Reviews for Legend
Gaalsien chapter 1 . 4/21/2006
It's good. You've got just the right levels of dialogue, description of the surroundings, and description of the characters and their actions. Kudos.
Thunder rules1 chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
hey joe this is Devin good job so far
Rebecca the Eccentric Crackpot chapter 6 . 1/10/2006
Honestly, this story needs more reviews. It's wonderful. Keep writing!
superguy chapter 4 . 12/8/2005
Jo, these chapters, three and four, were excellent. I loved the storyline and the way that it is going. There were some parts that confused me a bit because of the way you set up your paragraphs, but that is just minor stuff. The characters are very vibrant and I love reading about them! I printed off your story and read it all on the way to drama and it was all I could think of for a while! You have a wonderful sense of fantasy and I like all the descriptions. Elizabeth is my favorite character though. I want to know more about her, and that is why I keep reading and finding the story more and more interesting. The characters are layered and there is so much that the reader wants to find out about the characters. Just some tips that I think will help make your writing look a bit more professional...when a new person is speaking, say you started off a paragraph with Elizabeth speaking and then you want Patrick to speak, start a new paragraph and have Patrick start his line. For example;

"I'm tired," Elizabeth said.

"I know. Me too." Patrick agreed.

If you put everyone's lines in the same paragraph, the reader gets confused and doesn't know who is saying what. Then they have to go back and re-read what they already did and it stops them from moving on to your new chapters. Other than that, it's coming along nicely. I like your use of italics when someone thinks. That's very good. The same thing applies to thinking as speaking. If a new person is thinking something, make a new paragraph, and afterwards, say who is thinking. Example;

(in italics) I can't believe he said that to me! Elizabeth thought to herself.

It makes what is going on clearer to the reader and makes your story look dressed up. I really can't wait to read chapter five! A boat! I just saw that you updated. Man, you're faster than me! I can't wait! I love the ship already and they aren't even really on it! Well, I've got to get reading and I'll have another review up soon! Keep at it!

Rebecca the Eccentric Crackpot chapter 3 . 12/1/2005
Yay! You updated! I can be happy now.
Rebecca the Eccentric Crackpot chapter 2 . 11/29/2005
Ooh, I can hardly wait for the third chapter. This is well written, with a good plot; I like it!
superguy chapter 2 . 11/14/2005
This chapter was amazing! Seriously! I LOVE what you've done with the characters, and within a few paragraphs, you were able to transport me from my smelly dorm room (which is very smelly!) to this fantasy world. I loved it. I like Elizabeth a lot. I want to know about her past because it seems like she is pained by it. The fact that she cries when she thinks of it is sad. I want to know more about her and I want to definitely know more about Yoshiguy. This is probably your best story so far and I really think your style has improved since you first started. You're getting the hang of it! Pretty soon you'll have the fans dying to read your next chapters! I know I was so excited when I got the email saying you updated your story. I was like, "So fast! Awesome!" It really was very good. Please write more because you left it at such a cliff hanger! I think I'll print it off and make illustrations...perhaps...

Jieun-Yesul chapter 1 . 11/12/2005
Interesting story...I hope you update sometime soon!
superguy chapter 1 . 11/3/2005
Jo, this was awesome! I love the story so far. It's very interesting and you got the action started right off which pulled me into the story. The characters are very vibrant and I liked the way you described them. I could picture them perfectly in my mind as I read. Maybe a bit more description of the world around them to give them some place...and just some quick notes, make sure that when a new person, for example, Coolness, is talking, make sure that her line is a different paragraph from Yoshiguy's because if their lines are in the same paragraph, then the reader will be confused as to who's talking. The story is awesome so far. I wonder what the grandmother told Coolness...maybe something about the man she was going to meet? Or about the necklace around her neck? I have a feeling that will be very important! Is it magical? Is is something that will change her life? Write more! I want to know what happens! Your style is coming out and that's awesome. I remember trying to find my style when I was in junior high and it was hard! I think I've found the way I write generally, but it's always changing. Anyway, keep writing and I will definitely keep reading!