|Reviews for Senses Failed|
| kavis chapter 1 . 8/14/2007
I'm enjoying this so far. It's pretty well written and a good read which are the most important things. Im not too well versed on old WoD, but I didn't have much trouble following along so that was good. Overall a nice start to a promising story. I look forwards to reading more.
Here are some (nit-picky) things I noticed on a first read through
"Steven couldn’t help but laugh. Steven heard his cell phone go off. Taking it out of his pocket Steven checked the number it was Samantha again." - Try to not use someone's name so much in such a close proximity. It just sounds kind of awkward to me and doesn't flow as well as it could if "he" were used instead of one of the names. I noticed a few other parts with the same issue.
"Seeming out of place he stood under the moonlight." - Kind of a weird way to say it. Maybe "Standing under the moonlight, he seemed out of place" would work/flow better.
“Damn, its already eleven pm. Samantha is gunna be pissed if I don’t get there soon.” Steven said - This seems kind of like an unrealistic thing to say to oneself. I just have a hard time imagining a real person talking to themselves in such detail. Maybe just change it to something Steven thinks? Or just shorten it to "Damn, im late..."
"Steven’s mind flooded and dulled. Everything screamed fear, run away. There was a trance set upon his mind. Dropping his books Steven stood in place." - I like this, it's a distinctly human action to freeze up and be unable to act.
"A slash to his throat and his body melted into ash." - What is he attacking with, a blade or just his hands?
"Wrapping up the used equipment they wheeled Steven out of the ER. Lost hopes and broken memories lined this corridor. Countless people died in that room and Steven joined the newest of ranks. Placing his body on a cold steel tray they put him in the morgue to rest.
“Damnit where is that boy?” Talia asked herself" - It might be helpful to insert some kind of line or spacer going across just to make it clear that a new scene is beginning.
| Satsu Ryu chapter 14 . 11/27/2006
I'm very intrigued with your story man. Please do continue this piece. I want to see where this is all going to lead up to. Steven and Talia, Dimitri and Anemthia, Cybil and Ben, and even Jacoby and Vickers (I love these guys)!
I really want to know what will happen to these fellows. Keep on writing.
| Nightlit chapter 14 . 11/14/2006
Well, interesting. I am curious as to what happened to Talia and Stephen, especially now. I also want to know what happened with Jacoby.
Oh well, not much to say about this chapter, a lot of action but not much important plot stuff.
| Vivli chapter 14 . 11/5/2006
Nice chapter, although I was a little confused why they attacked that place. Or if Vale went home how Logan had an apartment there, since that's England, isn't it?
Plus the reasoning of 'I took your soul and made you an unfeeling dead fiend so that you could defend yourself' at least deserved one hell of a slap if nothing else.
Shoulda made her a werewolf, THEN she'd still have a soul at least.
Although I'm pretty certain one of the morals of this story is that Vale's life sucks no matter what...
Only bit I'd complain about is Vale looking at herself in the mirror; she's a vampire, she doesn't have a reflection. How could she see herself? Or does the no reflection thing not apply to whatever rules you're using?
| Akuma-Kyuubi chapter 13 . 11/4/2006
Nice! UPDATE SOON! _
| Vivli chapter 13 . 10/20/2006
Okay, it's been so long since I read a chapter of this, I'm a little confused, and it's getting complicated anyway, but it was a well written and good chapter.
Although now I'm confused. Is Vale just your ordinary vampire, or something new? She seems a little...wimpy...for an ordinary everyday vampire. Did this blood thing make her something new? Or is Vale just like that?
| Nightlit chapter 12 . 9/24/2006
Wow, I am surprised, and happy that you finally included a mage. Jacoby is cool, and the storyline is getting more and more interesting. It is so wierd that Steven started as the Central character and now it seems that his entire storyline was more of a tangent to the more central storyline of Vale and the Society of Leopold. All of this is interesting to say the least. The background of everything is starting to come together and I am really curious as to what is going on.
ANd I am also curious about Ben, what is his place in all of this. Since he seems to be taking all of this in stride...either that or he too is more than he seems. You must keep writing, you simply must. I want to see what happens, where this leads. What happens to Ben now that Vale ate him? What about Steven? What about Talia and what about the society of ghouled Hunters who are trying to unlock the secrets of Vitae...
| EvilTwinOfEvilTwin chapter 12 . 8/28/2006
Well well well... another excellent chapter.
More twists turns and new story lines then most stories on have in their entirety, in one chapter.
We can all tell the action is just starting, but where will it go?
Not only is the super-natural hating Society of Leopold in town, they seem to be hoped up on Vamp-blood. The lone wolf has accidently involved two loose cannons, with a habit of finding trouble. Vale's history got EVEN more complex, and see seems to have been embraced, by her donor? Logan is concerned, Ben's in trouble, Steven is still missing, and Vicker's is a dick?
You better update soon, this is all getting to good. Keep it up.
| Vivli chapter 12 . 8/27/2006
Wow. That chapter was really dark.
Jacoby and his friend were hilarious!
I'm still not clear on everything in the plot... They made a cure for vampirism through blessing the blood of vampires?
And Vale was created from vampire blood? The blessed kind or a different kind? And what does that mean for her? (Shame she's a vampire now, because it means we can't see what effect it'd have on her human side). Well, I can hope she changes back! I liked a character being human.
And poor Ben!
Also, what happened to Steven?
| Vivli chapter 11 . 7/15/2006
That was quite a cool chapter, although I'm suprised by Dimitri's sudden mind control, or has he always been able to do that?
And I'm still HORRIBLY confused.
Except now, moreso. But still, a good build up to the mystery chapter.
| Kiary chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
lmao Amazing. I haven't read it, but i gotta get some free time to do so. It would appear you have captured an audience of sorts. I have been getting email updates lol about your work every since you wrote those FFXI stories. Anyhow, I will have to check in especially since Vivli has been enjoying this story since November of 2005. lol. Anyhow, I always did enjoy your previous stories so lets check this one out.
| Vivli chapter 10 . 6/8/2006
Whoa...creepy. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, or why Vale seems to be in a painting (unless it was just a trap), but it was a damn creepy chapter. Really surreal too. I dunno how you imagine that stuff, but it's pretty awesome. In a freaky sense.
Not sure what's going on with Steven n Talia, but it seems creepy.
And Logan is in just lots of trouble, it seems. Again, really confused. Is Celphie meant to be Vale's ancestor? The one who married Logan in the past. I dunno.
| Nightlit chapter 9 . 4/4/2006
Well, I don't really know what rules you are breaking. But since you are using both New and Old WOD stuff, the rules won't mesh anyway. Besides, its not as if the rules in the Old WOD were ever consistant anyway, even within a single tome let alone when trying to crossover.
Besides, this chapter didn't seem to break any rules that I could see.
| Vivli chapter 9 . 4/4/2006
Woo. Another update. Although I've already read this...
Vale's as brave as ever. Steven seems to finally notice Talia. Logan's completely vanished.
Some interesting stuff happens this chapter. Can't wait to see what happens next.
And I don't even know what rules you've broken. But hey, it's vampires. It's not supposed to make sense.
| Vivli chapter 8 . 2/18/2006
Wow. That was a long, and very good chapter. Full of plot twists. I have no idea what's going to happen next. Or what is happening for that matter. Jack is an utter ... urm ... nasty ... person? (What? I dunno if we're meant to swear in reviews!). And it just occured to me Vale has actually turned into a bit of a traitor. I wonder if she'll confess what she did to the others or lie about it. Either way could be interesting, but the second would make her into more of a villain (which she almost is, already doing stuff for Jack).
Also: I have no clue what's going on with Sophia. Why does Vale think she is her mum if she's not? Or is she?
And that's not even starting on what's going on with this villainous vampire!