Reviews for Revelations
Miko Rune chapter 1 . 7/24/2014
OK, first i am so beyond ecstatic that you updated Expectations. However, Because the story's so long I have decided to reread the entire series start to finish again before reading your update. It'll catch me up on anything I might have forgotten since last time I read it. So wait up for review at the latest chapter while I get to enjoy your story all over again. I love this story.

See you at the finish.-
seireidoragon chapter 5 . 1/9/2014
This was great and I'm definitely reading the sequel!
Sage Nightwing chapter 5 . 8/5/2013
i like it.
sequel is next.
yay!

Sage
DragonsFlame117 chapter 4 . 7/7/2013
It's funny, this and expectations are two of my most loved jak n damas stories, heck, it's one of my favorite stories period. And I always forget how short the first part is, especially with how wonderfully long the sequel is. Still loving and crying and laughing with these stories.
Guest chapter 5 . 6/11/2013
I LOVED IT!
CJ-T-Bone chapter 4 . 5/27/2013
Jak said it, "that was awesome"
DarkEcoFreak chapter 5 . 5/9/2013
When did the rating change?! And I must admit, I can't see why it was rated M at first. I'm not seeing anything that needed an M rating. Well anyway…

I loved that! It was so freakin epic! I absolutely loved the part where Jak scares the monk with his fangs. I died of laughter. Oh and the "girly men" as well. Those moments were priceless!

Everything about this was wonderful! Your an amazing writer so that only adds to an amazing fic
Ukia Catdragon chapter 5 . 3/24/2013
Reviewing chapter 5! Whoo! Then it's bedtime. The chair I'm sitting in is not kind on the butt or the back. Damn chair...
***

I could still feel the Dark, but it was so.. muted now. The Light swirled around it, not blocking it but balancing it.

It was peaceful. My mind and body felt cleaner, clearer than before I could accurately remember. Without the constant internal struggle against the Dark, I felt sharper. Fresh. Able to think, able to be.
-
Excellent description of the balancing effect, & how it affects him. Jak realizing that Dark Eco causes depression in him as well as the other dark emotions is important, both for him & for we the readers.
**

"Uh.. you sure this is the right stop, big guy?" He asked nervously. "Because fur and sand don't go so well together. Fur and heat don't go well together. Put them together and you've got one sand-encrusted ottsel-brick."
-
Lol, another giggle-worthy moment.
**

Jak shrugged, irritation crossing his face. That was answer enough, if a little surprising. The Jak he'd known before would have ripped the guy apart.
-
Light Eco, the miracle of the Eco-based world.
**

This shorthand form of communication was something he'd witnessed before, primarily when fighting in close quarters with Jak and his pal. He'd never really understood how it had originated. It was too cryptic, too broken, to be a simple result of familiarity. Childhood codes and slang-speech tended to be structured more logically, closer to the form of the language everybody spoke.

This.. this was almost primitive, as though Daxter could pick up pretty much anything Jak felt like saying out of thin air, and all Jak had to do was pipe up with a guiding or clarifying word here and there.

It was also utterly exclusive, leaving no opening for Sig to puzzle out their words.. well, at least until Daxter got started on a long-winded rant of some kind.. but then the topic tended to weave so much, it still wasn't very useful.
-
Very nicely done, explaining Jak & Daxter's bond & mode of communication. & how they confuse everyone around them who're trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.
**

"You went to the fortress?" Jak hissed, the light-hearted banter and ease of posture from before vanished. In its place was a lithe, eco-enhanced warrior who was practically vibrating with furious aggression.

And there was a reminder Sig probably needed.

Jak hadn't come out of that place unscathed. That chair and those men had taken a boy barely into his teens and broken him, putting the jagged pieces together again into a killing machine… one who just happened to retain the ability to reason, retain a sense of self..

And one who could probably put the credit for his humanity at the furry little feet of the ottsel watching him worriedly.
-
Yes, Sig, you needed the reminder. That way we know you're paying attention. Good job on making things obvious for the reader, by-the-by. The ways different people realize things gives us all a different take on what happened. & again, poor Jak.
**

He knew that Dark Jak was all about instinct and reaction.. he didn't know how much of that bled over when Jak was just angry, but the less subtle encouragement he gave that aggression, the better.
-
Very smart, Sig. Safety first.
**

Daxter's entire explanation to Sig about Jak is very enlightening, & very well done. Frankly, I think Daxter talking to Damas in "Expectations" in the same way would help Damas understand his son. I have other thoughts along that line, but I will save them for my "Expectations" reviews.
***

Time for bed. How long I will be in bed depends on how active my brain is. So I will start reviewing "Expectations" either in the morning (for me here in Minnesota, USA) or sometime later this night. I'll let you know which when I start reviewing the sequel.

Keep writing & have fun!

-.-
Ukia Catdragon chapter 4 . 3/24/2013
Or maybe a nap will wait while I'm on a roll. Ah well, reviewing chapter 4!
***

I like how Aiden got lost. Just goes to show that bastards get what's coming to them, either in little doses at a time or all at once. I think the neophytes would have noticed something, though.
**

" It would resonate with the seal, if it were held by the King.. Or even his blood would do, as the King has given his seal to Sig for the time being.. Were that the only protection, it would not be difficult for us. However, those Eco Crystals are not decoration alone. They act like a combination lock. This seal needs not only the line of Mar to open it, but also a Sage of both Light and Dark Eco."
-
Always nice to have an explanation of the world's technology, whatever it may be. (Yeah, I'm a little nutty about such things.)
**

An ancient test, set by Mar himself.

The grateful masses, as he devised the solution and unlocked the greatest power they could wield against the Dark Eco creatures.
-
Good grief, Aiden is as arrogant & conceited as Veger is. Sheesh. Please tell me that unpleasant things happen to him later. He really deserves it.
**

And then, after all this and if his idea proved correct.. they would need to involve the King.

Who would no doubt be very unpleasant to the Monk who had taken the boy away without permission.
-
So, when will Damas find out? Daxter, perhaps?
**

"Fuck you." He growled. "You have no fucking clue what you're talking about. Even if I could change right now, I wouldn't. I don't have any control when I'm like that, don't you get it? I'd kill you!"
-
Trying to protect people he doesn't even like... Jak, you are a better person than me. I'd kill him. No, I'm not the nicest person around when it comes to idiots. (My definition of 'idiot' is rather broad, BTW. Helps me include intelligent assholes in the category.)
**

He jerked a head at the gourds held by the two neophytes and Aiden visibly started at the realisation that the monster before him could sense the Eco... from within sealed containers.
-
Methinks you mean 'jerked a HAND', not 'a head'. Jak only has one head, while he has 2 hands.
**

Showing a complete and utter disregard for the craftsmanship and age of the vessel, the blonde threw it to the ground – quite strongly, considering he looked like a kitten could put him down right now.
-
What made Aiden think Jak would care for the gourd? He's a warrior: he breaks things in his line of work. & the image of a kitten attacking Jak is just adorable. Mew!
**

Despite his contempt, even Aiden could not help but feel a little awed. That amount of Dark Eco would mean instant death to any other man… And this boy wasn't even screaming…
-
Silly monk, that's nothing by Jak's standards.
**

Aiden loosened his limbs, preparing himself for battle. Hopefully he could kill the creature once it had completed its purpose... Self defence, of course..
-
Again, silly monk. You wouldn't stand a chance against Dark Jak. The people of Spargus, & the monks in particular, should get to see Dark Jak in action at least once. Just so they understand why he initially refused to open the vent so vehemently. They might learn something. Such as realizing that though he didn't like them, Jak was trying to protect them...from himself. Seem & the neophytes are more likely to get the lesson than Aiden, though. He's a twitter-brain.
**

If it hadn't been for the mention of the King, Jak would have told the bastard quite explicitly what he could go do with himself and his problematic eco vent. Jak had been well and truly conditioned out of mindless obedience or love of authority figures a long time ago..
-
I don't blame you, Jakky-boy. Not one bit. After all the crap he went through...
**

But what made her both fear and pity him, was the utter lack of soul in his black eyes. The angry, defensive boy was gone.. replaced entirely by a demon.

No wonder he spoke of his Dark as another person…
-
Yeah... If you'd bothered to talk to him, Seem, you might have learned WHY as well.
**

That.. should not have been possible. Not for a body so saturated with the Dark. He should not have survived even if he hadn't changed before hand…

The source of the light was not coming from the vent. Seem gasped and stepped closer, battling the light/dark waves of energy to do so. Reaching out every sense she possessed, she struggled to understand her instincts.

Somehow.. somehow the boy had retained something pure. Not just an absence of defilement, not just an untouched core.. but a pure one. A light one.

One that was - even now – fighting to re-structure his body, opening his veins up to the Light Eco outside him… drawing the pure energy in and keeping him alive as it fought the Dark.
-
I like how Seem notices these things, yet she takes forever to fully process them, or even partially process them. Methinks she's a little to set in her ways. Keeping an open mind is a must, in order to learn new things every day.
***

On to the next chapter!

-.-
Ukia Catdragon chapter 3 . 3/24/2013
Reviewing chapter 3! Then it's nap time, then back online.
***

Dark, almost-black blood that was still wet after all this time…

It wasn't, but it did give him a nasty shock, making him pull his hand back sharply with a barely-stifled yelp of pain. Before his eyes, the blood glowed faintly purple before fading and drying. The blood splattered over the rest of the chair, however, still shone wetly.
-
Eeeew... talk about disturbing. Par for the course with the Dark Warrior Program.
**

"I've known Jak a lot longer than you, Sig. When something of his is threatened or in trouble.. there isn't anything in this world that can stop him.
-
I like how Daxter puts this. Not only does it tell us about Jak's loyalty to his friends, but also his innate need to help others.
**

'Jak? Social? Are we talking about the same Dark Warrior here?'
-
I like it when expressions say so much. With Jak being a mute for over a decade, methinks he mastered that skill, & Daxter learned it.
**

"It's not precursor-science…
-
Another Daxter turn of phrase I like. He's so good at coming up with creative use of language... Which means you really do a good job writing everyone's favorite ottsel.
**

It was their duty, as Monks of the Precursors. All spawn of the Dark must be eradicated, if the Light were to be preserved.

And if he enjoyed the execution of his duty upon this young, tainted creature... then all the better.
-
Oh, boy. I can't wait till Daxter interacts with that bastard in "Expectations". A good telling-off at the least awaits Aiden.
***

Time for a nap, then on to the next chapter.

-.-
Ukia Catdragon chapter 2 . 3/24/2013
Me again! Reviewing chapter 2! Whee! (I really should feed, water, & rest myself regularly...)
***

Generally, Wastelanders who needed rescuing automatically forfeited a part of their findings as payment to the Rescuer. Whether it be artefacts found in the sands or amour, weapons & hides picked up off the corpses of Metal Heads and Marauders alike – you paid the Wastelander who risked his hide to save yours.
-
I like the fleshing out of society & it's laws. Always nice to see in fics, especially when the source material is so vague about it. *grumbles*
**

...not to MENTION the fact that she was almost certain that a big part of her feelings were a very immature 'hero worship' combined with hormones...
-
At least she knows what her problem is...
**

The kid had struck him as the type who'd not only make waves, but would then blissfully surf down them as other people were swallowed whole by the destruction.
-
Hehe, I like that turn of phrase. A lot.
**

"This is Jak? The one you told me about?" The man asked, surprise on his face.

Belatedly, Sig realised that he hadn't actually yet told the man just who he'd dragged into the city.

"Oh. Yes, he is." He answered, hiding his momentary embarrassment.
-
Face-palm-worthy moment! Pity it's a mental face palm. That would be funny. But Sig must have his dignity... *sigh*
**

Oh well. He wasn't one to look a gift-yakkow in the mouth.
-
Another good turn of phrase, & world-related, no less! Kudos!
**

From Sig's reports he'd pictured the man (Sig had never given any indication that he thought of Jak as anything less) to be.. well, older. At the point in his life when one truly begins to look at the world around them and decides to make a difference.

It was difficult to reconcile his impressions of skilled warrior, bitter with hate and bad experiences yet still reliable and honourable – with this slender, wounded youth.
-
A lot of people have similar first impressions upon seeing/meeting Jak if they've heard about him beforehand, Damas. That's normal.
**

Was I really that out of it that I'd let a complete stranger touch me? Or were my instincts actually functioning properly and this really was a man I could trust?

Focus Jak. Analyse your messed up self after you find out if you murdered the one good thing Haven city had shown you.
-
Oh boy, Jak's thoughts are all over the place, aren't they? Kind of a pity he knows just how messed up he is. He'd be happier if he didn't.
**

The new commander of the Krimzon Guard had been weighed down with paperwork and was about four times as irritable as usual. His vocabulary had also apparently increased.. in terms of incredibly explicit suggestions..
-
LOL! Oh, if we could only hear what Torn was saying... *collapses in a giggle fit*
**

But the terrified look on Mika's self-righteous face had been classic. He'd been hard-pressed not to laugh out loud, as the monk had tripped backwards in fear only to scramble up and bolt from the throne room. He was a King, after all. It wasn't polite to laugh at monks.
-
Again, LOL! Especially the last 2 sentences. Politeness is always good, but a good laugh is better, IMO. Laugh anyway, Damas! Laugh!
**

She had used to laugh and insist it was ok, as long as they restored their manliness immediately afterwards… Head butting contents had been her favourite prescription for her 'favourite girly men'.
-
'Favorite girly men'... he he he... Oh, I'd use the English spelling as opposed to the American spelling, but it makes my spell-checker upset. The fewer red dotted lines to distract my OCD, the better.
**
He glanced towards the screen. It seemed to be loading some pre-set program. He snorted. Baron Praxis had been known for his computer illiteracy…
-
Not surprised... not surprised at all. Praxis always did strike me as lacking in the intellect department...
**

Knowing his friend had been experimented on was one thing. Seeing it was another.
-
Yes. Yes it is. That kind of thing is always disturbing. Sig's reaction to the records he reads on Jak are both realistic & gratifying. I like the fight jak put up, though. I got an idea based on that that I'll tell you later. It involves Guard gossip.
**

...thankful that his artificial eye made it impossible for him to look cross-eyed.
-
LOL! He's worried about looking cross-eyed with an ottsel on his head? *snigger*
**

...even when I threatened to leave ottsel droppings all through the palace…
-
An excellent threat. He should use it Spargus to keep Wastelanders in line. With how precious water is in the desert, threatening to leave ottsel dropping in their canteens would have to be taken seriously.
**

After all, there were no laws against brining animals to Spargus.
-
Um, you forgot a 'g' in 'bringing'. I don't always remember to point those little things out in reviews, but that one's really annoying for me. Dunno why.
**

He looked – really looked – at the ottsel for the first time. The hyper happy, yapping braggart was still there, but overlaid was a devoted, fierce friend. One who was at a disadvantage in almost every way, yet was still prepared to head off into almost certain death – alone – just to help Jak.
-
It's always nice to see how other people react to noticing the hidden depths of Daxter. Methinks Sig should mention that little observation to someone. Then again, i just like reading about these things.
**

"You know your way around?"

"Well duh. Who do you think busted him out, anyway?" He scampered off. His derisive voice floated back.

"Wastelanders.. they just don't think…"
-
Hehe, another giggle-worthy moment. I love 'em.
***

Next chapter ahoy!

-.-
Ukia Catdragon chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
Okay, I've read this fic several times now, & I'm finally getting around to reviewing it. I know, bad me. *smacks self* So, I really, really like this story. I've also noticed a lot of good ideas & quotes in your readers' reviews. (Yes, I read them. Several are hilarious.) I advise using the really funny turns of phrase they use in "Expectations". We like seeing ideas used. Okay, back on track. Review!
***

Sig's POV, really like. He's fun to read. Don't blame him for not liking Haven & the pollution & all. Perfectly natural, far as I'm concerned. The Wasteland's cleaner. Harder to live in, maybe, but nicer to live in.
**

Jak's in a serious bout of depression. I have the same problem, only mine's inherited, not artificially induced. Poor Jak. I feel for you, buddy.
-
He hadn't eaten in the last three days, but that was ok. He was well used to going without food. He'd drunk from the port water, which was technically unhealthy although the most effect it had on him was a foul taste in his mouth and a lingering headache.
-
Yep, serious depression. Accurate portrayal of depression, BTW.
**
Jak was proving more difficult to track down than the Wastelander had thought. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, though.. The kid had evaded capture for the entirety of the war against the Baron…

The kid had done a lot of things, in fact… Things that no other Haven citizen had ever done, at least, not any who hadn't already been exiled.

But right now, he wished the blonde wasn't quite so good at avoiding detection.
-
Poor Sig, searching for He-who-is-unfindable-if-he-so-chooses. Heh. Methinks he only found Jak because Jak wasn't actively hiding.
**

He frowned, just slightly. His eco detectors were registering a strong pulse of the dark stuff. The readings normally bounced up into the 'supposedly lethal' area when Jak was around.. but they'd never pulsed like this… Never been this high…

Mentally shrugging, he brushed the readings off. For all he knew, this was the norm for Jak in a time where he couldn't just 'go Dark' every other day.
-
Shouldn't've done that, Sig. Always ask about such things, especially when Dark Eco is involved. You'll live longer.
**

The Wastelander eyed him only briefly before nodding his acknowledgement. He noticed, with an internal smirk, his companion's eyes automatically tracking the hover vehicles flying overhead, a predatory look in the blue eyes.

"Hero of Haven or not, I don't think the Governor would appreciate us showing up in a stolen car, Jak."
-
Heheh, old habits die hard. LOL! I like how Sig says that. (giggle fit)
**

Jak just shrugged as he slowly swirled a small amount of water inside his mouth, a technique of staving off thirst and conserving water that Sig had been planning to teach him.
-
Always good to describe such things. You never know when a reader will actually need such a survival technique. I've found that I've learned more things from reading fiction than school. Sad, no?
**

"Sig, there's something out there. A Metal Head. Feels…" The youth shifted, unconsciously drawing his weapon. "Different." He finished, slightly frustrated.
-
Eco sensing... Always good to have. Especially with Metal Heads.
**

"Stay hidden for as long as you can!" He ordered, straining to stay in control. "If I come after you, don't hesitate to take me down." He heard Sig begin to protest and turned slightly with a snarl, canines lengthening. "Damnit Sig! You're probably the only damn person I actually give a fuck about, so don't make me wake up to see your corpse! Please!"
-
Jak & his loyalty to his friends, wanting to protect them at the cost of his own wellbeing. Poor boy. I also don't blame you for not counting Daxter in that definition of 'person'. Dark Jak has yet to harm the ottsel.
**

So this is Dark Jak.

The rumors weren't a patch on the real thing. He'd always thought them to be exaggerated, as rumors often were, but damn…

He'd never asked the quiet blonde about it. It wasn't something you just started a conversation about over a mug of ale, and besides… He'd always just figured the kid went into a kind of berserker mode – as sometimes happened, to Wastelanders in particular - and it therefore wasn't any of his business.

But the monster down there – having far too much fun to simply be a berserker – was far worse than the tales he'd heard.
-
Yeah... that's pretty much how I imagined it to be, too. I like how the rumors aren't up to snuff, & how DJ has so much fun being violent. Dark Eco at it's best!
**

One of the most frightening things about losing control entirely, is that there is no 'seeing but unable to interact' element to it. I am not just unaware during one of those 'episodes'…for the entire time that my Dark self takes over…. I cease to be.

And every time it happens, it could be the last. It's like dying over and over again.
-
Ugh, poor Jak. He should tell someone at some point, so they understand where he's coming from. (In "Expectations", obviously.)
**

He remembered his shock at seeing his friend's muscular, yet dangerously underweight body - like a weapon that hadn't been taken care of. Powerful, but liable to break sooner or later.
-
Pretty much what just happened, Sig. Then he discovers the seal. Poor confused guy. Good thing, though.
***

Alright, on to the next chapter! Keep writing & have fun!

-.-
DarkDevil88 chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
I love this story.. You have put so much time and effort into it... This is the third time I have read this.. Just amazing!
Danny Hellcat chapter 5 . 9/28/2012
Damn. I finally get to the highlight of the story and find out that it that the next chapter isn't on yet! Are you going to update soon?
Guest chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
it great and all but i wish you can make it longer by having more chapters.
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