Reviews for Well done, Draco, well done
riverrat chapter 3 . 5/15/2012
As in your other stories before everyone is perfectly in character. Draco is scared out of his mind, Severus is trying to deny his feelings and then finding out that everybody he loved is dead, and Pettigrew..., well, he's just Pettigrew, a coward to the bone and he has no clue about the people around him. Great work!
Agrarrevolution chapter 3 . 3/14/2007
Splendid characterisation of Pettigrew, he’s not only a coward, but also doesn’t know how to handle Snape. Little surprise as he has absolutely no understanding of the person Snape is, mentioning it was him who got the Potters killed, thinking Snape is Voldemort’s creature through and through (very good analogy to Scrimgeour’s characterisation of Harry! – and on the same time so completely wrong that it is almost “funny”) and firmly believing that Snape does not care for anyone. Well, someone who betrayed willingly his best friend to “stay alive” might not understand that a person has higher goals and as far as these allow will go to about any trouble possible to keep his best friend’s son alive.

Lines like “for a madman he’s pretty sane” really make my day and here Pettigrew is actually spot-on!

Good illustration of Voldemorts “divide et impera” tactic. Both Snape and Pettigrew feel “punished” by being caged together.

Interesting that all characters think they’ve made their bed and now need to lie in, three Death Eaters who would want out if there was a way, but very different ones: one ignorant, one coward and one who seeks revenge.
Agrarrevolution chapter 2 . 3/14/2007
Good foreshadowing of Lucius’s death, poor Snape seems to be pretty cursed. Everyone he cares for dies at his hands (or at least because of his actions as in Lily’s case).

I liked the end of this chapter, it is at once both miserable and hopeful. Hopeful because of the short retrospective of his graduations, his plans and the possibility of what would have been a respectable life without a dark mark and a chance at happiness (even if Lily still had married James, I hazard a guess that Snape would have been able to get over Lily, if she hadn’t died as a consequence of his deed) and miserable because we know what became of all of this. Yes, he wasn’t a very nice person at that time (the fact he crucios Petunia shows that plainly – very nice touch), but he wasn’t yet doomed.

The last line was very powerful, after all this denial he finally admits to himself that he loved Lily. It’s been a while since I’ve read the other stories, but I think it is also the first time he accepts his guilt in her death? Before it was always “I couldn’t let her die”, but now he acknowledges that without him Lily wouldn’t have been endangered at all (or at least not more than she already was due to her status as muggle-born and Voldemort’s enemy).
Agrarrevolution chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
I just realised that I never finished reviewing the seven parts series, though I’d started writing a review for this scene long ago. Well, here it is, but slightly expanded and amended due to the stories you’ve written since then.

Language can be so deceiving… first it’s the mudblood Granger and then the muggle-born Hermione. In the process of one single evening Draco’s world breaks apart. A pity that Snape couldn’t do that before, but at least Draco now knows the truth about Voldemort and his father and perhaps, if he has a future, he’ll be able to make his own choices.

I love how you show Draco as the spoiled, snobbish brat who for the first time in his life makes contact with reality. His confusion with this new side of his favourite teacher, his anger at his admired father and despite all he lived through in one evening his naivity: “He thinks, Father, I miss you so much … I have to look after Mother now, I have to be the man of the family now … why didn’t the Dark Lord break you out of Azkaban?” He doesn’t see that his father would be dead in that case (and with hindsight I wonder what he would think of his godfather, when/if he wakes up after the war is over).
Prieda Solo chapter 3 . 2/28/2007
believable wormtail-great!

''he had valuable information, information about Snape, he’s a double-agent, he still belongs to the Dark Lord''

Oh that is priceless. Only peter would think of trying to sell his way out to dumbledore with information dumbledore already knows.

Ah. I've just realised that i'e probably cascaded into your inbox with reviews that are (not to put too fine a point on it) not very helpful.

Sorry. but your stories are so...everything. they deserve at least a hundred reviews each.
Prieda Solo chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
“Dumbledore begged? He begged for his life? He really thought you were his man, Severus, the Muggle-loving old fool really thought you were his man through and through … delicious, Severus, delicious.”

I can't imagine how torn up inside severus must be feeling at this point. I mean ouch, to hear Voldemort say that of all things.

Meep. Snape is acting all evil. But yeah after what he's been through makes sense.

I keep expecting him to thwap malfoy but then i remembered the unforgivable. and also that snape doesn't do muggle violence (that is such a great idea. proabbly true as well). ah well.
Mariag Brie chapter 3 . 2/6/2007
If Draco didn't have the guts to kill a dog he won't kill anyone and I'm wondering the same question about Lucius motives to be a Death Eater. Those rape scenes and muggle-killing races sounds very nasty but appropriate for an average Death Eater, a good anecdote (but, what did Bellatrix in those moments, she raped muggles too?).

The last paragraph in Snape's chapter was so sad. The miserable Snape, at least he realized that he loved Lily.

Great as always!
Derannimer chapter 3 . 7/18/2006
Oh, yuck! Pettigrew! Possibly the most contemptible character we've heard from yet!

You've got him down, though. He's still got that sick relish for watching other people get it that we saw in the Pensieve scene: "oh that would be a duel to see, that vicious pair at each other’s throats." He's self-pitying and self-justifying. This: "I’m not like that, I’m not really a bad person, I’m not really a Death Eater, I’ve never killed anyone for fun, hell, I’m only trying to stay alive," is simply revolting, and absolutely true to character. He's also in a state of perpetual near-panic - is it my imagination, or are you writing in shorter phrases than you normally do, and stringing more phrases together in a sentence? I thought I noticed that, especially at the beginning of the chapter. Assuming it's not my imagination, it's a clever device: making your phrasing more *breathless* to convey his fear. So, yeah. Pettigrew's disgusting, and you've got him down pat.

There's one bit here which I've got to mention as simply hilarious, in a dark way, and that is Pettigrew telling Snape he should be grateful to him for betraying the Potters, and his subsequent bewilderment when Snape goes "completely psycho." Oh, Peter. If you could have said anything more unfortunate, I don't know what it is. Also ironic - though more in a poignant/wrenching way - is his assumption that Snape must have "pretty hot stuff, too, maybe some of those Bloodlust calendars" in his room, when we now know that Snape actually has a picture of Lily Evans in a pretty, floaty blue dress. It's a very fun chapter, in its own unsavory way.

Derannimer
Derannimer chapter 2 . 7/18/2006
OK, this entire thing is simply brilliant, another one of the perfect chapters. So you can take it as read that I would praise just about every line of this: let me just mention a couple of things which particularly stand out.

First is the way you've downplayed the scene on the Astronomy Tower - it's really an anti-climax. That's very far from being the obvious choice, but I think it's the right one. I've read other fics which deal with that scene from Snape's POV, and most of them have him be all dramatically angst-ridden and pain-filled, but this... efficiency and almost-thoughtless action is much more powerful. And really much more IC: "It's over, time to go" has always impressed me by how business-like it is. He's a soldier on a mission, in the middle of combat. He doesn't have *time* to be pain-filled.

Second is the breakdown at the very end of the chapter. I love, love, love this scene, and I don't know whether I can properly express why. It's just... it's just this revelation of pain and love and guilt and self-knowledge, and yet it is *so* seedy and nasty and pathetic. And that juxtaposition is so powerful, to my mind, and so heart-breakingly human, and so very Snape. What a way to come to the truth; but *he has* come to the truth.

Marvelous.

Derannimer

P.S. OK, as I read it, *this* is where he hits absolute rock-bottom, this very scene. He is absolutely broken. But at the same time, this scene always leaves me with an odd feeling of hope for the character: at least now he's telling himself the truth. Snape can never be repaired, but at least he can begin to see things clearly. He may have hit bottom, but maybe he'll bounce! (A bit.)

P.P.S. Word choice plaudit! I wanted to mention that "keening aloud" is so much better than "sobbing" or somesuch would have been: it suggests his grief is so great and he is so ill-equipped to handle it, that he can only cry out like an animal in pain, and not cry like a human being. It nicely conveys how emotionally crippled he is, this inarticulate response.
Derannimer chapter 1 . 7/18/2006
I was tremendously pleased with Draco's development in HBP; it was so nice to see him as something other than Harry's utterly ineffectual schoolboy foil. I loved the breakdown in the bathroom - and Draco Malfoy, of all people, hanging out with Myrtle was sheer brilliance on JKR's part - and the rather stupid rebellion against Snape, and, of course, the fact that he couldn't bring himself to cast AK. (“It is my mercy and not yours that matters now,” is one of the most powerful lines in the series; thank you for having Draco remember it.) I'm hoping for Redeemable!Draco in 7, although I suspect I'm going to get Dead!Draco. (In which case I'm hoping for DeadAtLucius'Hands!Draco, because I'm dark like that.) Anyway, the point is, Draco finally got to be a *person* in the last book, and I was happy to see it.

I think you've really done justice to that person here. His fear is excellently done, and of course he *would* be terrified; he's "so far out his depth that the fish have lights on their noses" (1), and he has no one, so far as he knows, to help him through it. And he's very *young,* and in some ways very naive: I like his shock at Snape's language, his inability to handle his liquor, and his concealed disgust for the _Bloodlust_ calendar. (_Bloodlust_ is a very clever touch, by the way, albeit a revolting concept; thank you for not providing details!) The contrast with Snape, who is hardened in just about every way one can be, vividly shows how far Draco is from being a genuine Death Eater.

I love Draco's fear, but I also love the way that we can catch glimpses of his normal self beneath the fear: even in this extremity, he still has room for mildly despising Snape's bad whiskey and dingy house. And he's still trying to feel like he's in control: loved that brief-lived flash of bravado right before he appears before Voldemort, and then later as he's drinking his whiskey. Those attempts to regain some of his normal cockiness, to try and convince himself that things are still manageable, are pure Draco. (Also, in their misguidedness, rather amusing.)

Also IC is the way he's constantly thinking of his father, constantly addressing him. He's a long way from being his own man... but he is making progress here. His disillusionment at the story's end is both plausible (he's been through *a lot* tonight) and touching; and bonus points for suggesting that he's got a crush on Hermione. I've always been fond of that theory, and it's a nice parallel with Snape/Lily, though obviously not on the same emotional level.

This story is another one of my absolute favourites; well-done all round!

Derannimer

(1) Courtesy of Terry Pratchett, and I probably butchered it slightly.
merga anime chapter 1 . 5/11/2006
i like the stream of consciousness-style of your stories. The characters are very believable and canon-compliant. i enjoy fiction like that, dealing with the inner life and thoughts of characters. i think its not so easy a task to render them psychologically accurate.
MysticScribe chapter 3 . 4/6/2006
Dark, dark stuff but well written as usual, with so much intensity.

Another boy all messed up by his father...I can feel the trap closing in on poor Draco. Wanting to prove himself to his father but having no idea what it will require from him. The bit about Hermione was really touching and almost an echo to Snape's own desire of Lily. Were you implying that there is something in Draco that could bring him to act like Snape?

Snape's POV was, as usual, chilling and almost feverish at the same time.

I am getting to pity this poor Florence whom nobody seems to remember.

-MysticScribe-
Bagge chapter 3 . 3/31/2006
And the last word to the rat. You got him just right. Peter thinks about one thing, and that is exits. He knows perfectly well that there is no safe place for him anymore, but he can't help looking for it. Of course Dumbledore's death will be a hard blow for him, and of course he live in constant fear, both for Snape and for his lord. No, life is a rat is not a nice one. Another good installment in your Snape chronologies.
Bagge chapter 2 . 3/31/2006
“visceral energy” - nice touch, and the scene from the photograph makes it all so increadible sad and filled by guilt. I just read 'What Snape Wants' by Odoll. Another really strong description of Snape's memory of Lily Evans.

Snape's world is really breaking apart. He has killed Dumbledore, and even if he has plans of his own, concerning Draco and the others, it really is just him against the Dark Lord now. He reflects that he might have to kill Lucius, the closest to a friend he got. No, things are not too god for Snape. The Legimancy-scene is the real climax of this chapter, the moment when Snape ones and for all defies Voldemort.
Bagge chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
Poor Draco. He's really deep down in the shit, and first now he really understands it. The climax of this chapter, when he is too drunk to take care of himself and asks his father why the hell he was stupid enough to mix up with the Dark Lord, is strong, powerful and very believalbe.

You get the mix between the innocense of a teenager, and the ruthlessness of a person who has prepared a murder the last year, just right. The way his thoughts return to Hermione is beautiful in a sad way - because the Hr/D-ship seems further away than ever right now.
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