Reviews for History
Himitsu Dark Half chapter 8 . 10/10/2011
Okay, so this is probably my favorite FMP story I've ever read.

I just wanted to say that. I've read, and re-read it so many times that it's become my go-to story for when I need a cheering up, or I just feel like reading something incredibly happy. 3

Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I too am one of the people who'd love to read a sequel, should you ever choose to write one. If not, my imagination will suffice, but if you do... :D
Kirinthor chapter 7 . 6/30/2011
just read this for the hundredth time, you should sooo do a small sequal :D
Kirinthor chapter 8 . 8/15/2010
ow that was fantastic
Ganheim chapter 8 . 1/12/2010
“Baka.”

[Unnecessary Japanese]

He had a somewhat pensive look on his face as he re-read the assignment in his notebook. Clearly, he had been thinking about the same problem.

[Learning about one’s family when you’ve never known them is quite a daunting challenge]

a long line if otaku military

[of]

Chapter 2

He sat quiet for

[I think ‘quietly’ would fit better]

“I never thought it mattered.” Was that true? Or had he been afraid of learning what he had lost? Sousuke wasn’t really sure.

[Tough questions, and I’ll bet it’s quite a bit of both]

Chapter 3

What is with you!”

[I know she’s yelling, but it’s a question and lacks the mark]

Kaname made a dash for the bathroom. Sousuke would probably be there in less than five minutes and she was not letting him see her with bed hair and morning breath.

[That she’s suddenly panicking about this when it’s something like 2 in the morning and she was just yelling at him is extremely funny]

Chapter 4

He sat like that for several minutes before he finally lifted his arms to return her embrace.

The affect was amazing. The tension in his body began to relax. His pulse slowed. His breathing deepened.

[Simple and not overdone, yet very strongly put]

Chapter 5

Your friendship and faith mean a great deal to me. Enjoy your Sunday at the amusement park. Please avoid secluded areas where you could be easily cornered. Maintain a clear view of emergency exits at all times and consider bringing along something that could be used to fight off an abductor if need be.

[That is definitely Sousuke]

He had done better on his English paper than she had expected. True, he was fluent in the language, but his stiff, strangely wordy style of writing usually lost him a lot of points.

[That’s true: reports have a very different standard of expectations than prose or pretty much anything you actually expect people to read]

Chapter 6

Kaname did her best to keep up some small talk. Sousuke was not much of a conversationalist, but he listened to her stories as intently as he could. Her enthusiasm for the activity never ceased to amaze him. She could talk about absolutely nothing and make it sound interesting and important.

[Interesting depiction, if leaning a bit much on him liking everything she does]

since . . . you know.”

[Although the final segment isn’t a direct question, the main sentence itself is and I think that requires a question mark]

“So tell me again, what does a model do? Something about becoming one with nature?”

[“Last days of an idiot” was my favourite caption]

Chapter 7

She’d grown quite a bit in that year.” She winked at Kaname who smiled broadly in return. Sousuke looked puzzled, but said nothing.

[Yes, he _would_ be ignorant]

“You have to tell her.” Kaname was the first to break the silence.

[I expected this, but there’s one sentiment I’m surprised I didn’t see against him talking: the family has come to terms with his ‘death’, to come out and say ‘everybody was wrong, I’m really alive and right here. I’ve been a mercenary living through days of blood and sweat’ would put them through all that emotional turmoil again. Still, you handle the scene excellently]

Chapter 8

on the livingroom floor

[living room, I believe]

The day passed much like any other. Sousuke had his gun confiscated when he ambushed a ‘suspicious looking individual’ that turned out to be the guest speaker for third-year political science.

[Well, it was probably just a politician]

As he pulled out his stack of photographs and arranged his notes on the teacher’s podium, a strange thing happened. The corners of his mouth turned upward and his lips parted slightly revealing some of his front teeth.

It wasn’t much of a smile, really, but it was a start.

[That’s got to be the oddest description I’ve seen of a smile, but it works]

I could’ve sworn that I reviewed this very well-done story when I first found it, but since that doesn’t seem to be the case here it is. I was impressed by your characterization and scene-working, despite the enormity of the events you kept everything feeling very true to canon.
Willow-Bee the Cat chapter 8 . 7/25/2009
Wonderful story. I loved it.
1st Lieutenant chapter 8 . 2/16/2009
Good story. You should continue on to the point where he finally meets his sister. That would be an emotional thing for him and his sister that he didn't know he had finally meeting each other.
Sousukes-Girl chapter 8 . 4/5/2008
Overall pretty darn good. I wish it could have been longer and more involved, but that would have been a real feat! I think you did a wonderful job and I really hope you do continue this in some form or fashion.

I bet it was hard adding in so many new characters, but I think you pulled it off rather nicely!

Great job, I really loved hoe emotional Sousuke got, I wish I could have seen a bit more of that. It's hard to remember at times that he is indeed human!

AWESOME!

Sg
Sousukes-Girl chapter 4 . 4/5/2008
Oh, how did I not find this story before now! I usually don't stop in the middle of a story to write reviews, but I am so in love with this right now.

Poor Sousuke.

I can't wait to see where this goes.

Sg
princesasenorita chapter 8 . 10/27/2007
ahh! i LOVE this fmp fanfic. (the only one i love enough to favorite) we don't learn about sousuke's history do we. (well, the books might go into it, but i'd never know...but they are being translated into english, slowly. i just couldn't stand reading it for some reason.) i just love the idea of sousuke acting, human. as opposed to mostly, robotic, and unfeeling. because deep down, things like his family, friends, history, feelings, they do matter to him. even if he's never taken the time to think about it. i LOVE it. and kaname and kalinin being there for him too. hmm, i'll go see if you have any other fics i'd like to read.
shaithis1 chapter 8 . 8/22/2007
Well done, and I mean it. So many fics are poorly planned, terribly executed, and riddled with so many annoying typos, misspellings, and plot holes that I can't help but go Simon Cowell on them. For this one, however, I can happily gush over it.
windwraith chapter 1 . 8/1/2007
This was terrific, i know nothing about this fan-dom but this story got my attention fronm the get go and never let up. terrific. more would be good.
themagebear chapter 8 . 4/10/2007
it cant be finished. you cant possibly call this complete. you either have to continue it, or write a sequel. there are too many loose threads left hanging. besides that, it appears you are one of the more gifted writers on the site, and to leave such a great piece with a cliff hanger would be a tragedy.
This is my name chapter 8 . 3/29/2007
This was a really good story!

by the way...

it seems like everyone who reviewed chapter 8 wanted a continuation, so PLEASE continue this story! even if it has been more than a year since this story was finished i really hope you consider a sequel... Well don't consider a sequel, write it!
Das Null Katze chapter 8 . 12/5/2006
good Story I really thought it was special. My first FMP story. But i thought you were gunna wrote about his presentation and maybe the reaction of the students. Hey maybe theres a new story for you:P:P

DNK
pharitse chapter 8 . 11/19/2006
Yay! I cna't wait to see what happens when he sees his sister! Great job!
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