|Reviews for Enter The Emperor's Chosen|
| orionastro chapter 4 . 1/11
this story is just amazing , i hope you can update soon .
| Fives32 chapter 4 . 7/29/2013
I hope there is more of this.
| Chris Adair chapter 4 . 12/21/2010
thats cool. come back to this.
| waltzmelancholy chapter 2 . 8/3/2010
All right... Dude brace yourself... I don't have anything against you... I just want you to improve... I'm not the type that sugar coats mistakes... Ready?... Here it goes...
The plot may be good but the appeal to me was flat... The pacing didn't experience any change at all... It was just speed 1 till the end. The characters were bland... and your description of what was happening was just as tasteless...
FYI though, I only read the 1st chapter and couldn't bear to read the rest...
I know what you're thinking, chapter 1? For crying out loud!... But the 1st chapter must be an appetizer mate... It must first impress, intrigue and captivate your readers before they could have the desire to read the rest...
It's more like a first impression thing... If the 1st chapter was this ordinary, then the rest would be as well... You get my drift?...
I suggest you research both universes thoroughly... And come up with an idea that would greatly draw your readers in... Come up also with a theme... Warhammer 40k is a dystopian universe and SG1 is well... The present and is pretty much filled hope and happy endings... Combining them is very hard because they're complete opposites...
Come up with a feel and a strategy as to how to tell your story, 40k is depressing and riddled with gore and violence. SG1 is optimistic and the bad guys always lose... See the problem now?...
And one more thing, find a focal point... An idea where your story and characters must orbit...
Time machine plots are pretty cliche... But it takes a great writer to use one and make it into something else... What am I saying? The idea that the Imperium went to the past is good but how and why they did it is cliche... Think of something else mate...
Hope this helps you...
| Imperial Bob chapter 2 . 8/14/2009
If the Emperor is alive once more, then the first thing he would do is disband the Inquisition and the Commisariat along with the religon surrounding him. So the Grey Knights would not be refrering to the SGC as "holy one(s)"
| Trife chapter 4 . 8/14/2009
This is a good story I really hope that you continue it! Please update soon!
| As If You Cared chapter 4 . 8/10/2009
great job, more please:P
| Lunatic Pandora1 chapter 4 . 5/25/2009
Hmm.. this is pretty good. Kinda wish you'd explore the workings of the armor a bit more, as well as the reactions of the unarmored people seeing them wearing those things.
| S058 chapter 4 . 5/5/2009
very good, but 2 Vindicares, a Eviserator, and a company of Grey Knights? sounds to me like over kill, also Vindicars are extremely rare, so a suicide order would bu unrealistic seeing how they're hell to train, and killin ghtem off would be useless. otherwise very good, can't wait to see how the Jaffa deal with them
| Myou 'Munashiime' Ryoushi chapter 4 . 9/9/2008
Please continue soon.
| Rimshooter chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
Ecept the custodes are much more skilled then grey knights...
| Sdarian chapter 4 . 2/5/2008
This started off pretty interesting. Besides the mix up of when to use ' ' and " ", this has started off to a rather good start. I hope you decide to come back and write more on it. Good luck.
| Uncle Joe chapter 4 . 7/3/2007
this is really really cool...fans of warhammer would probably bag you out for reviving the emporer but im not gonna do it after all this is a fanfic
| Iceplague chapter 4 . 6/23/2007
Well, lets see. I don't have a lot more to add about 40K that hasn't already been said. The story is intriguing and frankly I like crossovers, granted most don't work out, but this one shows promise. So I'll just say keep it up and I think this has a lot of good potential. But if you want some constructive criticism here it goes, I think having two vidicare assassins is overkill, not to mention their suicide order. I'm not sure why It's the Grey knight Demon killers that went instead of the deathwatch. I think the tech-priests would take offense with Carters lack of reverence of the machine spirit. I look forward to reading some more.
| Neodammarung chapter 4 . 6/10/2007
god. Throw in the dark Eldar, the Necrons, the Tyranids, the Tau and the Halo Forerunners and it will be better than ever. Please at least consider my ideas and read the warhamer 40k rulebook if you don't know what I mean and play halo, read the books and all pleasse