Reviews for Shinobi Story
Kylar's-Apprentice chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
If you ever need a site to do in-depth research, go to it's part of a site called Wikia and it is what I use if I ever have a question.
EagleSpiritsWisdom chapter 3 . 1/5/2009
I wish you wouldn't make Naruto seem so weak and pathetic, I am slowly becoming dissapointed in this fic, as well as Hinata, I noticed that she hardly fought, it makes her seem defenseless, I hate that
dAvId chapter 18 . 8/6/2008
Oh my gosh, you have to continue! please! it doesnt look like your story is unpopular, what with there being more than 300 reveiws, but you can't expect 20 reveiws on every story! please continue it!

Snakeeye12 chapter 16 . 12/16/2007
I like the beginning of Naraku and Tamao first encounters. They show a interest in each other and than Naraku wants to protect her. He's a lot like Naruto.
DarkHeroOrion chapter 18 . 12/9/2007
I am not sure of what to say on this story. I can easily assume that, by the way the story was progressing, the original Konoha 11 were going to show up sooner or later, along with some of their Jounin-senseis. The plan set out for this is very intricate, with two competing factors in the shinobi world (one striving to obtain the demon vessels, and one trying to obtain the Chinese zodiac symbols-the latter reminds me of Jackie Chan adventures in a way, but with talismans instead).

I can tell that some of the OC's are a bit souped up in power and strength, but I guess you wanted to incorportate them to have them serve as Naruto's measuring stick, since he is strong in his own regards.

Overall, it is a good start, but there are way too many competing forces at work at the same time. That is what subtracts from the overall continuity. It would be best if the Akatusuki were to be eliminated first, and then introduce the new organization.

I will go ahead and give slack for the grammatical errors, since English is one of your secondary language, as well as giving you an overall good job on this work.
Alasoi chapter 1 . 8/27/2007
This story is horrible.2 words. Superpowered Ocs.

It's the number one most horrible thing you can do in a fic. And your OCs are bad too. I already hate them, the seem like bad self-insertions/dreams. The stupid main OC almost has the same name. First chapter examples of how bad this is.

"her voice was overcome by the blue-haired girl’s laughter

“That’s rich! That blonde pinhead actually thinks he has any chances against Naraku” and thus she burst out laughing once more.


“What in the world is he?” Naruto thought to himself, looking at his opponent. “With all that he didn’t even broke a sweat!”


“Sorry to say this sweetie…” began the greenhead. “… but your blonde friend is pretty weak, since Naraku-sama doesn’t even have to use his bloodline limit to defeat him…”

I'm not even going to bother pointing out the other things that are wrong with this story...

You have potential with your writing, but OCs are not the way to go, unless you are writing your own story.

OCS background characters.
Really Annoying One chapter 18 . 7/24/2007
I feel really sad that this is the last chapter of this story. It was really great. I do hope that it's not the end of you writting it. Do come back to it once you'll find the time. Until then: great job!
Ming chapter 18 . 7/23/2007
Wait, you're saying this fic is dropped? No! And it was just getting good! I mean really good! Hope you'll return to it someday, and until then: job well done!
zoom chapter 18 . 7/21/2007
nice, story. a good chapter. was kinda sad i feel sorry for tamao.

also Kiba made an apereance yeah, could you tell us how big akamaru is?is he like he is in the current manga or is he like a normal dog
Slashfilled-mind chapter 1 . 7/20/2007
In short: Love it!

And yes, your grammer sucks, but no more then mine. You should just ignore people who say that.
Hyde chapter 18 . 7/17/2007
It's a shame you've decided to drop this fic, coz it's one of the best Naruto fics I've rea so far, although Naraku seems to be more of the main character then Naruto himself (but just barely).

Hope you'll return to it someday, coz it's worth it.
Ziomster chapter 18 . 7/12/2007
Cool job... too bad that's the last chapter, especially since Kiba showed-up. Thanks for writting and hope you'll return to this fic someday. It's great!
Frankie chapter 18 . 7/10/2007
Nice job... it saddens me that this fic won't get updated anymore, coz I really grew to like it. Nice closing and btw, congrats on your exam! And good luck!
Naruto Beauty chapter 18 . 7/2/2007
Too bad you decided to end this story, coz I grew to like it. It may not be as Naruto-centered (or Hinata-centered) as I'd like, but it was still great.

Thanks for writting.
Eve-lyn chapter 18 . 6/29/2007
Nice job... it'sa sad this story is getting dropped, coz I really loved it. sure hope you'll return to it in the future. Thanks for writting!
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