|Reviews for The Right Kind of Wrong II|
| yuniecorn chapter 1 . 5/27
That was hot
| truepain chapter 1 . 3/22/2007
i liked it iam a big fan of this pairing in the game but you took it over the top with how this started out i really enjoyed
~ pain ~
| Pathtothehikari chapter 1 . 3/18/2007
Now if i think about that part , actually is quite matching but of course it won't happen in the game
| Professor Layton's Placenta chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
that was among the best stories ive ever read. good job!
| lightningrook chapter 1 . 10/13/2006
Swet. Luv it.
| simonsaysfunction chapter 1 . 6/18/2006
mmhm..I am VERY sick and demented . I've got something...wouldn't Yuna have screamed "Yevon" instead of "God"? Just saying...very very good!
| Kenshinmoru chapter 1 . 5/20/2006
Write more please...i usually dont say plz...
but plz plz plz write more of these type of story
| Kyoko Tatsunage chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
Hey, my name's Ashley to! Awesome! Anyway great story, even though...ya..we are sick and demented. But hey...we can't help it. Keep writing. I'll look for some of your more...dignified writings. They're probably even better. Lots of Luv, Ashley.
| SpidersKiss chapter 1 . 4/11/2006
AHA! So that's what happened...*Evil smirk*
| ChibitaliaDesu91 chapter 1 . 1/21/2006
YOU NEED TO MAKE A THRID PART TO THIS! BOTH PARTS WERE GREAT! I LOVED THEM!
| Fantasy Girl7 chapter 1 . 12/24/2005
thats really good D GREAT WORK!
| mistyamethyst1312 chapter 1 . 11/28/2005
We are not sick and demented. It is perfectly healthy to like lemon. WRITE MORE!
| BlackDeath6 chapter 1 . 11/28/2005
i liked this story. it does explain why yunas hair is messed in the game. it makes perfect sense. i hope you get the next one out soon. i wonder what the pairing will be.
| SirGecko chapter 1 . 11/25/2005
This story shares the same name as the first, sort of as a sequel (though I wonder why, a they have no relation to each other at all). But, as their titles are linked, I fell that a comparison between the two is fair. So, I'll base some of this on my review.
This one-shot is not as deserving of criticism as its counterpart, though there certainly were noticeable flaws. The most noticeable one was the premise on which you based the lemon to occur. "With a sudden idea, he glanced at the woman . . ." The part that caught my eye was the first part of that phrase "With a sudden idea." No. The idea of having sex with the summoner one is guarding does not just pop into one's mind. Especially with the character Tidus, I would think he'd be rather shy to display any feelings of affection greater than a kiss, much less off-the-cuff sex.
Why did he want to have sex with Yuna? Was it because he loved her? Was it because he was afraid he wouldn't have the chance again? Was it because he thought it would be fun? Was it because he simply thought she was hot? Now, as I write this, I'm sure most of these options sould pretty foolish. But based on the plot you outlined (or lack thereof), all are legitimate questions and equally likely to be reasons within your story. It's your job as an author to pick a reason and then explain it.
even more unlikely is Yuna willing to accept Tidus's advances on her. Though she is assertive when it comes to dealing with Sin in the game, she didn't come off to me as one who was capable of handling such strong emotion well. To me, it seems much more likely for Yuna to become fearful with regards to sex, or at least uncertain. As the author, you could make her feel either way. But it's always important to describe why. You didn't. Once again I'm forced to infer for myself why Yuna consented. Unfortunately for me, I'm drawing a blank.
Again, I feel that this story is just another lemon (which, itself, was well-written), lacking a plot or reason to support it. Once again, why did they have sex? As a reader, I don't know. There was no description of satisfaction or profession of love at the end. It was just, "I'd better get back to the others." Even more unlikely. Wouldn't they feel something about what they had just done? I would like to think so.
Story Rating: * * / * * * *
| 00000 chapter 1 . 11/24/2005
thats some nice writing you got there. I liked this story and i'm hoping for the next one. Keep up the good work.