Reviews for New Agent
Mr.Party chapter 4 . 11/23/2010
I say, it is quite a good story, but the major thing getting in my way is that there is an overwhelming amount of detail in here. I don't think we need to know every little bit about every weapon and accessory to get the point across. You could 'dumb it down' say, or at least stop repeating the same over-detailed information again and again. Other than that, I look forward to seeing more!
Negrath chapter 5 . 10/31/2009
I am aware that all sorts of things can be to ground for a story not reaching it's peak, but I'm at a loss to how this can be seen as anything but a story where the supposed main team(naj and -lila-) are all but unneccesarry. It is quite possible the story would have been better with -your- team as the main one, as they would appear to be the focal point of the story anyway.

Change the 'students' into 'fellow agents from different organization', and we might be getting somewhere.

Then allow 'the secretaries' to preserve at least a measure of the maturity, intelligence and experience required of their position. As it stands, from the viewpoint of chapter 5, they're the schoolgoers of the group. And we're -not- talking very advanced education, here.

Furthermore, If you are to include the titular team, -please- allow them the same. Naj, for one, is supposed to have been doing this for years. And -well-, at that.

In a pinch, allow some misadventure of Lila's to 'run interference' with her attempts to deal properly with the boys. In short, leave the 'girls' little more than NPC's or observers with their own chapters.

Sorry if this came off as overly harsh, but having an 'I don't care'-muscle of somewhat ridiculous proportions, I tend to go on at some length when there are things I -do- care about. Such as Logic, Sense, and Reason in the stories I read(needless to say, Stargate SG-1 regularly drove me up the wall with their more or less continuity-related stupidity. How I managed to watch that show to the end is one of the world's eternal mysteries). Will hunt down the manga, and if this is how things go on in that, I apologize.

Thank you.
bigtomato chapter 1 . 3/6/2008
I like the Walther P99 myself.
Evil Riggs chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
YOUR WORKS PLEASE THE MACHINE GOD

PROCEED ON YOUR PATH TO OBLIVION
xenodephrun chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
I'm interested in your wide knowledge about guns. The Five-seveN is a personal favorite, Korth revolver a rare, expensive choice, The Glock 20 is... OK, but I would have more liked if it was the 17L... But the PX4 is a not-so-good choice. It's not a bad choice, but the Walther P5 Compact is better. I see the lack of usage for the Mauser C-96 a.k.a. Broomhandle! The Manurhin is a good choice, but a Ruger... I don't like rugers. Well, anyways that's my choices. Yours are yours.

As for the fic, diction and syntax is near flawless, but there was one, big niggling problem. You have too much detail on your hands. I found it... distracting to know that Yuji wore BMW gloves...

I think you write too purple for my taste. The amount of detail is impressive, but sometimes, information overload occurs, leading to the reader, uh, fast-forwarding the scenes, and losing some of the beauty of the fic.

As I've only read the first chapter, I have my reservations. However, purple writing encourages the reader being lazy, as there are too much information to process and/or the lack of a factor that would draw the reader in more. I humbly suggest a more, uh, jovial way of writing, using the right tone or mood depending on the situation, or, let's say a excitement factor of a extravagant amount,not the cool-loner-deadpan character voices. I didn't even feel the mushiness of Rena and Shinobu's gushing over Yuji.

Hope I helped.

/x
Gungrave Company chapter 12 . 6/6/2006
Good story. It was real good. Maybe you should write a sequal to this.
General MG chapter 12 . 6/4/2006
Good Story, I guess you decided to use the anime ending for the story. But I hope you have read the manga version from ADV films that had a different ending and a new female character that would had been trouble to Yuji and Katsuya.
xSojix chapter 12 . 6/4/2006
A nice end to the story.. Looking forward to more of your works.
Ian Sarver chapter 7 . 5/2/2006
Well being a fan of NBT I am very surprised at how this story turned out. I have read up to chapter 7 in this story and it is lookig good so far. Just a minor critique here, the abbreviation you use when mentiioning the UZI should be IMI or Israeli Military Industries not IWI but other than that the story is good so far. The only reason I have to stop for now is that if I stare too long at the computer screen too long I get a headache but I will give a complete review when I finish the story.
xSojix chapter 10 . 4/4/2006
I just watched finish the anime series... And found this fic... It seems to be the only fanfiction on Najica in the Internet...

Anyway, I enjoy reading this story... Do update soon! I'm looking forward to it!
Gungrave Company chapter 10 . 4/2/2006
Its a good story so far. But answer me this: How do know so much about the weapons? Its like you were in a war before.
Jazz1781 chapter 9 . 3/28/2006
love what your doing keep it up and put out some more chapters.
rx79guntank chapter 6 . 1/10/2006
A bit hard to put my finger on this chapter, but I'd have to say nice pacing of the action. Could be a bit better if there was a bit more organization to the action sequences, but overall a good chapter.
rx79guntank chapter 5 . 1/8/2006
Nice introduction to the Yuji character. A bit short, but nice. the harrier battle was a real riot.
rx79guntank chapter 4 . 11/30/2005
I don't really know much about Najica, but it makes for an interesting read. Hope there's more.
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