|Reviews for The Person I Admire|
| Thalian chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
great job once again. i cant wait till the next chapter keep up the good work. cant wait till Hizashi sees that he was wrong about hinata.
| Meteorain chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
shoot the jyuuken 0.o cool
anyway, write more, and do it quickly. The story is quite engrossing even though it seems to be slow paced. I think that's what makes it engrossing, wanting to get past all the slow scenes :P
Anyway, write more damnit _
| Shinta Azechi chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
Looks like an interesting plot and a good start. Update soo please! I'm looking forward to the next chapter...
| Hinata-chan89 chapter 1 . 10/8/2005
xD i love this so far good luck and ill fin the story soon
| Commander L chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
Awesome! NaruHina fluff, woo hoo! I loved it of course! Keep on writing.
If you want more reviews, I would suggest knocking down the rating to "T" so it will show up when you browse through Naruto fics. Otherwise, you will only get people who are specifically looking for "M" fics, which are much fewer in number than casual readers. Later, once you have some loyal readers, and when you actually write some "M" rated material, you can increase it. Also, if you allow people to write anonymous reviews, you will get more from people who don't have an account on And are you a member of NarutoForums? Go to forums. and sign up. There is a Fanclub for the NaruHina pairing there, and I'm sure if you post a link to your story, more people will come and read.
| RawD chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
i like where this is going already...more fluff, we need more fluffy scenes...
| RawD chapter 2 . 10/8/2005
seems to be getting interesting, I think I might like this fic...
| Dragon Man 180 chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
Will Naruto be using that Fuuma Shuriken in the Chunnin Exams? I can't wait to see Hinata and Neji's reactions to the new Naruto! I love the gifts, but when will we see Ino's gift bloom? I have a nasty feeling Sasuke is one of the three Sound nin in the Chunnin exam in disguise.
| Soliel6 chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
If you really wanna know what i think. i think that this story is awesome! update soon. and i'm sure people will sart reviewing. and even if they dont plz dont forget people LIKE ME LOVE YOUR story. and even if u dont get alot of reviews. i review every chappie u do. i promise
| Thalian chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
pretty good so far keep up the good work.
| Commander L chapter 2 . 10/7/2005
:) Fun and lighthearted. Nothing really to complain about. But I'm still waiting for the good stuff. Lets get Hinata in there.
| Commander L chapter 1 . 10/7/2005
:) Giant house! Yay! I'll keep an eye on this fic. I'm a big NaruHina fan and the net needs more good NaruHina fics. This looks promising, so be sure to update often.
| DracosEchidna chapter 1 . 10/6/2005
INteresting story and fairly good so far, i havent seen any errors. but then again once youve starting writing errors, you read them as if they aren to even there.
| ShinobiFighter chapter 1 . 10/6/2005
I really enjoyed it! Update sooN!
| KlosetAuthor chapter 1 . 10/6/2005
I can’t seem to find any reviews, so I thought I’d review. I’ve enjoyed your clean writing style, it’s very simple and your story so far intrigues me.
I’m going to now start giving constructive criticism that I hope will help you writing. While I love getting reviews that tell me how great my writing is I also like to get suggestions on how to improve my writing. Unfortunately I don’t get much, so I’ve decide to state giving more. Like I end up telling most people, I don’t think I would have released this chapter yet, as it doesn’t have much of a hook to get peoples interest in it, nor has there been anything particularly exciting in it. The whole Hinata and Naruto in the chuunin exam together as well as the about to hide Naruto away things are ok, but not very strong hooks.
As I mentioned I like your clean and concise writing, but I could use a little more description. Maybe just describe a small motion someone makes as the move or something they’re wearing. You don’t want to end up stopping the story to describe something in great detail, unless it’s important, but a bit of description adds color and feel to the story. And definitely don’t give shopping lists that describe everyone’s outfit as if you were writing for a fashion magazine or ringing them up at the counter.
The Start your story seemed a little drab that way. You seemed to assume that we knew who everyone was and what they looked like. And as that’s probably true of anyone on this site it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be more descriptive. The end wasn’t bad, but maybe could have had a little more. I can’t really say at that point if you read my story you’ll see that I tend to be very descriptive, possibly too much at times.
I like the way you give people’s thoughts without having to resort to the internal monologue. There is one thing that I wanted to mention about your dialogue. You had Naruto state he was a virgin. Most guys wouldn’t say that. And to emphasize the point the only times I have ever stated I was a virgin, which I am, was for shock value, because most guys don’t want to admit to that and usually aren’t proud of it. I wanted people to know that I have lived a chaste life and that despite what most guys say about it, I’m happy about it, but I only said it that way, because I knew it would shock the people I was talking to by saying it that way. I would have expected Naruto to say something about how he wasn’t a pervert and hadn’t started peeking at girls and such. I also see that the way Naruto reacts to Jiraiya’s perversion leans more toward the way I would expect a girl to react than the way I would expect Naruto to react. Other than that, you dialogue and character interactions are very well written and realistic.
I hope I haven’t offended you as that was not my intention. I have enjoyed your work so far and anticipate continuing to do so. I only hope that my suggestions can help you make your story even better. I always welcome constructive critsysm of my writing and my comments. If you have an issue with anything I’ve said please feel free to E-Mail me.
Thank you for having the creativity to write a story and the courage to post it,
Your friendly neighborhood KlosetAuthor