|Reviews for The Spy and the Apprentice|
| Mycreativeoutlet chapter 38 . 1/8
I really enjoyed. Thanks.
| lizb1813 chapter 38 . 12/13/2011
Just like your other story, this one was also amazing! I must say I enjoyed it as much (if not more) than your more recent endeavor. However, I did feel as if Snape's monologue in chapter 1 was a tad long (we've all - I'm assuming - read the books. We know what happened. :-) ). And I loved the Raiders of the Lost Ark scene! Did you consciously have that in mind?
I usually don't like OCs... but I loved Samantha. She was smart and fun, but also had a backbone. Job well done.
Of course Severus was a tad OOC (throwing his robe Voldie... I would've died if that had happened in the books!). But I'm glad he wasn't the 'must-always-hate-Potter' Snape that I've read in other fics. I must say you did him justice.
Thank you for not throwing any evil Dumbledore/McGonagall in here...
As for OOC Ron/Hermionie, I could see this semi happening, but I think that they would eventually trust Harry; they've trusted him a lot since year one.
Random - I'm guessing the three guys barricaded the girls in the ballroom to go to the Ministry; however nothing came of it when the men returned.
Ok, I'm done spewing my thoughts, which are never as they appear in my head.
Once again, super job - I wish I had more to read by you! Three days worth of reading material is not enough.
Hope all is well & God bless.
| tigerlily124 chapter 38 . 12/7/2011
Hey there! I really loved this story. Very well done and I'm adding it to my favorites list. Thank you!
| bookivore chapter 38 . 9/30/2011
OK, I know it's a bit weird to review a story this old but there are more seams showing here than in Forsaken (which is brilliant, and addresses these points, hopefully on purpose).
I liked this story a lot. Hard to keep me reading another year-7 replacement at this point without good writing, good plotting, not too much wandering off into your own politics or whatnot.
then the critique:
OCs : Sam worked pretty well. Snape needed motivation, protecting girlfriend from day one worked well, it's somewhat what JKR used (though she killed him with it I think, nothing left to live for). She was somewhat 2 dimensional her goals beyond 'win the war' were not expressed.
Draco's girlfriend doesn't work. I don't know who she is, she's never really fleshed out, she's not needed.
The planning ability / general behavior of adults: A lot of HP fanfic fails in this category, this one gets real close, the Order sits in a closet somewhere accomplishing nothing for all we can tell. Yes, I know JKR ruthlessly swept all competent adults off the playing field. She did it even more so in DH to keep things believable. You've avoided 'Harry takes over' by making the story nominally 'Snape & Sam take over, everyone else sits around sucking their thumbs, but for some reason Harry & Draco get to join in'. It avoids removing Harry from the center of the action where he has been for 6 books, however it is a weakness (and also is in canon, which is why so many people wonder what Dumbledore was thinking, and so on.) JKR avoided the issue by making many situations emergencies. Once you start in with competent foresight Harry's role becomes more problematic.
Timeline: JKR had the wonderful framework of the school year to work with. You used a few good dates, then the timeline got lost (wedding, birthday, ?) A few more weather cues and a sense of things dragging / rushing would help a lot. It became confused enough that I was wondering if a year had really passed at the last battle, because it didn't seem that way.
Nicknames: I just don't believe Harry using Mum, Dad and Bro. For one thing, Bro is slang that I'm not familiar with and it seems old to me, but other than that he's not being parented, he's fighting alongside a grown man & woman during the war.
Macguffins: I think you handled the Horcrux issue well, and the poison to destroy them. Teaching and using various tricks to sneak around and fight went well.
Use of canon: well, there were about nine million characters that you didn't use (snort) - I think you could have brought in a little more of the taste of the characters that you did use, like Molly's tendency to try to take control, Remus' shabbiness and quiet speech, and all the other wonderful characterizations. I do admit that the characters she gave us were 1 dimensional but they are very distinct and brushing by without dipping into those distinctions can even be confusing (like when Harry & Snape are in Hogwarts and Harry refers to McGonagall by a joke he made earlier, a 'big snag' is on the map, for several moments I thought he meant 'big snake' because let's face it there's a ton of ways to refer to McG using canon that bring her to mind much more quickly. The Head Cat, for example. Mistress of Tartan.
| wokanshutaiduo chapter 10 . 1/19/2011
i like the story, but I could have done without the marysue and I hope you realise that severus is slightly ooc
| Rena the pirate jedi wizard chapter 38 . 9/1/2010
Hello! I read this and found it to be quite enjoyable. I like the relationship you gave our main four people in this story. It is very nice to see our three enemies come together as a family. I am sorry about what happened to Ron and Hermionie though. But I understand it. The changes in the quest for the Horcruxes was fun. I liked the trial as well. I especially liked the information given in the epilogue. It was fun to hear about Harry and Draco's antics as profs. Nice Job!
| Aspen Starlight chapter 38 . 6/12/2009
I actully liked this one better than forsaken I think. I love Sam and Draco and I am glad Draco got to live in this one. Severus and Sam have a very cool relationship were if the Snape in canon didn't love Lily it would be very beliveable. I didn't really like the nicknames but thats okay. I LOVED THIS STORY!
| Ginnylove9990 chapter 6 . 5/6/2008
I agree with what you said at the beginning of this chapter. Ron has been a jerk through all the books. And Hermione I do not like it when she think she is always right. She didn't even believe when Harry told her about what his wand did in the 7 book. Harry always has to show her that he is right and she is wrong. Ron and her sometimes drives me nuts.
Still a great chapter and i loved the why you made harry out to be. I love it. Keep up the great work.
| Ginnylove9990 chapter 4 . 5/6/2008
This is a great story. I am hooked. I hope you write a lot more stories with Snap as a goode guy helping Harry and taking care of him.. Maybe as an uncle or brother or father just as a very good friend. But not as a lover to Harry. Sorry if I make you mad but I can not stand those kind of stories. I pray that you understand. I better explain. You see I believe every word in the Bible. Yes I am a Christian And to tell the truth I believe it is very wrong to have Snap or any other male fall in love with Harry and harry fall in love with them.
So please don't hold it against me. I do not know if you are a Christian but even if you are not a Christian and do not believe the word of God I will never hold that against you. You see I look at what is inside a persdon. And what I have read from your stories you are a great person.
I well read your stories but I am sorry to say that I will not read any stories that have Harry with a man as a lover. And that is not just yours (If you write one like that) but I mean any story. I really don't care if it is good or not. I just goes against what I believe.
Any keep writing wonderful stories because you are a great writer. I pray that you write a new one this year. God Bless you.
| Im not on this site anymore chapter 5 . 2/3/2007
I'd turn snapes hair pink, put him a tutu and portkey him into the middle of diagon ally then let the mob have 'em. If he was lying anyway... XD!
Great so far!
| Im not on this site anymore chapter 3 . 2/3/2007
If olny harry could get tht close to Voldemort. Then he could, I dont know, IMPAIL HIM WITH A SHARP POINTY OBJECT! XD
Great story so far. I hope we get to harrys part soon.
| Im not on this site anymore chapter 1 . 2/3/2007
Severus sound less like a vampire and more human!
You dont see that too often in fan fics...
| severus4life chapter 38 . 1/29/2007
love it! really well written. i'd write more, but i g2g. keep writing!
| Eliot chapter 38 . 1/7/2007
that was a fantastic story i greatly enjoyed reading it, and the ending i think was just perfect, i loved the lil joke in the end truly a great story and i just cant wait to go read the other one
| Jess chapter 36 . 1/5/2007
the lotr line was "Good speech,Nice and short.”“Leaves more time for drinkin’”
by boromir and faramir