|Reviews for His Son's Father|
| Trouble Kelp chapter 4 . 10/9/2005
Great, as usual. I thank you profusely for not leaving the cliff hanger for too long.
Please update soon.
P.S. I love the whole Trouble is Commander thing, you are doing it really well.
| Labschiz chapter 3 . 10/9/2005
Gah! Fine, I give up! There's nothing I can find to nitpick...
Okay, this review isn't going to be as long as the last (I mean it this time!) because I gotta go out in a few minutes.
As usual, I loved the hostage!Arty slow torture scene. You do the light thing perfectly and readers can really feel Artemis' pain. (::would be more eloquent but is in a hurry::) When a person is accompanied by nothing but their own thoughts, they tend to focus on their physical feelings and get that "itch" that you mentioned in the last chapter. Artemis is used to meditating so this does not happen to him usually but you've found a perfect way to break down his psychological defenses. I don't care what you say, the light thing was genius. I love how is train of thought is continuously interrupted and becomes more desperate every time. However, the ending of that scene didn't flow as smoothly as the previous two did into the next. It was good but it wasn't as good as before.
The second part was great. I noticed you changed "I couldn't see Arty anywhere" to "I couldn't see Arty anywhere or Sool anywhere". It would just be better to say "I couldn't see Arty of Sool anywhere." (Ha! I found something to nitpick!)
Anyway, this was an informative and "calm before the storm" chapter, wasn't it? There wasn't much action and it wasn't as entertaining as the first two, but that just makes me want to see the next chapter even more. There weren't as many jokes here either, but I loved Papa Fowl's thoughts about checking a centaur's teeth. XD One problem I have, though, is that Timmy is so well informed about the fairies after having only just learned of their existence. I understand that he's really intelligent but to be freely using fairy terms and making conclusions from little facts so easily is slightly unrealstic. These are just lttle incidents, such as Timmy saying "Ohm's prophesy" instead of "the prophesy". And, while Timmy finding out about Artemis giving up gold to heal his mother was incredibly sweet, it seemed a bit random to bring that up so suddenly. It's IC for Papa Fowl to come to these realisations and piece together bits of information more quickly than others because he has a naturally calculating mind but it would be more realistic to add that the effect of these revelations don't show on the outside because otherwise it seems as though Timmy is lost in his own world, which is fine for any other character (except maybe Artemis). It just seems like he's huge revelations left and right when he's actually just realising some things that aren't All-Important but seem to be since they're explained in full detail. ::is not making sense because she's in a hurry::
I like how you did his thoughts about the "being shot while in Russia" thing. Still a little too much emphasis on his musings (which wasn't that much anyway) but it made me think of my own perspective of Papa Fowl. Most fics have him completely ignorant and (at the most) give his character depth and purpose later on as the fic progresses, but yours has him as one not to be underestimated from before the fic starts. Yes, my grammar sucks and I'm nt making sense, bear with me.
Again, I LOVE Angeline in this fic. She's so in character and her reactions and interactions are very believable. All in all I love this chapter and can't wait for the next.
(Curses! I went on a rant again!)
| Aquawyrm chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
Uh-oh...bad news is bad. Does this mean that Arty can't exactly count on being rescued? And that whole blinking light thing he's going through...that would mess with anyone.
| FairyHunter chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
What a chapter! *salutes Commander Kelp* I laughed out loud for a good long time when Trub-dear said "DON'T CALL ME TROUBLE." That was a truly powerful way to express the switch in command. (And poor deluded Grub. D)
Oh yeah, is being weird and says that you only have two chapters. I only realized that the third one was up because Schizy mentioned it on the Orion Awards forums. Mysterious. *waggles fingers mysteriously*
I'm hoping for some great plan from Arty. One can't just grit one's teeth and then not follow through.
It's very frightening seeing how human Artemis really is. Usually he's by Butler, so we don't realize that brains are soft and squishy, and are not very good physical protection at all. Profound.
I am now convinced that Sool is the person detaining Artemis. He took a long time to answer his cell and Teh Random Vacation is more than a little odd. He would also know that Arty would be on the shuttle, having sent it.
The first part of the second part was very confusing (hee hee, the oxymorons keep on coming). It mentions Sool in the first sentence after the horizontal rule and then it takes a while to tell you that he's not actually there. It is hard for those delirious with heat (I hate this stupid heat) to figure out that he's not at the LEP.
"It was true, some parts of the plan would have been more effective with his father’s support, but there was nothing that would have been impossible without him, and he couldn’t imagine that Butler or Holly simply giving up." The end of that sentence is weird. The "that" in "he couldn't imagine that Butler or Holly simply giving up" should be taken out, or you can change "giving up" to "gave up."
Hurray! I can't wait until next chapter!
D'arvit unseasonal heat, d'arvit 5gigs, d'arvit Snape,
| Trouble Kelp chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
o.o bad news? I wonder.
Very good chapter. I, uh, really like your story.
Good job on making Trouble Commander.
Please update soon.
| Kitty Rainbow chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
Right, this time I'm going to attempt to write a review as I go along, otherwise I'll get to the end and have to struggle to remember what I thought about it apart from "GNNGH, AWESOME".
Okay, grammar mistake here: "he couldn’t imagine that Butler or Holly simply giving up". Either the "that" shouldn't be there, or it should be "simply gave up".
I'm going to have to come back to something I mentioned about the last chapter: now I can see that Artemis's situation is worsening, but he still hasn't given in and is still plotting, and yet we know basically nothing more about what's going on. It's starting to feel a little like we're going round in circles. I really hope you're going to pull something amazing out of the bag in your reveals-things chapter 4, because otherwise I think your fic is going to cross the line between "suspenseful" and "repetitive".
Ooh, Sool's missing. Off torturing Arty, is he? XD;
Hahaha, Foaly's in on it... *no idea why she finds this so funny* Also, "Captain - sorry, Miss - Short", LOL. Is he doing it by accident or to remind them that Sool drove away their esteemable colleague? *reads next paragraph* Ah. XD;
Timmy "admiring" Holly's figure... heehee. And he's His Son's Father too. [/random H/A shipping]
Oh dear, Grub... *snorts* He really has become such a weirdo. (That's a comment on canon, not you.) Also Trub suddenly turning into Root, lol. XD;
Ngnsoknglernbjybn. The tracking device isn't working? *squeals* Ahh! You and your cliff-hangers!
*ahem* Right. Yes. That's the end of my exceedingly random, as-it-happened review. Umm. Now I have to try and con crit again. Well, I'll just go back to my earlier comment about making sure to start revealing things soon, because otherwise, despite the other strengths your fic has, the narrative will begin to drag. But you seem to have realised this, and I hope chapter 4 slams this fic onto a whole new level of awesome.
| Aquawyrm chapter 2 . 10/5/2005
Oh, that's scary. Those two playing with their enemys...wow!
You're a very talented writer, and I hope to see more (as my English teacher said)
And as I say, please try to continue soon. These flashbacks are priceless, once you've caught up to the present, are you going to tell us what Arty's father and Butler are up to, trying to get our young hero back.
| FairyHunter chapter 2 . 10/5/2005
Yay! You updated! *adoreses elder Artemis*
Off-topic: I was going to reply to your PM on Crim, but then I got distracted by your fic (and the Mugglenet caption contest (my caption is totally going to win)). I'll reply soon.
Now I will talk about your fic. Artemis is completely in character - more in character than in Colfer's books, if I do say so - and I love the blinding light scenes. So beautifully does your writing describe the hostage scenes, Teh Horrorz of such torture are easily imaginable.
I loved the line about the universe pausing to do a double-take. Only Artemis could have that effect. *grins at him lovingly*
I think that we should know more about what Pandora's box will do to fairies and why it won't affect humans. All we really know is "'TWILL DESTROY CIVILIZATION! AND YOUR HOUSE!". A few details would be nice at this point, even if you can't tell us exactly until later chapters.
The Butlers' appearance was very abrupt, though their scene was nicely done. (Thumbs up on the new!Butler.) They also brought up the question of Why Didn't The Butlers Just Shoot The Fairies From The Windows? Thinking back, maybe that wouldn't have been such a good idea. Oh, well.
Arg, I'm going to fall apart (look, my eyeball just popped out *grumbles and puts it Moody-like in a glass of water*) because I can't tell whether the captor is Sool or not, though I wouldn't put it past him to secretly hate the LEP!
Without a doubt,
PS - Schizy, "superfluous" means "unnecessary" or "extra." I'm pretty sure that that's not what you meant. XD
| Trouble Kelp chapter 2 . 10/5/2005
Good, very good.
Please update soon.
I must congratulate you on having the characters almost exactly in character.
| Labschiz chapter 2 . 10/5/2005
I LOVE YOU FOR UPDATING SO QUICKLY!
Alright, this review won't be nearly as long as my last one because if I wrote essay-length reviews for each chapter I'd never have time for anything else.
I absotively love this chapter! It's just getting better and better! Usually when I read a story with varying POV's I have one favourite that I prefer reading to any of the others. But your hostage scene and the Papa Fowl scene cut it so close that I'm just excited to read everything at once. This fic so far is just so consistently entertaining and I LOVE it!
You have just the right amount of suspense in the hostage portion without going out of character for Arty Jr. I really like the way you did the "off, on" light thing. Very clever and realistically effective enough to work on a genius like Artemis. (I'm not sure that having a talent for slow torture is necessarily a good thing, though) The doubts running through Artemis' mind and irregular thoughts interrupted by that light was done really well. Completely in character (Oh! I just figured out what "IC" means...) and you seem to characterize Artemis so easily. While I'm reading this it's like I can really get in Artemis' head.
Once again, it flows nicely into the next scene. And, of course, I LOVE Papa Fowl! The great thing about this is that Timmy isn't featured very often in the canon so fanfic writers get plenty of freedom where his character is concerned. Your Timmy is a living, breathing, THINKING, three-dimentional person and I love that. There really aren't enough Papa Fowl fics out there.
You've included enough information about the Fowl family and their personal lives without going overboard. It's just right for Papa's train of thought, which remains constant and IC throughout the rest of the fic. One of the best things in this chapter was the part about the Major. Great insight into Papa's character. The other thing was the interrogation with Sool where Arty and Arty Sr. played their "game". ::laughs her tuckus off:: That was great! And Angeline was perfect in this scene, too.
I see there was a purpose for Artemis explaining to Papa about Sool and other stuff about the fairies. Awesome, everything's tied together so neatly and it's ard for me to find anything that even slightly resembles a loose end.
I'm slightly bothered by Sool's quick temper, but he's probably IC too. I haven't gone back to TOD in a Long Time so maybe I just don't like Sool...Hmm, the only other thing I can say is to describe in detail the environment/scenery. The hostage scenes are perfect and I get the feel of a blindingly lit room with no furniture, etc. However, in this chapter there was more concentration of the characters than on their surrounings, which isn't necessarily bad. I'm just trying to find anything to nitpick.
h, and you spelled "skeptical" wrong. [/really nitpicking now]
Ah! I got carried away again! ::looks disdainfully at the long, ranting review:: Oops... Oh well, update soon and keep up the great work!
This chapter was superfluous! [/big possibly made-up words]
| Kitty Rainbow chapter 2 . 10/5/2005
*squeals* YES! New chapter already! :D *attempts to remain calm and give you a proper review, instead of acting like she's just drunk a draught of Perky Juice*
The first portion of this chapter has more of the great psychology that the other had. And it's also placed doubt in my mind that Artemis is being held captive by Sool - why else the comment about the LEP? Ooh, shivers.
I like the easy way you characterise both Artemises and Butlers in the next bit: a touching Arty/Dom moment and a bit of meat added to Timmy's character.
The way that Arty and Trouble were talking also adds a lot, I think, keeping in with Arty's character, and giving us a glimpse of the position of the general LEP worker.
Some nice bits of humour in the next part, particularly the Fowl/Fowl, Artemis/Artemis bit. (I like how you justified their previous use of this: swiftly bringing it into the business side and, thus, into character.) And then the tension of the ending, with the battle of wits and nobody really knowing what's going on.
So here I am again at the end of a chapter and searching for something bad to say about it. Hmm. Well...
About two-thirds of the way through this chapter I suddenly found myself becoming impatient for something else to happen; mainly due I think to the repeated now/earlier structure and the fact that hardly anything's been revealed. But then you whipped out a tantalising conclusion and now I'm once again salivating just to know what comes next.
It's great to see someone tackling Artemis Sr as a character, and although you're actually giving him a personality and a voice, I'm not quite sure how it fits in with how he is in the books: a deeply business-orientated man who changes his ways. I think we need to see a bit more of his thoughts about his experience in Russia and its aftereffects, because so far I haven't really seen any.
So, another great chapter with only minor flaws. Now I just have to go and whinge at you on the Orion Awards forums until you post the next chapter! XD
PS: Gr at for cutting off my last review. It'd better not do it again this time.
| Labschiz chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
Hylo, Whilily! This is AS, by the way.
First of all, let me tell you that it's been a while since I started/followed a full-chaptered AF fic. I'm talking years here. But it seems that your fic is going straight on my Watch List. (And thank goodness that you've already finished it because I'd go crazy if I had to wait months in between chapter updates.)
Alright, you want concrit? I'll give you concrit...
There's really not much I can say about the first half. That is, the captive!Artemis!scene. I absolutely loved it! Very effective. It captures the readers right from the beginning. It's a great start to the chapter and to the entire story. Normally I prefer "slower" introductions with more imagery than action, but as this IS an Action/Adventure fic, this intro is just right.
The scene unfolds at just the right pace. It's clear without being revealing. (The only thing that confused me for a fraction of a secon was when I read "slave oath" as "salve oath" and thought Artemis had to apply some magical fairy ointment) Just the right amount of action and perfect charaterisation. I especially liked your bit about the slave oath (NOT salve) and Tan Kabelle. Very, very cool. The only thing I would suggest is a tad bit more suspense. Only a tad, since I'm just nit-picking now.
The end of that scene ("...he really did have to admire this set up.") flowed wonderfully into the next. Now, about the second half - omigosh! It's Papa Fowl! I LOFF Timmy! XD Ahem, anyway...
I love this scene, too, mostly because it's hard to find a fic where Timmy is actually a part of the story and has a distinct character, instead of being a random plot device. His POV was done well and I don't want to say you kept him in character because, well, he's not really characterized in depth very well in the canon. I do like your version of Timmy better, however. He's three dimensional (I gasp) and human. His air of humanity, in turn, makes Artemis (Jr.) seem human as well. Whether it was intended or not, this "human" Artemis complements the captive!Artemis in the first scene, who is caught in a state of vulnerability.
I forgot to mention this earlier, but characterising Artemis in different situations is difficult for many authors. Writing an Artemis in a precarious situation and then writing him in a normal or comfortable environment (and switching POV's in between) has proven to be impossible for many of the recent authors who keep dear Arty in the same "mode" throughout the story (not to belittle their fics or anything). So far I've seen a very good suspenseful!calculating!Artemis in this chapter. I'm curious to see how you write Artemis AND Timmy (who is similar to Artemis in a way) throughout this fic.
Back to the second half (I went on a bit of a tangent there), there's a good amount of action without it being over-written. I do think, however, that Artemis' explanation of the fairy society was a little unnatural. His speech was just that. A speech. They're in a high-risk situation and I think that Artemis would divulge just what information was necessary. The explanation about the "vindictive gnome" was a little unnecessary as his father would have no idea what he was talking about anyway. Arty used a lot of terms that his Da shouldn't have understood, i.e. "shielded fairies", "mesmerization", etc. This is okay since it's like Artemis to start absently listing info when in a dangerous situation, but it's implied that Timmy actually does know what he's talking about. I would suggest making his speech more like a conversation. More input/questions from Timmy, less uncalled for explanations from Arty. Also, Timmy was a little to quick to accept all of this. If it's in Timmy's POV, I think there should be more insight into his doubts, but only a little more.
Other than that (which wasn't really an issue anyway), I loved this half, especially that line, "When my son made enemies, he really made enemies." Such a cool scene with both Arty Jr. and Arty Papa. I LOVE it! Fav, fav, fav!
One more thing to abruptly end this long, rambling (haha, feel free to maul me later) review:
UPDATE! NOW! I...must...know...what...happens!
| karixavier chapter 1 . 10/3/2005
The prophecy...it's written at the bottom of every page, isn't it? Quite convoluted. I like your plot. very intriguing. Hope you update soon.
| Melody Bridge chapter 1 . 10/3/2005
I like the way you bring the dad in and see things from his point of view, not many fan fictions do that. Please up date soon! and if i were the dad i would be more mad at Artemis for putting my wife in danger.
| FairyHunter chapter 1 . 10/3/2005
I must reciprocate your loverly review. Quite simply, it rocks. You've done a smashing job, m'dear! I would say more Nice Things about it, but then I'd just be copying Kitty.
The only thing is that I can't really find anything that you can improve.
Hmm. Wouldn't corroded contact lenses be irritating to the eyes? Wouldn't they be noticeable in their corroded states? [/Colfer's mistakes, not yours]
Oh, where were Butler and Juliet? It'd be nice to mention them at least. Artemis wouldn't forget about them. A sentence would do it. Yep.
Well, that's the best I can do right now. I'll try to be more useful and less asleep when I write my next review.
Keep writing, or I'll maybe throw a tantrum,