|Reviews for Transference|
| markmark261 chapter 9 . 5/5/2006
Overall it was a great story, and I really liked the beginning and the ending of this chapter. Somewhere in the middle of this chapter I became confused though - I wasn't sure how Doom just controlled Iron Man - I thought he could just swap minds with people (like he did with Reed once back in the Lee/Kirby days). I also wasn't sure why everyone just went away and left Doom alone (unless Emma was behind that). Everyone's joviality at Ben standing in Shaw's blood seemed a bit strange as well.
Also surprised that you ditched most of the first-person narrative for the final chapter, and a bit disappointed that Sue was totally invisible this chapter.
On the nitpicky front, "Dooms peaks" should presumably have been "Doom speaks", "Tony Star’s eyes" should have been "Tony Stark’s eyes", "do you genuine believe" should have been "do you genuinely believe", "two the line" should have been "tow the line", "and et they would begrudge you" should have been "and yet they would begrudge you", "Ben Grimm’s turns around" should have been "Ben Grimm turns around", and finally "smashes the gauntlet from Tony Stark’s arm" didn't sound quite right since a gauntlet is a glove - from his hand might have sounded better.
Oh, before I forget, I liked the title of the penultimate chapter.
Looking forward to the sequel (after that ending there's got to be a sequel, hasn't there?)
| Infamous One chapter 8 . 4/17/2006
Wow...and you know Doom only pulls the mauser for special occassions.
| markmark261 chapter 8 . 4/14/2006
Great to see you continuing this. Good chapter. Liked the Thomas Jefferson bit.
On the picky front, "Doom says and raises and arm" should be "Doom says and raises AN arm", "Doom taps hire forehead" should presumably be "Doom taps his forehead", "Mebbe Ironbox lieks his security. Me, I jsut like breakin' 'em" could do with "likes" and "just" being spelt correctly, and finally, to be ridiculously pedantic, "to see its Cap" should be "to see it's Cap".
| Infamous One chapter 6 . 1/18/2006
Whoohoo,very else has their hand in the cookie jar before Victor,very interesting indeed.
| markmark261 chapter 6 . 1/15/2006
Good chapter. Although, I thought Reed's suspicion of Jameson came a bit out of the blue (I don't even recall them meeting previously in the story) and I can't help thinking that the story of the doctorate would probably have come from the University's publicity department (no wonder J thinks Spidey's a menace).
Also not sure how Ben managed to catch up with Doc Doom after a few seconds of free-fall, since things fall at the same rate regardless of mass - I guess Doc Doom's skirt must have acted like some sort of mini-parachute.
Now it's time in the review for the picky proof-reading aspects. The line "If there be a tourism bureau in this backwards little hamlet, Doom’d make a fortune." seemed to have mistakenly been put in twice. Also, I couldn't work out if it should be "If there was a tourism bureau" or whether Ben was just trying to sound like a pirate. "the source of the broom-beating makes her known" should have been "makes herSELF known". "an it occurs to me" should have been either "and it occurs to me" or "an' it occurs to me".
Finally, just 'cause I'm bored always ending my reviews on a nitpicky note when, truth be told, I'm really enjoying the story, I'll just mention that I laughed out loud at Ben's “Well, la-de-da.”
| Infamous One chapter 5 . 1/9/2006
Could we have expected anything else from Doom?I suppose not,I wonder if he took the diploma however...human fireball...nasty sense of humour that man has.
| markmark261 chapter 5 . 1/9/2006
Good chapter. Quite liked Thomas' complete disregard for Doom's speech, even though I found it a bit unbelievable (also surprised that neither Reed nor Tony attempted to stop Thomas shaking Doom's hand). Hope the King and Queen do a bit more in upcoming chapters.
On the nitpicky front, "a meter way fro us" should have been "a meter from us", your phrase "brown deerstalker suit and trousers" confused me (not sure if you missed a comma. I always thought a deerstalker was a hat and have never heard it used to describe a suit. Also suits tend to contain trousers so the "and trousers" bit seemed a bit redundant). "approaches Thomas the podium" should have presumably been "approaches Thomas at the podium". You seemed to have missed out a separator as one section switched without warning from Johnny narrating (betting with Pete) to Reed narrating (walking away from the podium). Finally I'm still having problems picturing "arms supporting his chin and steepled fingers shielding his mouth" - is this anatomically possible? Did you means thumbs supporting his chin?
Also, personally, I'd have also listed Roy Thomas' Invaders run in the introduction (then again, if you listed all Roy Thomas' series you'd probably never finish).
| Infamous One chapter 4 . 1/6/2006
in a "I love NY" tee shirt?Just the thought...
| markmark261 chapter 4 . 1/1/2006
Good chapter. Liked the second half with its revelations about Victor far more than the first half (maybe because my mind just couldn't handle Tony Stark having a sense of humour).
| Gevaisa chapter 3 . 12/27/2005
This is a great story! I'm very impressed, and intrigued by where you might be going with this. Please continue soon
| Infamous One chapter 3 . 12/21/2005
Nice,very nice!The last line was primo!
Have a happy holiday!
| markmark261 chapter 3 . 12/20/2005
Great chapter. Thought the characterisation was excellent and also really liked Reed's ranking from the Doombot.
Also glad that it looks like the transference of the title refers to Doom's college experiment. I was afraid that it was referring to transference in the Smallville sense and Victor was going to use his old Tibetan mind-swapping ability (which I've got plans for him to do in one of my stories and I didn't want you to think I'd stolen the idea from you).
On the nitpicky side, "higher-up's" didn't need the apostrophe, "parent's deaths" had the apostrophe in the wrong place, and also there was a set of quotation marks missing after "How very presumptuous of you."
Also, not sure whether "nothing less than thinly-veiled charade" should have been "nothing less than a thinly-veiled charade" or whether that was just the way Doom speaks, and "stares back the monitors" should probably have been "stares back at the monitors".
Finally, on the weird coincidence front, just curious if you'd seen the letter in the latest issue of Wizard mentioning that Doctor Doom could get an honorary doctorate.
| Infamous One chapter 2 . 12/9/2005
Nice,I like the salute to John Bryne's issue of the FF,"This land is mine",he wrote some good Doctor Doom it's nice to read this along with the new "Book of Doom"series.
| markmark261 chapter 2 . 12/8/2005
Good chapter. Especially liked the Reed/Sue interplay and Sue's comment about dreaming.
On the picky front "glances at the headline" and "lets the words" both seem to have an unwanted s at the end of the verb (I'd guess that you originally wrote the first section in the third-person and then changed it to first-person narrative). Also on the subject of verbs, "stand wave a passive 'good-bye'" and "Sue asks touches a hand to her mouth" both seem to have one verb too many.
| victor-cardigan chapter 1 . 12/7/2005
What a great start. The plot is certinaly interesting, and the prospect of Doom revisiting the old school grounds is very drawing to me as a Doom fan. In fact as an avid reader of all things Doom I think [I could be mistaken] you've hit upon a unique idea. The 1st person style works great and the only error I could see is the aforementioned milk one. So far you seem to have a firm grasp on the characters of Reed, Ben, and Johnny. Hopefully in future chapters we can how you handle Sue and Doom who here we only get a glimpse of.
Looking forward to the next chapter.