|Reviews for Fathers and Sons|
| Le Me chapter 1 . 1/13
I liked this a lot, I thought the characters were IC, and your descriptions were very nice, but I have to admit I became very distracted by the constant grammatical errors. Don't take this the wrong way, just trying to help you improve.
For example you constantly do this:
"Hello, Dr. House." He said conversationally.
When it should be written like this:
"Hello, Dr. House," he said conversationally.
I know it doesn't seem like much, but you will never see the first style in any book. When using dialogue followed by something like 'he said' or 'muttered Character X', there must be a comma between the speech and the 'he said' otherwise what you're essentially doing is splitting the clauses into two seperate sentences; two sentences which can't make sense on their own. 'He said.' can't makes sense on its own, it needs the dialogue to make a full sentence, which is why we use commas, not periods.
Also note the lowercase letter, this is used even after an exclamation or question mark in the dialogue.
"Dr. House?" said Chase.
2) Golden Rule: New Character, New Line.
"You didn't answer my question." House tapped his bottom lip with his index finger, looking thoughtfully at the Aussie. "But I have a theory." Chase rolled his eyes, praying his pager would go off to tell him the surgery was ready.
This should be:
"You didn't answer my question." House tapped his bottom lip with his index finger,
looking thoughtfully at the Aussie. "But I have a theory."
Chase rolled his eyes, praying his pager would go off to tell him the surgery was ready.
Otherwise the reader gets confused as to who's saying what line and so on. Even with descriptions such as this, the second you start talking about another character's thoughts, feelings, doings etc. you use a new line. Again, pick up any book and you'll see what I'm talking about.
3) And Finally...
You mix up 'site' and 'sight' a few times.
You need to improve your writing style or get a beta reader, the site has thousands of them. I am also available. Apart from these gripes, it was good :-) Well done.
| unnombrecualquiera chapter 1 . 9/28/2014
is very nice
| Asou chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
I want to huge Chase and make everything better :) Great story.
| rebeck chapter 1 . 9/5/2012
Love it! I think you really captured Chase's feelings in this, and I loved what House said to him. 5 stars!
| Harm Marie chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
| the curious incident chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
Spectacularly written. The issue of Chase and his father was really good and you said all the right things. I can never get enough of you and your beautiful talent for writing an angsty Chase.
| gaap237 chapter 1 . 2/26/2009
So House does have a soul! It's nice to see that he cares, no matter how little, about Chase and that he knows when to stop the heartless bastard act and actually be a person. Nice story.
| namiangelus chapter 1 . 10/31/2007
aw! this is such a cute fanfic! I loved it.
| Angelfirenze chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
This rang as rather out of character to me, at least for House. It may be the canon talking, but even before 'One Day, One Room', it's apparent that SOMEONE abused House and given his actions and words about his father during 'Daddy's Boy', that certainly alluded to John having done so. House has never said he hates anyone, not even Darth Vogler or Shitter, but he hates his father? And House isn't the sort of person to assign deep emotions to anything if he can help it. John certainly doesn't strike me (or anyone else I've talked to about the subject) as the sort of person who would willingly tell their child they loved them. He might have done so during House's infarction and House was dying at the time.
*sighs* This isn't a bad story at all. I think that if Chase doesn't know any details of House's life, he might imagine these things. However, you did say that Chase was on a balcony far away from where House and his parents were standing. It's possible that what John said was distorted as it carried to Chase's ears and he filled the blanks in with what he wanted to hear. That, to me, sounds a lot more plausible than John ever telling House to his face that he loves him.
| Lyndsay chapter 1 . 6/30/2007
OMG, that has to have been the cutest fic i've ever read about House and Chase, in a father/son kinda relationship. You should maybe do more along this story line.
| jwmathias chapter 1 . 2/7/2007
FINALLY! Someone writes Chase as a person instead of a wet cardboard cutout.
| Bo chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
Gorgeously beautiful. I want to give Chase a big hug... and maybe insult him as well.. since I like Wilson's idea of apologizing to Chase by means of having sex with him. Lolz.
| LizzehBoo chapter 1 . 9/10/2006
Good work. A few grammatical errors (nothing a beta couldn't catch), but overall, a good plotline and respectful to their characters. :)
| nixxy311 chapter 1 . 8/28/2006
I finally got around to reading this..So sad! I love a hurting!Chase
| Green Penguin chapter 1 . 8/12/2006
terrific story you've got. you always have good ones.
i love your portrayal of chase in this one, it just feels right. and he and house having their little confrontations/conversations...that was good. i think you've got a good idea of who these guys are in themselves and their relation to each other.
keep it up. you do well.