|Reviews for Defiance: Birth of the Renegades|
| Windborn chapter 57 . 10/25/2009
*sigh* Poor Rene. And Yuan, of course. Part of me is very glad you didn't end at the 'end,' so to speak, and is grateful for the epilogue, though the other part kind of wishes that the emotions of the ending had remained undiluted. Still, that's not meant to be a complaint. I can't get enough of Botta, and there are far too few Botta fics on this site. And too many of those twist his relationship with Yuan, which irks me no end. So... Sorry, that got sidetracked, didn't it?
On the whole, the story is excellent. Your Symphonia is almost more concrete and believable than the game's version (drawing on Shards for that assessment, too), and gives plausible explanations for things that seemed a little inconsistent in the canon story. Like how the Desians aren't suspicious about this extra 'Ranch,' for example. You are a magnificent storyteller, which, in my mind, is the most important thing for a writer, and something that's nearly impossible to teach. Either the spark is there, or it isn't, and you have it in spades. So even if I did periodically want to print this out and practice copy-editing on it, I couldn't, because that would require that I stop reading. _ That said, if you ever do feel like having someone go through it for just that purpose, I certainly wouldn't object to re-reading. lol
As for your characters, I enjoyed them most of all. Watching Rene grow from an innocent child to a hardened commander was a...poignant pleasure, as was her ever-changing relationship with Yuan. Then when she came full-circle, back to the abandoned role of Chosen, well. Heartrending to say the least. As for your Yuan - FINALLY someone who writes him the way he should be written! I've found two, maybe three that do him justice, so seeing a full-scale story like this that portrays him so well is a real joy. THANK you! For the rest - your characters are all so diverse and colorful, with well-developed personalities and their own little quirks that makes each one stand out. Yashin and Bryan, though, were definitely my favorites. Yashin...was an absolute treat with his eccentricities and obsessions, and Bryan made an excellent late addition to the group with his kind determination.
My only real problem came in the chapters that were primarily flashback. I enjoyed the technique, and it portrays Yuan's tendency to meld the past and present very well. However, once or twice, particularly during the trial after Z'eh's rebellion, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on or guess at what had happened to get them there. For a little bit, I was rather crushed - in my bewilderment, it seemed like Yashin had betrayed them, too. In every other instance, the following chapter cleared up the confusion - at least as far as I can remember - but that one left me floundering for a little while. Come to think of it, I'm still wondering how Yashin wound up standing as 'Judgment' and Bryan's father as Z'eh's champion. It makes sense, but those were decisions and appointments made behind the scenes, so I'm curious. Something else that might clear up such instances would be a more frequent use of names. For the most of the story, it's easy to tell who is speaking, whether by word choice or the way they put them together, which is very impressive. But in scenes like the trial, where they're out of their comfort zone and acting and speaking in ways they might not normally, it was more difficult to determine who was saying and doing what. I believe you did use tags for most things, but since at the beginning of the proceedings I didn't know who Z'eh's Champion or Judgment were, the confusion took a while to clear up.
And though all I've seen of him so far are the Epilogue and "Renegade Mentality," I absolutely adore your Botta and the interaction between he and Yuan. You manage to capture the tone, the respectful friendship... It's perfect. Your storytelling really IS amazing, and though I noticed it's been a while since you've worked on your ToS pieces (the recent updates to Father Tylor's story come as a great relief and were, in fact, what led me to the rest of them), I hope you'll continue to grace us with your interpretation of the world and its characters.
And I think this is the single longest review I've ever written. Whew. _ Kudos and Thank You for a most excellent story!
| Jessi Tsuki chapter 57 . 3/12/2009
I'm sad Rene had to die, but I still loved this story to pieces. There were several spelling mistakes, but the overall story was very well done. Thank you for writing it.
| koholint chapter 57 . 4/26/2008
Whew, I just spend the last two days reading this, and boy am I impressed! For whatever reason I didn't notice the significance of Rene's name until the chapter just before the Renegades were named. I felt silly for having not noticed it before, but that was extremely clever on your part - good work!
Again, as in "Renegade Mentality", I love the way you write about Yuan. You developed the Renegades extremely well, too. Obviously "random Renegades" cannot all be nameless, and I really loved the ones you mentioned throughout this fic. They had good character.
I like your theory of how the Renegades came about slowly instead of Yuan just suddenly up and deciding, "You know what, I don't like Mithos' plan. How about I make up an underground resistance organization called the Renegades?"
I like "Renegade birth" theories, but every one I've read is just like that.
Yours is the only one that I have read so far that really had such deep development, and a slow beginning.
Now sadly your fic is much too long for me to go back and mention every little thing I loved about each and every chapter, (sorry!), but I really did enjoy it. One thing I do wish to mention is the link between mages and their elements - it's a little pet theory of mine too, and I was just so glad to see you mention it in a Symphonia fic. It makes me see I'm not the only one that thinks so, and besides, I love the theory to bits.
I really enjoyed the fic, and I hope my somewhat-long review does it at least a bit of justice. You did a wonderful job of writing it. :)
| Roserie chapter 2 . 1/1/2008
haha, I remember reading this a long, long time ago. I'm glad I've been able to find it again. I love how you portray Yuan, his interactions with Rene are so adorable xD
| Mee Yah chapter 57 . 6/11/2007
hihihi I love this chapter XD
Yuan is so great!
My favourite quote is this one : "Think of your own melodramatic lines, my Lord, don't steal them from others." It made me think about the scene before the battle in Flanoir's base XD
| Meowzy-chan chapter 57 . 6/6/2007
No offense, but this chapter was... Well... Too long.
I got bored, so I had to stop reading halfway through and continue much later.
Still, the quality is awesome!
I couldn't help but notice that you misspelled a few names though. Like Flanoir and Fujibayashi. Perhaps you can do research on that next time?
Can't wait for the next chappie! Yup!
| teno-hikari chapter 57 . 6/6/2007
Impressive writing style once again, and I still can't believe you've managed to capture this Yuan - a non player character - perfectly. I'm amused that Botta ended up going into the Tower without Yuan's orders, perhaps to repay him for getting Kratos to spare his life. Also, I can't help but snicker when I visualize Lloyd trying to get Yuan off his stolen rheihard.
| Alaia Skyhawk chapter 57 . 6/5/2007
Nice to see the behind the scenes parts. I think there wasn;t enough of that in the game, the Renegades' point of view that it. All you saw was the odd snippet.
Happy writing :D
| Alaia Skyhawk chapter 56 . 5/8/2007
Awesome epilogue, I can't wait for the next bit. The parts with Rene had me in tears, and the part with Yuan as a 'squire' had me laughing at the mental image of a little Yuan spying on his men.
Brilliant story, as your work always is.
Happy writing :D
| Alaia Skyhawk chapter 55 . 5/8/2007
(Sniffles) That brought tears to my eyes. Poor Rene, poor Yuan.
| Alaia Skyhawk chapter 54 . 5/8/2007
I wonder what's gonna happen to Rene.
Well, next chapter
| Alaia Skyhawk chapter 53 . 5/8/2007
Wow, dark chapter
| Keaton chapter 56 . 4/12/2007
You have an ulcer? Ouch... Those look like they'd hurt. I hope you get better, along with those other things.
But wow... 56 chapters? And one more coming? Man, I wish I could read the epilogue and the last chapter... I still have about 30 or so chapters to go. I'm such a slow reader. xD
But from what I've read so far, this is a great story/novel you have here. All your characters seem so three-dimensional with neither the original or ToS's characters feeling lacking. And taking a little back story in the game and turning it into something so big and inspiring... That HAS to take skill. And... oh, this is so hard to put in words...
Well, congratulations for finishing Defiance, and I hope you continue to write. :D
| Mee Yah chapter 56 . 4/10/2007
| Ruler of the Abyss chapter 56 . 4/9/2007
Beautiful! Really really great! This is the brilliant epilouge to one of the best stories I have ever read. I really liked the flashbacks and the few insights of the continuation of the Renegades. I never would have guessed that it is "Rene"-gade. Great idea. And nice how Yuan chooses Botta. Its all just so fitting and makes the losses and sadness of the last chapters fade into a blur, just like time does, too.
However, I, again, did not understand everything. I had the problem earlier and you explained that to me. Can you do this again? Your story is just so complex and reading it in English just makes it even harder to understand everything:
I dont understand the part that is not in italics. So the main part happening in the presence. When is Martel in Colettes body with Yuan apologizing to her and who was Maverick again? I think, it was the man who killed Martel, wasnt he?
And what happens at the end? And to all my shame I have to admit, that I did not fully get this statement of Yuan:
"The man you loved is dead, dearest. He died two thousand years ago. To save a soul he died... "
What does that mean. How did he save Rene by dying? What is meant there? That his soul died by killing Rene?
Sorry for my stupidity but I really love this story and want to understand all of it.
Im waiting for your response and for the second part of the epilouge.
Really, really great!