Reviews for Gnomes : Chapter 1
Bob Bakker chapter 1 . 6/1/2002



(against my religion...)

saltedbolts chapter 1 . 7/10/2001
Woo hoo! Finally another *non-drow* story and not even an elf or a mage! (Damn, I wrote about elves and mages myself...) Now, what we truly need is a kender... Oops, that's out of the Realms. Good story. :) (Spare some time to review my "On a spiral road", please?)
altairi chapter 1 . 6/27/2001
You're going to continue with the story, aren't you? Please say you are. You know, I'm playing a Gnome character in D&D now (it's my first gnome PC) and your story is a really great help.
Fluffy the Pitbull chapter 1 . 6/22/2001
I'm writing down all my thought as I go along, so this is bound to be long. Hey, you requested nitpicking. The rest of you can skip down to the last sentence or so, my overall opinion. "Doing other minor ways"? Did you mean "doing other minor things" perhaps? "Some for the better, and well, let us not get into that" Nice. "do not think of the gnomes to hurt the forest by cutting down the trees" sounds wrong. It would be correct to say "he and his brothers picked the weapons" not "him and his brothers...". You seem to confuse the plural with the possesive or with the singular a lot. He's not really going to send lightning with the arrows, is he? "The ceremony when the child reaches twelve summers" needs a verb. "she was what was in Tiel's room"? No. She saw what was in Teil's room. That's my nitpicking for chapter one. Do you really want me to be this critical? I hope so, because I'm about to delve into chapter two. Overall, I like it a lot so far. I in I'll should be capitalized. "Thinking he may be dead" should stay in the past tense where it belongs: "Thinking he might be dead". He knew that he was smarter than his brotherS but he never pointed IT out. "Too exhausted", not "to exhausted". He "jumped out of bed"? What bed? And now, for some broader, probably more meaningful things I have to say. Lovely. Not as cliched as so many stories I've found on here. Well written, especially considering it's only your second story. Interesting. Bravo.
helios childer chapter 1 . 6/16/2001

-king diamond
Frostmaiden chapter 1 . 5/16/2001
Pretty good, considering I'm not exactly the greatest writer in the world. Write more soon!
NuttyNuggets chapter 1 . 5/13/2001
Hey, that's pretty good. No one usually writes about the little guys, especially if the gnomes aren't the mad scientist type (Dragonlance.) I might write about svirfneblin, but the characters would probably get put on a kabob by drow :P
Hermione Anne Albert chapter 1 . 5/9/2001
When can I see more of your stories? Keep writing! This is wonderful!There were a few minor grammatical errors, but nothing serious. I live it!
Fantasy Kitty chapter 1 . 5/4/2001
Hey i like the story! very intresting! I mosty skimmed but i got the inportant parts of you story! you must of worked hard on it!
Taemyr chapter 1 . 4/30/2001
*nods* pretty good! how should i put this? *frowns in though* hmm, i think i got it. k, in the beginning your saying that it's a story about Tiel who is a gnome.. that sort of thing, then a bit later on you go on saying Tiel ran from the room or something? Are you getting what i'm saying? cause i'm ... well it's like your telling a story then your not... uh... if you still don't understand e-mail me k?
JibbzyD chapter 1 . 4/24/2001
Sorry...I'm having some trouble reading it...but I will soon...but slowly so that it may be critiqued. Thank you for your patience!
Koisk chapter 1 . 4/23/2001
It's great, so far! I don't see how anyone gather the wood and make two bows and ninety arrows in one night, but... Also, there were a couple of grammer mistakesm such as 'The unique thing about Littlewood was the way the children would choose what they weapon they would specialize in.' and 'Scimitars, long swords, short swords, daggers, scimitars, and maces.' Nothing spell check would usually pick up, it just might be good to read it over again. Other than that, it's enjoyable; not to slow, not to fast and you have almost no trouble with details. I don't remember any place where I did, but... )
Anatol Rathbauer chapter 1 . 4/22/2001
Well, I think you can be proud of the story. It's a good read, especially since it tells everything from the Gnomes' perspective, which is a welcome variation to all those Elves and Dwarves. The only thing I can suggest is skipping the part describing the village after the paragraph beginning with "The village itself was constructed deep within a vast forest." - it gives the first chapter a bit the feeling of being a scientific article rather than a story. Maybe it'd be nice to include all the details you thought of in a dialogue or have a character wander through the village, describing it as he goes. Nothing to nitpick once the story itself starts, though. Just my 2 cents.