|Reviews for Aka Ame|
| AngelaAngel chapter 6 . 1/25/2013
It didn't bites at all to me! Actually one of my favorites, besides the hardly any action at all part of it awesome though!...REALLY TWISTED LOL did not see it coming.
| yumeniai chapter 6 . 3/25/2008
that's...urgh, so...i don't even think there's a word to discribe just how twisted this is...
| Amayada chapter 6 . 1/1/2008
why did you have to stop there? ...this is such a wonderful story...please update soon...I can't wait to read your next chapter
| purple kimono chapter 6 . 11/19/2007
i think this is a positivly wonderful story and i hope you update soon.
this is getting very interesting too.
| akuma-river chapter 6 . 2/13/2007
Absolutely love it.
| Shadewolf7 chapter 6 . 2/10/2007
Please continue this story.
| WinterChanterelle chapter 6 . 1/9/2007
Oohh please tell me this isn't discontinued! This is a very great fic. I would like to agree with the person who reviewed before me that it'd be great if it became a Roy/Ed! Even if it's subtle... It would still be nice.
And i would also like to ask about chapters 7 and 8 - where, where are they? :) They are greatly needed here!
| Aventria chapter 6 . 11/13/2006
hmm...overall, you're fine. however, if you wish to be nit-picked, i saw several places that might need commas and the like. they are only suggestions so feel free to disregard them if you like. your summary for one:
“Resistance will only put you through more pain than necessary. [a comma might be better than a full-stop] Edward Elric.” Roy [comma] who [past perfect continuous? i think this one might be a bit dodgy] the foreplay between the two [comma] couldn’t help but feel immense dread. Dread so tangible that it would change everybody in the room who were watching the in...
your story overall, flows well. there are a few kinks but you can probably find them if you wanted to edit/proof-read your works, or possibly get a beta. it depends on you. your last chapter (this one) looks a bit forced though. although attention-grabbing, the end is a bit confusing.
plot-wise, i've a question: are you going to have romantic relationships in this? and if so, can you make this a roy/ed? my fangirlishness babble aside, i'd like to see more of the flashbacks with hohenheim; it shows the dynamics of their relationship (ed and hohenheim) and shows insight to ed's character and actions. i would also like to see more of interactions between roy and ed (read: roy/ed relationship/yaoi-ness).
lastly, you've mentioned in your bio that you're currently working on chapter nine for this story. so...can you please post chapters seven and eight?
anyway, sorry for the long-windedness. hope it helps and please do post the next chapters.
| dragonzice chapter 6 . 11/12/2006
holy shit! didnt see that coming. wow, well nice story!
| sunny-rain chapter 6 . 10/3/2006
are you going to update this anytime soon? 'cause it's a very good story. Really original (as is Kurokawa, your other story). I liked the characterizations of Ed in this fic, as well as the mood and dialogue. awesome read...thanky!~
| KozuKaz chapter 6 . 7/19/2006
This is an amazing story! I love it! Your writing style is very unique; you show aspects of what the character is feeling or thinkning without giving everything away. You have good character interaction, and its realistic and kept in character considering what the characters have been through.
I like how you've portrayed how Ed has grown and changed as a character. You don't give all the facts as to why he's changed, which I like, because its doubtful that you would really write about everything that happened to him behind the Gate. Its the little things, like the way he holds himself in reserve when talking to Mustang, or how his eyes show wisdom beyond his years that make more of an impact on the reader of how much he has really grown.
This chapter seemed a bit forced, simply for the fact that you're trying to get all this information to the reader. The rest of the story flows pretty well together, and this one as well, except for the ending (got a little confused there). I think it might be good if you just brush the surface of things between Dante and Ed for now, and then go over details later, say when he's explaining it to someone. I may not like it, cause it means us readers will have to wait longer for all the facts, but I think it might be better in the long run for your story than to have everything blurted out in one go. Still awesome though!
I think you might want to put in a bit more detail into the surroundings and settings, or just actions, because it might add more to the story than just the dailouge alone and vague details. But its your story, and either way its a really good and successful story. Also, a bit more interaction between Ed and Al might be benefical to more plot twists and such, because that's a big issue that you havn't really addressed yet.
I love how you portray Envy and Ed's relationship in this fic, it really well done. Envy's thoughts on Ed are really insightful and helpful, and I agree with your thought that Ed makes a nice father-type figure, to both Envy and Al. Even though Envy is 400 years old, he's still lacking in emotional responses and relationships, but Ed is slowly helping him with that, and I love that! It's sweet how they get along like real brothers! Ed's character is expertly written and is realistic in all his feelings and responses. I love how well you've written him.
Anyway, sorry for so much constructive critism. Your story is great the way it is, and these are just thoughtful tidbits from an avid fanfiction reader, not writer, so you don't really have to pay attention to them at all. Keep up the fabulous wrting, please, and don't give up on this fic! I beg you! Please! This is an excellent story, with a great plot that has lots of potential to branch off and become something greater. I eagerly await your next update! Love, ChrisKazzy.
| NA chapter 6 . 7/15/2006
| Luna-Lunak chapter 6 . 6/16/2006
Keep on goin...
| Bananawings72 chapter 6 . 5/24/2006
I had to read that last paragraph a few times to get it... still, fantastic story!
| ShaneXvga chapter 6 . 5/13/2006
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!