|Reviews for Isshoni|
| Phoenix chapter 1 . 5/3/2011
Aww that was so cute. You really catured Kyuzo's character well. Great job and keep up the good work.
| Nata-chan chapter 1 . 10/11/2007
| Hodgerhosen chapter 1 . 7/10/2006
I love it. Plain and simple, I love it. It has such a nice ending for him, it makes me want to cry. Thanks for writing this.
| gunman chapter 1 . 5/4/2006
These Kyuzo stories are good, and the loneliness of the silent samurai is one that some can understand.
It's something that I've understood, especially during my college and high school days.
It was nice however, to see that everyone is willing to accept him, and even Komachi seems to like him.
And that whole bit about him being a rich lonely child made alot of sense as to how he turned out now.
Good job with this fic.
| Kawaii-lyn chapter 1 . 3/1/2006
For a 13 year old, this was a really well-written fic.
But, there are points in it that displayed your writing could use some improvement. So, without further adue, I shall tackle them.
-As he walked around the village, Kyuzo saw the villagers going on with their lives, talking, laughing… Not surprising. It’s normal. They’re only human…
I liked this line. The ending sentence that describes him as not human is clever. It adds character flaws and development.
-Kyuzo stared deeply into the river, not minding at all that the sky was gradually getting darker with each passing minute. He sat down as he slowly averted his gaze to the bright orange sun, which was now sinking behind the mountains.
BEAUTIFUL descriptions. Perhaps use more detail? Example: the sky was gradually getting darker
There are other ways to describe the darkening sky, think deeply and come up with a creative one! Metaphors/similes help as well.
-His childhood was indeed sad. When he was little, his mother died when he was only four years old, causing his relationship with his father to wither as well. He was a busy merchant, his dad, meaning Kyuzo hadn’t even had one chance to have even a three-minute conversation with him. He may have been rich because of his hardworking father, and every child in school envied him because of that.
While this is well-written, try going into his past with more detail. Avoid paraphrasing key moments in your story when the reader is supposed to feel an emotion of some sort. If you want the reader to feel sorry for Kyuzo's past...MAKE them. Descriptive words, imagery, etc. The reader then becomes more attached to your story and the character.
-Perhaps that’s the reason as to why he ran away from the start.
I like how you separated this from its preceding paragraph. A good writer's tool is knowing when to emphasize certain phrases or sentences from the story as a whole, as you did here. Good job!
- It was really dark now, and he knew he should be getting back to the others.
Avoid words like "really", "very", etc. Describe the dark with concrete nouns. "The moonless night." Etc.
-He was speechless… Stunned… What was going on?
When you use the ellipses, (...), don't capitalize the word after it. And the spacing between the word before and after should be different.
It should be: "speechless...stunned..."
Or: "speechless ... stunned ... "
Not: speechless... Stunned...
-Everything around him… there was life.
This is slightly awkward. A thing can't BE life. It can possess it. It can influence it. It can create it. It cannot BE it.
Ex: EveryWHERE around him...there was life.
Or: Everything around him...had life/possessed life/etc.
-when nobody noticed… a small smile made its way on his face.
I like this sentence.
I hope you don't think this is a flame. It's constructive criticism, and I only do it for writers I feel have the potential to improve. (Which is still pretty rare.)
Overall, I liked this fic. I'm adding it to my Samurai 7 C2 community.
Ah...mabuhay! I just read your bio. Well, your from the Philippines? Your English is astounding. I'm very impressed. I'm from America, but I'm half Filipino. My mom was born there.
Hope you follow (at least some of) my advice to improve your writing abilities. You really have talent.
| debs chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
Aaw. Short and sweet. It's nice the way you made kyuzo's childhood seem relatively normal. :
| me chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
tt was do write more.
| zucool chapter 1 . 1/9/2006
I wanted something to read about Kyuzo's past, for some reason when I read your version, I imagine a modern day Kyuzo in a modern house with television and all that. It was kinda weird for me to imagine that 0_o Anyways, the ending was pretty sweet, Kyuzo does need some sort of family to be with. _ Nice fanfic.
| happykid chapter 1 . 11/21/2005
I luv ur story!It's so angsty adn yet so happy and it's...it's argh never mind..write another one anyway!_
| Ryuuko1 chapter 1 . 11/18/2005
Hm. you're right, our takes on his childhood are different. nevertheless, it's a good read. (just a little aside,in the opening creditsof the anime, they spell Kyuuzou's name in katakana,and it's has the longer vowels. Kyu u zo u. sorry, pet peeve that has nothing todowith the story whatsoever). the characters are in character, too, which is a major plus. keep up the good work.
| Samuraiko chapter 1 . 11/2/2005
Nice... Keep on writing...
| evilbrownie chapter 1 . 11/1/2005
Where'd all the typos go? *cries in a corner*
NEver mind that... that was a good one-shot _ not bad... maybe if I tried, I would've ended up messing up the whole thing _
-o dandelion o-
| FukuWija chapter 1 . 10/28/2005
If you could only see me now. I'm crying... yes.
Honestly. I LOVE this FIC. I'm goin ta add and er... even save it in my COMP.
-wipes tears- I feel this story is soo TOUCHING... -_-
ALL HAIL Kyuzo!
- Lija-chan -
| Lost Demon102 chapter 1 . 10/14/2005
. . . I do NOT know what to say about this Co- I mean Fauna-chan...
Don't you think it was so sudden to see the rest of the group standing there and waiting for him? It was like they were right on time man!
. . .
Anyway, I'm gonna update That's Just My Life soon... I'll TRY to make the next chappie long...
Okie~ Time to continue typing next chappie... Byee~
| NarcissisticRiceBall chapter 1 . 10/10/2005
Great story! I really enjoyed it. _