06200 chapter 1 . 11/5/2006
goddamn shit
burning marshmallow chapter 1 . 12/19/2005
Sorry to tell you this, but this is a classic Mary Sue. As I see another reviewer has already informed you of the reasons why this is, I wish to offer some humble suggestions for improvement (unless you have written this to be a Mary Sue, then you should ignore me).

1. You have started things off too fast. I have been reading fanfics for many a year now, and one great problem that repeats itself over and over is that writers jump into the plot points too quickly. I suggest you write a few extraneous scenes and dialogue to DEVELOP YOUR CHARACTER.

2. I repeat this YOUR CHARACTER. Make shure you show us Alexa's personality, not just tell us. For example, the Malfoy mini-scene was good, but it happened too fast. I actually had to read it over again, 'cause I blinked and missed half of it. Don't forget to make Alexa believable, too (remember, flawlessness is the defining characteristic of a Sue)

In short, slow down and develop! the little things count!

Hope this was not too flamey

"Burning Marshmallow"


Because you had the sorting had say that Alexa could belong in all four houses, I expect to see all the characteristics (cunning/ambition, intelligence/logic, steadfasness/diligence, and bravery/loyalty)in her! You don't get out of a plot device that easily!


Do you mind if I keep critiquing your fic?


Hmm...Harry and Alexa knew eachother before the Potters were killed, right? That makes them childhood playmates or siblings.
calamityroo chapter 1 . 11/14/2005
This is really cool. I like Alexa's character so far. Very mysterious. Can't wait to read more!
Southern Gaelic chapter 1 . 11/14/2005
Um, right.

The thing is, Alexa is a Mary Sue, for the following reasons.

1) She's an exchange student. Hogwarts doesn't have exchange students. Maybe have her be a transfer, from Durmstrang (sp...)?

2) Her uber magic. That kind of magic should not be allowed, especially where a student is concerned.

3) The Sorting Hat thing. The Hat is NEVER stumped for sorting a student. The only exception is Harry, because the whole series is about him!

It's a well written story, but riddled with cliches, I'm afraid.