen next!
| Raye chapter 11 . 12/19/2005
Hi there. This is shaping up to be a very intriguing fic. I think you have a pretty good handle on the characters' personalities (I love Zetta trying to reason with his own body -that's hilarious). The only problems I see is that sometimes your writing's a bit convoluted. Also, stop bashing your own writing in your notes. Your effort's good enough that you shouldn't have to appologize for it.
This didn't work last time. I'll try again: flyingstar.
| Bella chapter 11 . 12/14/2005
The chapter was fine, it just felt a little rushed toward the end.
Something that hit me while reading it was how it seems like Baal is a conduit for Zeta to get in touch with his evil side, in a major way...I think I see what Babylon meant about his soul now...
| Bella chapter 10 . 12/10/2005
I don't feel you killed Kingdark/Drake, he seemed pretty spot-on to me. The references to the in-game battle with him was pretty funny, and Baal is continuing to get more and more sinister as this goes on...Some of the characters in this game are really hard to write, you're doing just fine, though!
| Bella chapter 9 . 11/28/2005
Thanks for clarifying about Baal!
Ok, that scene with Salome entering the video game, as well as listing the stats of the hero and Valvolga had me falling over laughing!
As for Babylon's revelation...wow, that was unexpected! And I assume Seedle is still planning to kill Salome...this is certainly getting complex, but in a good way!
I'm hoping for an update soon! _
| Bella chapter 8 . 11/21/2005
You didn't fail..that's a really hard fight to write about, seriously.
Interesting use of mana to defeat one's enemy...I wonder if Zeta is aware of this? He's probably strong enough to handle that much mana, though, unlike Alex...
It's good you're keeping Baal's speech to a minimum, though.
Out of curiosiy, is this the same Baal from the White Flower? Or is that perhaps an alaternate path for Baal?