|Reviews for My Eyes|
| Kisa101 chapter 6 . 1/11
So, I've had this story bookmarked for years and for the longest time I couldn't bring myself to read it to the end. Not because it was a bad story...far from it. It's a beautiful although painfully sad one. No, the reason it took me so long to read the story entirely was because it reminded me of my own past.
My situation never got to where yours did...but it was bad enough. Instead of it being one "friend" over the years, it was an entire class. I grew up with most of the same people in my class from K2 straight until I graduated high school. Some were good. Others were not. Every time I read how your friend would do something horrible to you and you defended her, I was reminded of how people in my class would bully me or find new ways to mess with me...and then I'd go out of my way to not only make excuses for them, but later help them with huge projects and assignments. I was reminded of how little I fought back and how little I said to protect myself. My best friend ended up being in a grade below mine because I just couldn't deal with most of my own class.
My self-esteem plummeted many times and while I was blessed with friends and family that did care...they couldn't understand what I was feeling. I come from a culture and a family that tells you "crying is a weakness" and "that allowing people to see your tears allows them to target you". It worked for them so that's what they taught me. So I learned to bottle up my emotions...I was pretty good at it too. Depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide became real concerns, but aside from a handful of people close to me, my family and friends know about none of it.
So, the reason why it took me so long to finish the story was because I saw myself in you and all I could feel was rage. I was angry at myself for taking so long to realize what I had allowed myself to tolerate for years. I was angry at the "best friend" character you described in the story. It was manipulation at its finest, and it started at such an early age. So I can see to at least some degree why it went the way it did for you. When I read how she'd constantly mess with you, I thought back to how a classmate...someone I thought was my friend...physically dragged me out of a study circle and would let me back in. I thought of how hard I tried to regain her friendship only to have it spat in my face...and then how I found myself helping her in math class months later as if nothing had ever happened. Your Tomoyo character infuriated me and as I read, I wanted to beat her with that flute for you.
In my anger, I could ramble on and on about this, so I will try to wrap things up. As hard as it was for me to read this story, I am so grateful to you for writing it. Our stories are not exactly the same, and I know I will never fully understand everything that happened with you, but it does remind me that there are people who can relate to each other in these types of situations...and that we're not alone. Thank you for sharing this story with everyone. I am so glad I read it. You were able to invoke some very powerful emotions within me while reading it. And if you are still on this site and see this review, please know I wish nothing but the best for you and that I hope you are doing better now than back then. :)
| Airyln chapter 5 . 4/8/2016
No, please allow me to rephrase some things I just said. I understand why you did what you did. I might not understand from first hand experience, but I see and hear things enough to understand and see unbelievable side of life. I know why you did them, and why they happened as they were, you've explained them enough. I think the reason why you didn't have the courage to pull yourself out from Tomoyo-vortex was because you have no strong foundation, which should be formed by the help from family and friends. But your way of befriending were sabotaged, and your family don't care enough to want to know about your life. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm blaming them, but it's true. Your friends are also a bit to blame because they didn't try to dig more for information and explanations from you, and just left. I mean come on, is that how shallow a friendship is?! But they're also still too young and sensitive, so they choose to avoid pain. While yours clings to you. I can't really put you in blame seat because your mind's been twisted too early, and follows you years to come, and so everything came crashing down. Just like what Midnight said, we can't and don't have the right to ask 'why didn't you just...'. Man... So much I wanted to say.
I think throughout the years, your words reached lots of people already, and helped to ease the burden of those who have a similar situation as you.
...well, anyway. Please happy. And if you're still troubled and still reading our reviews, feel free to PM. God Bless.
| Airyln chapter 6 . 4/8/2016
Oh my God! Thank your for not taking your life! And thank you for sharing this!
I'm so sorry, I can't really understand wholely how it must be to be you, what if I were to be out in your shoes. But somehow at the same time, I can understand why you did those things, why it happened as they were. I have so much in my mind and my feelings askew after reading all of this. I'm so glad you manage to share your story, and lots of people read, see, understands you, even if not in 'your eyes' way, we feel for you. Oh my God...
I bet you're not even in this site anymore, it's been a long time, like 11 years. If you get my review, will you reply me? Call me nosy, I just want to know, need to know how you're doing now. Call me a liar, all talk-no-act, and others might've said the same thing, but know that I'd be Shaoran in a heartbeat.
I guess it's because we're all adults now, and the story took when you're too young to experience this, hell no one should ever experience this. This abominable act should never be discovered in any sanity way. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh about it, because it's all you ever know back then. This is hard to explain... So much I want to say, yet at the same time I don't want to offend you.
Anyway, I'm going too long typing this. I hope you're now well and happy with your life. I really really really honestly do. So please, if you still receive this review, reply me?
And again, thank you for having the courage to put this into words and even spread it world-wide for us to see. It's really a big inspiration, push, and hope for a lot of people who needs it. And for people who feign ignorance to start paying attention to things they don't want to get bothered with, because as you said, lives are at stake.
Oh and in writing pov, I must congratulate you for your success on delivering the feelings, emotions, thoughts, tension, the whole explanations and wordings, they're remarkable. You got your character written down to a T. And I don't think I saw any typo.
So...yeah, I'll really stop now. I really, dreadfully hope to hear you welll and happy. Thank you, and God Bless You.
| sera chapter 6 . 6/19/2014
U r a really strong girl. I could never image someone could be so strong to endure the pain. But u should stand up for your self. But i understand it is easy. But i am very glad u could continue your live. N have the guts to tell us readers about this. I remamber my friend told me this words "human can't gain something whitout secrefise, but by enduring the pain, and over coming it your heart will get strongger. And you will have a fullmetal heart" she said it was from some anime she watched. Ones again congratulation for over coming your painfull past.
| Midnight chapter 6 . 4/22/2014
It seems we have something in common. Although my childhood friend wasn't this bad, there were other things to help bring me to the brink as well. Looking over the comments this fic has gotten... no one understands. They don't understand how that one person can seem larger than life, and how letting them go gets harder and harder everyday. How loneliness seems worse. One of the reasons for me was that I just didn't know any better. I met them so young, it was at an age where you have no experience and no idea what life outside of school is like. You don't realize that it really is only transient - and forcibly getting away from them is the better choice than enduring the pain. In your situation, it was certainly much harder to do so and no one has the right to ask 'why didn't you just..'.
To this day it is difficult for me to trust. Everyone, including my own family, is held at a distance. I'm constantly terrified of the few people I've let in becoming like her. I still see her or parts of her in everyone I meet and it is so very hard to get close to them. At times it feels pathetic because their words were lies; you are never as ugly or horrible as they say you are. Quite the opposite if you could stay at their side for as long as you did. You don't realize until you're older and you've had time away for them. Even then, in the early hours of the morning or in times of distress, their words come back to haunt you.
I obviously don't have the words to offer any solace on what happened. I'm still dealing with it too and I think we're the same age.
I get it.
I hope for the best for you. I hope you are still among us and that you've found some happiness. I get the feeling you are still reading comments, and in a sea of judgmental, self righteous teenagers who don't get it, I needed to give you one that did.
| Guest chapter 6 . 12/18/2013
my gosh.. thanks for the share. I can't really say that I understand what you've been through.. but I just want to congradulate you for being strong and sharing a harsh memory to us readers. Ur awesome :-)
| KawaiCardMistressOfSakuraCards chapter 4 . 10/31/2013
Sakura! Stand up for yourself for once!... I'm crying buckets here! -.- Tomoyo and Chiharu are so mean...
| cherryblossm3sakura chapter 6 . 8/25/2013
Very touching story dont ya think
| JadeColt chapter 6 . 8/3/2013
This is really sad, throughout the story I just wanted to go in there and punch tomoyo in the face. You must be a really strong person to endure such a thing, I want to go up to you and hug you now...
| fay208 chapter 6 . 9/29/2011
at some point, I really dont like what you did with the characters; using such happy character thrown into this deep, angsty/drama story. please dont mind this, I know you want to let others know about this.
I have to salute you for finally get this through. I kinda know how you feeling when getting through the friendship thingy, coz I also kinda have the friend turn to hate me(and I reciprocate that ;P) and before that, friends ignoring me all the sudden. that only occured for a while and I'm still a small kid to know what acually happened. well, thankful to my happy, loving environment, I still live happily(I can say its all due to ignorance - living in my own world). I'm a family person not a really friend person. looking back, all of that just a growing up process happened to me. you are still young and need to have someone by your side at that time. its natural for everyone to stick together even if they dont want to.
now, I still have friends(I'm a friendly person actually). best friends are ok, but somehow I tend to put a border between us. I've already discussed with some of my very good friends about that. they also said the similar things. and I remember, a senior told this to my friend and she told me; dont try to find a best friend when in university.
out in the real world, we are on our own. friends are there to support us, but to carry it out? us alone. true friend indeed exist, but we dont need to search for it. at a time, you might realise who is your true friend.
all the things that make me even if I feel lonely, there is one that we can hold on; God. relationship between humans could be fragile, but as long as we know we hold on the same thing, we never can be truly apart.
I also have low self-esteem. mainly due to my sister's bullying me when I'm a kid(see how blood is thicker than water?). however, I began to gain more. In recent months, my life had turned around. making me more matured by thinking, later; action. mainly due to huge events occured and new companies who helped me to 'stretch my wings'. I'm very thankful for that.
I'm sure after you had written this, you had relieved a huge part of you. for me, scar is there, healing process always continuous. you are God's, dont let mere humans around take your life away. everything occurred for a reason. believe me, I'm only 21 but reflecting back, behind every bad things I encountered leads to another things that benefit me. have faith in God and also to yourself.
I'm not just going to say this to you, but also to all others that struggle in their lives. remember; we are not alone. you yourself had proven that you had not submitted to your bad thoughts. this shows that you are a great, strong person. you're an admirable person. I hope your life is happy now, and always.
| Liley chapter 6 . 5/11/2011
I cried my eyes out, and you know what?
I wished i had known you so that i could save you from your ex-bestfriend(actually i don't even think she could be called that).
I would have been by your side if you would have told me. I would have protected you from her. Who was she? She was only a girl... Like Us. Nothing more nothing less.
If only you had the courage to stand up to her, or to cut ties with her, it wasn't hard was it? I mean... How could you let her do everything and let her control you?
Were you that weak? You were both girl... born the same way, same age. If only you were more confident, all theses wouldn't happen.
You meet her when you were only a child, how could you let this happen for years? For the whole story i keep thinking of myself that if i was you, i would take the courage to insult her and slap her or whatever. It only takes 1 minute to do that and you would be free from her.
If i had someone like her in my life, and find out that she was someone who would be like that, who makes me friendless and all, I wouldn't ever speak to her again, In one second i would explain to all my TRUE FRIENDS that it wasn't my all doing and then i would already cut ties with the girl which you call ex-bestfriend and have a happy life with the true friends, who was she to impose in my life, she was some crap. I Wouldn't even call her *friend* let alone *bestfriend* if i were you.
I would prefer to be alone than have a friend who is a girl so evil like her.
I still can't believe how you managed to be with her for so long. It could only take 10 minutes of your life to stop all that. But you didn't...
Why couldn't you? She was nothing important nor that strong.
Now she is out of your life. And i'm happy about that, but i doubt that your ex-bestfriend changed so i bet after that she found an other victim but that girl wouldn't be so weak and let her do that. I mean your ex-bestfriend wasn't the queen or something. She was what you would call *crazy* no one would be her friend. And She would be friendless in the end. If her relationship with her so-called friends was more like slaves...
But i doubt that there would be girls who would end up in like your situation with your ex-bestfriend since they were now adult.
This thing happened when you were only a small child so it was easier for her to take control of you.
Now i just give my best wish and hope for you.
You still have a long life ahead.
Just to say... Don't be scared of making new friends, they won't be like her at all
Meeting a girl like her is very rare she was absolutely abnormal, she is a mental and need to be put in a hospital.
You were very unlucky to have meet her.
I think right now i wished i was in your place. Because to tell the truth i'm not a weak and fragile girl. I would have put her in her place, insult her back and makes her life a living hell so that she could know how bad she was. For all the things she did to you, she now thinks that it is normal to bully and insult people.
| Hikari Hamasaki chapter 6 . 3/3/2011
I also had a Tomoyo in my life - although my story isn't exactly the same as yours. But just as bad. I'm almost 20 and I wasn't able to confront her until a few months ago but that only got things worse although we haven't seen each other for a while now. But I know for certain I'll see her again. And she still haunts my thoughts, my dreams, my days and nights... Believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel.
I wish you the best!
| Lumella chapter 6 . 8/31/2010
I read your story. Even though it's been 5 years since you last wrote this, I'm very glad you shared it. I'm glad you managed to move on even though you didn't know what to do after. I realized many things in this story. I wish you the best for everything that may come to your life :)
| NightnGale chapter 6 . 7/26/2010
I read your story and it's really touched me. I may not understand fully of what you went through but I'm jealous of how courageous you are to write this. Thankyou. Please live the life you want because you deserve it.
| Phoenix NightStar chapter 6 . 7/9/2010
I was bullied throughout of my childhood and teens. But I don’t know if this counts, but I was asking a girl I through was my girl, a personal question and she turned around and said “My mum said I was not allowed to speak to you”.
Well anyway, a very sad story. I was crying on the first time I read it.