|Reviews for Sirena|
| MeNoukie chapter 5 . 10/9/2014
I'm not going to get mingled in this obvious discussion that has been going on, I only wish to let you know what I think :)
I see it's been some time since you wrote this story, and you probably became a great writer. I wonder if you ever did something with this story after? That would be because I think it has potential, in essence. What I would like to mention though, is that it felt rushed. What I'm looking for is more detail, surroundings, actions, expressions, that sort of thing, and more development and character growth. I'm missing the link between Vergil and Sirena. I read a line about 'the only man she ever loved' and Vergil thinking about 'his deep feelings for this woman' somewhere pretty early in the story, and right away it made me think; 'they met two hours ago and shared fifteen minutes together'
It just makes me feel like I'm missing something, and it somehow feels like you're only aiming towards the goal, instead of the way there. I have to say, maybe that's just me, because I like a lot of tension before it finally happens, so don't feel discouraged by my words, please.
I realize I'm not the first one to have mention something of the like, but I just thought you should know that it's still appreciated, this story, and I'm sorry if you may have felt hurt by reviews in the past. I'm sure it's been no one's intention to do so. If it was, shame on them.
| xenocanaan chapter 8 . 9/6/2008
I like it!
| BellesAndRoses chapter 7 . 3/17/2007
this is crap. HA HA I GOT YOU! LOVE YA SIS!
| BellesAndRoses chapter 8 . 1/29/2006
hey babes i love your story! sis you rock! help me with mine, would ya? very romantic!
| eurazian gurl33 chapter 8 . 12/10/2005
oh...my...god! WOW! THAT WAS THE BEST FANFICTION EVER I LUVED IT! now this is what i call a fanfic...this is totally going into my favourite!
| redlettergirl chapter 1 . 12/8/2005
I don't mean to seem harsh, but this chapter comes off as rather unnecessary. You've made the fatal mistake of dumping information the reader, which makes for a rather dull and tedious read. It would be better if you could weave her back story into the story itself, instead of just throwing it out there. Also, Sirena's extensive physical description isn't really necessary. Try cutting that information down to the basics (eye color, hair color, etc.) and including it in the prose.
| BlackLion73087 chapter 8 . 12/1/2005
Well, that wasn't bad for a first story. However, i might suggest adding alot more detail to future stories. as for your other reviewers, you shouldn't feel too discouraged at the negative ones you recieved. be grateful. on the other hand, people who give you a review and put crap like "this sucks" or other useless stuff shouldn't even waste the time hitting that review button. Anyway, keep it up, i'll be waiting for other stories from you. also, please review mine, "Night" i only got like, one review for two chapters.
| Anon Guest2 chapter 8 . 11/28/2005
You got a good attitude, authoress! _
| Whip0fAlchemy chapter 1 . 11/28/2005
| mrs.johntracy chapter 2 . 11/28/2005
hey hey hey now. come on people, my editor was just trying to help. i mean, if it weren't for him, i would be posting up my original story which REALLY sucked shit. besides, i'm the one who wrote this story, not him. so if you have any complaints, i'm the one you should be bitching at, not him. though, it looks to me as if people currently are. Whip0fAlchemy was just trying to help me.
i understand that you all are trying to help me. i appreciate that you took the time to read this. but, if you think that dissing my friend, calling my story shit, and insulting everyone who likes my story helps me, then something is seriously wrong.
i would like everyone to know that i am making a sequel to this story. to the people who are on my side; thank you. to the people who hate me and my story; na na na na na na. :p
| Just another passerby chapter 7 . 11/28/2005
Hello fellow author. I see reviews are what drive you to write. I see why. So here's my review - *reaches into bag for a pre-made review for any fic (good or bad)* I got it.
LEIK OMGZ. so kewwlzz! updat plz!1!
| Lila M chapter 1 . 11/28/2005
Hello author of 'Sirena'. Your fanfic seems to cause a lot of controversy here and in my curious state I had to read it myself. It's a good start for your first fanfiction. It's quite short and doesn't show enough of Sirena's character. If any, she's a little flat. But if you had a longer fanfic, that could be fixed. You also have a habit of changing tenses. My mother's an English professor at the university here and it's really a big no-no.
Many of the reviews here are trying to help you. Especially reviews such as Sam Valentine's and Sey Lee. Because they have such long reviews to help you with what you work on to improve, their reviews are most valuable. I don't know SV well but I do know SL on some level. Believe me when I tell you, that she left you a nice concrit review. I know for a fact, that she can be really snarky at times *coughgaffcough* and it's a good sign that she left you a long review, because she only does that when she thinks an author has potential.
I know it's hard to take criticism, especially for your first fanfic, but that's because readers want you to improve. I for one would like to see another fanfic of yours in which you have grown as a writer. Reviews aren't everything author because sometimes they always don't tell you what to fix in your fanfic. It's nice to get praise, but it's even better to get concrit because it helps you as an author to develop your writing skills. Without concrit, you'll never know what you're doing wrong and hope to improve them.
For those who are telling the author not to take concrit seriously, be honest with yourselves. Don't you want to see her improve and grow into a mature and skilled writer? SV and SL are pretty brave by reviewing in their signed pennames. Their civil and professional manner of giving out concrit to the author shows how much experience they have as writers themselves. Those who are keen in insulting them and telling the author that not to listen to them are being immature. And you say they're rude by helping the author? You yourselves are insulting them personally, whilst in their reviews they didn't insult the author personally.
FYI, if you actually look on SL's favorite stories page, she has lots of stories listed there with OC. So she isn't biased against OC's in general, she's quite attracted to OC stories but like many of us on the internet, Mary Sues become the bane of our existance. MS turns canon topsy turvy.
Author of 'Sirena', I hope you aren't taking insult to the few constructive reviews on your review page. We are honestly trying to help you because you have potential as a writer. Please consider our reviews carefully because guaranteed, in a few years your writing skills will be developed and soon you'll be passing on concrit to other writers you think have potential. Thank you and have a nice day.
| Sam Valentine chapter 8 . 11/28/2005
I actually like the concept of someone who loves Vergil join him in hell, although I must admit, the reviewer who mentioned below,and I am surprised at the amount of people who try to help you,good or bad:
Reviewers who take the time want to see you excel far worthier than you can be. As your first fanfiction, it is a great feat, but you can be better and I believe everyone is really trying to help you. Take that as a sign that you have potential. Mary Sues and Gary Stus are rampant in this fandom and most readers dont like Original characters in their fandom.
Vergil is OOC because he doesn't fall in love instantly, Dante is the only one between the twins who falls in love instantly or similar to it as he did with Lady,but he does not with every girl. He did not with Lucia or Trish. I understand what you are trying to do with Vergil. He is my favorite character as I like the characters that have an evil bent. I liked Darth Vader more than Luke in Star Wars. Actually, Luke bugged me. I didn't really like Dante in DMC3 that much either. The only character I really liked was Vergil.
Siren is part siren and therefore, has a hidden talent for seducing men and you wanted to portray that between Siren and Vergil. I can see Vergil enjoying the sirens song as he is the type who may enjoy classical music and beautiful song. Your fanfiction is actually too short to portray their love, you would have to show that in a slow progressing way. That was part of the problem. Writing more chapters and more development would have made it more believable.
I find that the reviewers who are sensitive to your writing will help you,but the others who are helping you in a harsh way are always doing good by pointing out what could be much better.
Some authors would take this as an insult and get upset at the extreme harshness,but it is a way of growth and you can't always have praise constantly. Take strength in all harsh critic, it is the only way we can grow.
| Whip0fAlchemy chapter 7 . 11/28/2005
You make me laugh.
Lol, I didn't write it myself. One: I'm a guy, lol. And the author is a girl; my friend Sheryl. If you read my comment and past reviews correctly, I helped write it. Heh, I was the editor. Two: I'm sorry but your comment is not at all constructive criticism. Grow up and be a little more professional and stop spamming her reviews section.
End. Of. Conversation.
| Anon Guest2 chapter 2 . 11/27/2005
oh man, I cannot believe how cruel Anon Guest is. At least Sey Lee had some decency in the first review, but Anon Guest is really a nasty person who likes to make people feel bad about their story.
What a terrible person, but dont feel bad, authoress. You can ignore them and know you did fine for a first fanfiction.