|Reviews for Erased|
| Gabylonia chapter 9 . 9/12/2017
I love this chapter! Especially when she falls asleep while he carries her! it was pretty cute!
These first person's fics are my favorite, especially Brago's! Love to read the way he thinks while the story developes. I know this is an old one but I hope to see another like this from you! :D
My favorite for now :D
| xxpreciousrose18xx chapter 1 . 11/28/2013
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/13/2013
please write more ;)
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/5/2012
Amazing Story! I just absolutely love it
| Shadowsleeper34 chapter 30 . 5/27/2010
This is a great story. Poor brago was confused the whole time. But I want to know will their be more to it if it is I would love to read it
| Julie013 chapter 12 . 5/21/2009
"So we got on the TRAIN and sat down, prepared to take flight and soon we were airborne"? Other than that, I love this story
Especially comparing it to the other fanfics I've read recently, where it has no real plot, only fluff and *cough*bad*cough* fighting scenes. But, even not on that standard, this is a great story.
| kidishcaresh chapter 2 . 9/17/2008
Hey your story looked interesting but I have a few constructive things that you should pay attention to.
1. I took my one hand and put it on her back and with my other grabbed her legs...
Leave the first 5 words out of the sentences because what you write is grammatically incorrect and even impossible to do. You don't take your hand and do something.
Correct way to write it: I placed one hand on her back and with the other grabbed her legs.
See that's much better to read through then when you type I took my hand
2. try keeping your paragraphs in the correct order. A new paragraph starts when the scene changes or the speaker talks to another person.
3. Spoken sentences:
Eyes widening I stared at the blond with a blank look. "What?"
Again not gramatically correct and very confusing it will make people stop reading.
Correct way: "What?" I asked staring at the blond with a blank look, my eyes widening.
Also spoken sentences begin at a new line. Meaning that if another spoken sentence follows after a spoken sentence you first press enter then type the next spoken sentence.
And lastly on this subject try to write spoken sentences with the ending I/he/she/they/we said
"You really don't know me?"
Correct: "You really don't know me?" I asked.
4. The use of words in a different language at random points.
This is something many authors do and which caused most readers to stop reading the story all together.
Do not do this unless the person is actually speaking in that language in which case you write the whole sentence in that language and give a translation at the bottom of the chapter with the meaning.
Randomly adding foreign words in your text will throw many readers off and cause them to stop reading. Especially the ever popular Japanese words like Ningen, Baka, Onna and the in Zatch Bell stories ever popular Mamodo and Makai.
You don't spout out random Japanese words when you talk to your friends so the characters in your story shouldn't either.
This is not meant to be hurtful toward you just to help you improve your writing. The story idea is very interesting and I will definitely continue to read it. I hope these constructive points with explanation will help you improve your writing for future stories and chapters.
| aussie girl1990 chapter 30 . 4/7/2007
will you be updating this story? please PM me if you areor if your not, please.
i love this story and cant wait to see what you think up of next.
| lindajrjt chapter 30 . 3/22/2007
Good story! This is something that is very enjoyable to read. Imagine Brago falling in love with Sherry! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading the sequel.
| Lone Maestro chapter 30 . 12/8/2006
Wow, what a long story! I think it was very detailed and romatic... Good story! I look forward to reading the sequel.
| X Author Account Closed X chapter 30 . 9/30/2006
So sorry for not reviewing; I just got back from Shanghai. Gomen, gomen.
Anyways, nice ending. Looking forward to the sequel.
P.S.: I saw your comic. XD Funny
Zero kinda looks like Damien from South Park, though...
| Emria chapter 30 . 9/29/2006
I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THIS STORY AND THERES NOT TO MANY ZATCH BELL OR GASH BELL OR WHICHEVER YA LIKE BETTER STORYS IM WILLING TO READ SO YEAH AND WHATS A NINGEN I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT THAT IS CAUSE I USED AS AN INSULT TWICE TO MA LITTLE BRO SO I GOTTA KNOW WHAT IT MEANS YA KNOW WELL OK THEN
Be cool Be crazy Be you
| Dragon and Sword Master chapter 30 . 9/25/2006
I like the way that you end this chapter and story. I can't wait to see what happens in the next few chapters.
| IYGU chapter 30 . 9/24/2006
Great work. The fanfiction thing ain't working for me eiter
| Catbuddy chapter 30 . 9/23/2006
This chapter was awesome. It was a closing and a transition into the next story all at once. WELL DONE! Now hurry up and start the sequel, lol. :)