|Reviews for The Rise of Doomhammer|
| wraithsoldier chapter 1 . 11/18/2005
pretty cool. in the time frame ur talking about orcs didnt really join the horde they were part of clans which made up the horde. u basically had to fight. and doomhammer rose up to be the leader of the thunderlords clan before taking over the blackrock clan and the leadership of the horde. just some little tid bits to help this story along.
| darth chapter 1 . 11/17/2005
interesting but when doomhammer was warchief he believed in both smarts and strength
| Kyn chapter 1 . 11/14/2005
Less /Willingly/ Emotional
Less sentances beggining with "Orgrim." Try "The orc" for starters and work your way up with beautiful arrayments of adjectives, for humor, anger, or other appropriate occassions. You have the bare bones of a good story. Don't let the briefness spoil it. You have a tinge of color to your words- try to exploit it. Also, if a person is living in a Barracks, it would be more likely that he would be thrown in a room with around 6 other orcs, all sharing restricted living spaces. Specially if a Guard can kick his arse. He certainly wouldn't have his own private restroom. Resources on orcs might not be the most common thing, but if you cross DND orcs/ Lord of the Ring Orcs with humans, you should get something rudimentarly proper.
I like Orgrim's temper :P
Also you have the... ah, how shall we say it? Cute and naive disease. It effects us all for a period of time.
"More than his parents deaths though, he wanted to start his own family. Orgrim wanted to love and be loved. "
There are so many better ways to say that. i'm sure you'll think of them if you ponder on it. He's an orc for goodness sake, not French /winks/. He can want these things, but flat out saying it in such a manner does not make you seem realistic.
Wow, am i harsh? Do not despair or rage, I am simply blunt and unfeeling enough to realize that pointing out flaws sometimes helps people fix said flaws. Goodluck. I hope to see you to continue with this fic, and I applaud you so far. I shall be adding this to my favorite list to watch it. Why? Because bashing out peon's brains for pissing in soup makes me laugh. Ha. Ha ha.