|Reviews for A Surreal Tale|
| Hobbyfarmer chapter 23 . 1/17
OMG almost a good story. It should only have been 100K words. How many arguments between Blaise and Tracey were needed, or the pillow talk of Snape and Bella or Draco's insults or the Library. I almost fell asleep. The last couple of chapters could have been one paragraph. You took a good premise and a good story and made it almost too boring to read. I see your follow ups are shorter. I hope much less boring. AND THE SECRET WAS NOT REVEALED. you wasted your premise.
| ShokAndAwe chapter 5 . 12/15/2013
I like the way this fanfiction is going.
From what I've already read, you've done a really, really good job with Bellatrix. You managed to keep some of her most defining factors but also include what tne years of stress might add to her. She really is a bit tragic and I hope that she'll get a happy ending in this story!
Apart from that, I think you did a good job with Snape and his relation to Harry as well as the plotline in general.
Thanks for writing!
| sunneedee chapter 20 . 8/12/2013
You know, I thought that Antares's problem with writing and reading was because he needed glasses as he is HP. Aparently not though. I must say, I do like this fic but I think the thing that drives the reader to keep going is the part where everyone finds out he's Harry Potter, yet so far there's not really even a hint of that coming. Antares to me is just not interesting enough as a character himself, and I personally feel that this story would benefit from being more driven by the consequences of him being Harry. Bella, Snape, and his Slytherin pals are interesting, but they serve better as background characters...it feels like they, and their actions are expounded upon too much. My ears prick up everytime there's a Hermione/Ron/Neville scene, as it feels like they are important, but in actuality I'm beginning to wonder if they are relevant at all. It's annoying though, because I want to hear more from them.
Most of all, I want to find out what is happening in this fic. Who exactly knows who Antares really is? One minute I think Snape knows, or Bella knows, or Dumbledore knows...and then one of the, says something that contradicts that. Sometimes I get confused over whether Antares is actually Harry. So far, so little clues of this important mystery have been revealed that, if indeed the mystery of Antares identity is important, it would indicate that we have only reached the opening of this story. We're twenty chapters in, so that means that this fic is going to have about 70 upwards chapters before it ends.
I'm not suprised you're bored writing this, I think that's a sign that you're going into too much detail about things that don't matter. If i were you, I would examine all the side plots and decide which ones you really don't need to put in. For instance, if you're not using a sideplot to drive home a point - if it doesn't have a purpose integral to the plot - get rid of it. If it does, is there another way you can make your point? Rather than constructing a full sideplot to show something, can you do it instead in a way that enriches the main plot
For example: say you want Blaise and Harry to fall out, and then make up again in a way that makes their friendship stronger than before. (Think the Hermione and troll plot in canon). You could make a sideplot similar to the Hermione/Troll incident, or you could mention snippets of the conflict eg at mealtimes in the great hall. Talking about mealtimes regularly helps the reader understand time is passing without delving into sideplots which take ages to think of, write, and to read, and it means that you can also make observations about other characters around you, allowing you to move other plots on.
Like Blaise could make A annoyed by making mudblood remarks while eating. Every day A gets more bothered by it, and while we hear about it briefly, the main focus is on A observing interactions between Snape and Quirrel over at the staff table. When A finally snaps at Blaise, the main focus can be on them again. Then days pass while we are again observing the going ons of other characters, while A and B's mutual anger at each other is a background feature. Finally B might get a letter in the post that drastically changes his views, maybe a muggle saves his mothers life, or a respected pureblood extremist attacks a family member. Whatever you like. And interactions like this can continue while the main plot moves swiftly on until your goal is achieved with your characters. You could have a brief 'great hall' scene at the beginning of each chapter or something.
Cutting out unnecessary stuff is alot of what happens when real novels are published. Don't think your work is bad, it's just that the pacing of a story is really important. Too fast and characterisation is bad and actions of characters seem unrealistic, too slow and the reader loses interest fast.
Oh my I really waffled for ages there...I'm sorry, I think most of that could be irrelevant, particularly if you ARE planning for this to be a 100 chapter epic length fic. I just started typing and wrote a novel instead of a review! Feel free to ignore that, or take something from it if it helps. The gist of that was though, this fic is too slow moving, or more precisely, the plot elements which you are writing about don't seem to be relevant to the main plot of the story (which is the mystery of A's identity, which is what has the readers hanging on for more ).
Eek. Well, keep writing because despite my long winded complaint, I'm interested to see where it goes!
| Quantumphysica chapter 23 . 3/30/2013
This was a fascinatingly different story.
Antares and his friends had a very different dynamic than the golden trio, I kind of liked the way you described how their friendship worked. Also, Snape and Bella having this secret thing Antares is not to know about... It was a story full of sneakiness and hidden intents, I liked it!
My only complaint is that it ended a tat anticlimactic... It sort of leaves room for a sequel of sorts, a lot of loose ends there.
| Awinarock chapter 2 . 3/21/2013
I understand the need to change Harry's name and have himself and others refer to him as Antares, but if you the author refer him as Antares as well, it kind of kills the experiences. What I mean by this is that you've essentially given us an OOC Harry, which is understandable considering the fact that he was raised by Bellatrix, but you also changed refer to him as Anteres, pretty much rendering him as an OC. This pretty much ruined the story for me, but I will admit that your writing is pretty damn solid.
| JL chapter 2 . 2/3/2013
I really wanted to enjoy this story, but the excessive use of italics was off-putting. It broke up the flow of the story and jolted me out of the moment.
| ishsjeb chapter 23 . 12/18/2012
I applaud your writing skills sir
| Ilandriel chapter 23 . 9/10/2012
| Sibel88 chapter 2 . 6/28/2012
o my god bella has a baby ?
| yay chapter 3 . 5/12/2012
So she turned on the death eaters? Lovely.
| yay chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
And suddenly I'm sorry for a murderer.
| CraZybeyeZ chapter 23 . 3/15/2012
Great story, I can't wait to see what tom will learn next and how far into the dark he'll go. And what about the scars on his back, is he secretly the boy who lived, but then why does Neville have the title? I wonder if Voldemort suspects blacks identity or merely wanted to find out information on his mother and Snape.
| sassy chapter 5 . 1/19/2012
If it is too easy than its no fun. All storys are better when their hard to write.
| evanna chapter 3 . 1/19/2012
I always did like helena bonham carter.
| InsanityRunsInMyBlood chapter 6 . 10/25/2011
*le grins* i loved the last part XD! Bella's awesome and so is Sev :3. I wonder about Antares...he's really, really almost OC but I love him all the same. :P and what's with the Boy-Who-Lived business?