|Reviews for Isaac joins Felix to early|
| Raven the Ravenous chapter 3 . 4/4/2008
Whoa... *looks at just how obsessive people can be about pairings in GS especially about IxM and IxJ?* ...I am part of that majority! XD;
Seeing as I'm reading this three years after and seeing the reviews AFTER I've read the fic or how far it's gotten, I do love the suggestion you made to Sieg15 about Piers and Garet getting jealous.
About the romance...it felt too rushed. Sorry but it just was. Maybe halfway or towards the end but not when it is still the beginning. Y'know, if I were writing a fic like this and I decided to make EVERY chapter dedicated to each event that's happened like the whole shrine of the sea god or the Air Rock...I would certainly have QUITE a long fic. Okay, I'll spill: I like it when romances aren't rushed and when fics are long or really, chapters are long (but not ridiculously long). ;
About muses, they can be fun...or annoying. Depends on how you deal with them.
Ideas? Since the fic's somewhat following the GS:TLA storyline, why not use that but change it up a bit with Isaac in the group? I don't think it is a good idea to try to make up your own plot.
| Raven the Ravenous chapter 2 . 4/4/2008
Seeing as I am three years late to this poll, I would have voted Isaac and Jenna regardless. -; I don't like the idea of the Colloso warriors appearing so early though. Erm yeah, I'm very nit-picky on keeping things right in a fic, meaning if this happened in the game/manga/anime and I do a alternate ver. of it then I will KEEP it that way. But it's your fic, I've no right to tell you what to do. ; As for the POVs question, stick to original 3rd person, unless you have a specific chapter to do a special POV. *shrugs* I can live with it for just a few chapters but not a whole fic.
| Raven the Ravenous chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
Your first eh? I haven't done my first GS fic. (already had my first a year ago). The chapter's...okay. I just had a problem with all the POVs. . Too much to count. It's good. Now, the funny thing is, before I even read this, a while back sometime in oh December of '06 I had written something about Isaac jumping off the Venus Lighthouse too. I didn't have an account then so I couldn't post it and I only had two chapters (one and a half really) before I lost interest in it and scrapped it. -; Man, I wish I didn't. Oh and the funny thing, there was an order to it and a slight...twist: Sheba falls, Felix jumps after her, Jenna jumps after him, Isaac jumps after her. So it's Sheba
| Midnight Moon chapter 3 . 11/22/2005
hehe I like this story too! I love your stories! Very interesting, especially the fact that Isaac joins early. I loved Sheba's personality in this chapter! Sneaky and a spy of Isaac and Jenna! I picure her the same way when I think of her. Isaac/Jenna forever! Please update soon!
| Numdenu chapter 3 . 11/17/2005
CONTINUE THIS STORY!
| GoldenTalesGeek chapter 3 . 10/20/2005
Interesting. I've never read a fic like this. I agree that the romance needs work, but that will probably get better with time. Keep going. I want to see more!
| fan chapter 3 . 10/9/2005
Jenna is a witch I SAY! MIA/ISSAC FOREVER!11
| Dracobolt chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
One thing to keep in mind is to not include author's notes in the middle of the story. Those can be quite jarring to the reader.
“Hey you there” she said ...
Okay, there's some things regarding commas you need to keep in mind. First of all, whenever you have dialogue, you need a comma instead of a period at then end of the last sentence inside the quotation marks. Let me give you a few example.
“Hey you there,” she said.
"I like commas," he said.
"Did you play Golden Sun? I liked it," Bob said.
Do you see how there's a comma before the closing parenthesis? That's where you need to have commas. It might be a little tough to remember to do that at first, but it is absolutely essential to know this. Keep trying, okay? ;)
Also, remember the difference between you're and your. You're is a contraction; you use it as a shortened version of you are. Your is a possessive, like in, "That's your opinion,".
I would like to say that this story is continuing to improve. It can be pretty hard to factor in all these things, but keep trying. _ Aside from the grammatical issues, this isn't half bad. I'm sure things will continue to improve with time. :)
| Bakunetsu Kite chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
Jenna and Issac. And your story is really good.
| EHHH chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
Jenna/Isaac, for sure.
| Sieg15 chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
Issac should be with Mia, no questions there. Jenna should get pissed and Garet will be there to calm her down but Piers will get her! Be a nice twist.
As for anything wrong with the chapter...It's a bit short compared to the first chapter. Oh well. It was good. Keep it up!
| SpasticDjinn chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
A bit more effort needed... 'Their' was often missused, when the oppropriate word was 'they're'. Also some of it seemed directly quoted from the game. I thought you wanted to make the entire game scenario different by adding Isaac? Anywway, just a little dissapointed. Btu still, a decent chapter.
the Djinni of Djinn
| Dracobolt chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
“Oh Felix, Isaac, a mars Djinni. We’ve gotta catch him” I begged.
When you've got sentences like that, you need a comma at the end, like this: “Oh Felix, Isaac, a mars Djinni. We’ve gotta catch him,” I begged. Do you see how I did that? When you are using a question mark or exclamation point, you do things the same way, except with the different punctuation. Also, Mars should be capitalized in that context.
Also, keep in mind the differences between there, their, and they're, as well as its and it's. There is in reference to where something it, their is possessive, and they're is a contraction of they are. Its is possessive and it's is a contraction. Those can be tricky, but using the wrong ones is confusing.
You asked if you should stick to one point of view or not. I'd say yes, keep it in third person. That's pretty easy to write in, and you can still get inside the characters' heads while writing in that form.
Now, I must commend you on accepting my review. Some authors would throw a fit over a review like that, but you showed that you want to improve. That's awesome. Your main problems seem to be grammatical. Your style could use some work, but that will improve as you write more, so don't worry too much about that. Good job. :)
Oh, and Garet/Jenna for the win! :P
| guy chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
i like jenna and isaac. yeah
| Vashoth chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
Heyy. Definatly Isaac/Jenna. And Sheba/Ivan ae such a cute couple! *big grin* And I love the way you tell the story from everyones point of view. Great story. Can't wait till the next update!