|Reviews for Deception|
| AnimeGirl4891 chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
More chapters please.
| Pharaoh'sCrystals chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
Heart this story! I got your review for Past is Present what did u mean by OC? Are you talking about Serena? if so yes she is... y? lol
| Chi Yagami chapter 1 . 12/3/2005
hey nice start. just got around to reviewing a bunch of stuff I havent read yet I cant remember if I read this original or not. hm oh well
update soon _V
| Jade Wyvern chapter 1 . 11/19/2005
Neeh. Finally got some time to review and all that good stuff. -sweatdrop-
Well, since I've already pretty much seen this part, I have a general idea of what's going to happen already. That also means that this chapter isn't entirely 'fresh' to me so - as far as content goes - it's off to a good start.
The thing you can work on, however, is the amount of detail you're putting into the story. The thing you're lacking at the current moment is detail. Experiment around a little first to find the perfect amount of detail to put in your story. I suggest what you do first is to put so much detail that you've exhausted all resources as to what to put in it for that particular scene. You know, detail the actions, the surroundings, the clothes, etc. This chapter was especially lacking in the 'surroundings' detail so pay attention to that and stuff.
The sentence flow is alright but the transitions may need a tiny bit of work. There's either some weak transitions or none at all. It breaks up the flow between paragraphs so watch out for that.
As for thoughts, I suggest putting them in italics instead of apostrophes but...meh, doesn't matter too much I suppose. Just a preference I guess.
I also suggest writing out numbers. So, instead of '15,' write 'fifteen.' It just looks better that way; I'm not too sure why.
Other than that, it's good so far. Keep going and update soon - though don't be surprised if I don't review right away.
| Pharaoh Atems' Favorite Queen chapter 1 . 11/18/2005
Hello, again! I reviewed "Who was I really?" and it was really good! "Deception" is also really good. I'm just a little sad that there's only one chapter. I'd be cool if you continued with it as I'd like to read more of it. Yami acting kinda "insecure" is really...Cute? or is it "Kawaii"? *shrug* Did I get that right? Hey, you said in your profile you love yami, so would check out "From Now 'Til Eternity" for me? It's a poem written by Yami. I think you'd like it. Later.
~Pharaoh Atems' Favorite Queen
| Senwich chapter 1 . 11/17/2005
Yo Pharoah's Jewel! How you doing?
Well...uhm about my yugioh story, are you talking about the one where Tea finds herself married to Bakura(called A Dream Come True)? If so, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you noticed that about one and half years ago, I took a LONG break from fanfiction. I had a huge writers block and hardly any inspiration at all. I just began to write again around the end of spring. Uhm...and then I submitted a new chapter for that story and someone told me that there was already another story just like that. Also, that story wasn't very popular and without people constantly giving my ideas and attention, I just couldn't find out what to make happen next in the story. It seemed kinda pointless. So, I deleted that story. If you really liked it, I could just tell you how I planned to make it LoL
I had originally planned to make it that she gets "hit" by a car right? And she did. She's in the hospital and she's in a coma. While she's in a coma, she's living a totally different "life." I had to endings: she soon finds out that the dream she was living was actually a dream of her future, or she awakens and finds that it was JUST a dream and nothing more. To be honest, I was gonna make it the second ending.
If you look at my most recent stories, I haven't updated in a while(except this new story I just made). I've been REALLY busy with school, and I need help with the action scene for one of the stories. Yeah. Wellps, it's good ta know that you're bak! I'll try to read your stories whenever I have time! YOU GO! WOOT! (_)
| AllIWannaDo chapter 1 . 11/16/2005
k...here's the deal...that was HOT! lol...and u think I'M a good writer? haha...u're so modest, chica. (chyea i know, what the heck is spanish doin' in there, right? :D ) but seriously, i lurve the way you wrote this! too bad i know almost nuttin' about anime. so sad. :'( i still wanna find out what happens, though! update soon. byes...c u at school! lol
| Lynnstoryteller chapter 1 . 11/15/2005
hay wow i havent been on fan fic in forever but yeah heres a coment for you.
| KuramaandHieiever chapter 1 . 11/10/2005
This isn't the girl who has the spirit of Blue eyes, is it? Like in the manga (if you've been reading your shonen jump ~)? I'm thinking not, but it's interesting so far! I suck at writing dialogue, but you're really good at it ! if you update, tell me! 'Cause I usually just delete author alerts 'cause I have WAY WAY WAY too many (story alerts too).