|Reviews for Revival I: The Tournament|
| GBlackwell chapter 11 . 7/31/2014
Okay, so I decided to go back and review your Revival and Identity series piece by piece, since there are multiple parts of this story and it would really be lazy to just generalize everything from all the different parts.
First things first: writing quality. I'm sure you're expecting me to say this by this point, but the over-explaining quality is still there, and I think it may be a little worse here than in your Danny Phantom stories. However, I believe you can still count this as a good thing, of sorts, since it means that your writing quality has improved over time. Also, I have something different to say about it here. It may not be just that you explain emotions in internal monologues... or at least, I don't think it's all of that. I think it's also in how you have the same sentiments repeated by multiple characters, in and out of their internal monologues.
Example: When Yugi talks to Joey about how Tea (forgive my lack of proper accenting) has been avoiding him, and Joey tells him that she's moving back to Domino. He then explains how she's lost enthusiasm because the stuff they did seemed so much more important in highschool, etc., etc. The problem is that when Yugi and Tea sit down and talk about it, she tells him the exact same thing, which comes off as repetitive.
Now, some repetition is okay, but I think it's a little clumsy here. For one thing, it's a bit weird that Joey would pinpoint all of Tea's emotions correctly like that. In real life it's more common for people to misinterpret or give a different interpetation of another person's motives, even if it's their close friend. For another thing, it basically ensures that by the time we do get the long awaited talk between Yugi and Tea, we already know everything they say. Nothing new is added. I think you should have waited before playing your best cards (...puns!) since it would have made the scene more emotionally charged and interesting.
What I would have done (and this may not be the best way, but it's an example) is have Joey explain/theorize that Tea is moving back to Domino and is probably angry at herself for it, but have him gloss over it and just say, "Look, man, who knows what she's thinking? But I know she's not mad at you. You gotta trust that." And you could give indications beforehand that Tea no longer considers dancing fun or meaningful, without her going into too much detail in her thoughts because she gets interrupted thinking of something else, or something. You could do something similar for Yugi.
Then, when the scene came along, a long, explicit discussion of what both of them have been feeling the entire time would be revlatory, and would come off as a bit more "new" to the readers. Or at least, that's what I think.
But anyway, I may be wrong about this, and let me stress that even though I think things have been overexplained at times I still very much like this story. Very much. Actually, I think it might be one of my favorite Yu-Gi-Oh! fics, to be honest. Now, moving on to what I like...
Tone: As with Infinite Potential, you manage to capture the tone and themes of the original, instead of straying off into new territory. It's rare to find a fic that does that, though there may be good ones that do stray from the tone. Of course, keeping to the original tone means that halfway through the fic I was like, "Wait... take a drink every time they mention friendship!" So yeah. Lots of friendship :) I don't have a problem with friendship, but I'd make a drinking game out of it nonetheless.
Plot: This fic is basically a slow start to the series. It takes time establishing the mood and characters and such, instead of jumping right into the life-or-death action. This is not my favored approach to storytelling (personally, I like beginning with a crisis as soon as possible) but I think it works well here because this is a monumental story, and it needs the time to ground itself before launching off. It could make the story hard to get into at first for impatient readers (I know I had a little difficulty focusing myself, but I am unusually impatient about these things) but I think it's the only approach that really could work for a story like this. Also, it's not boring by any means, since you keep dropping hints of a larger mystery throughout, but I will say that the later installments are my favorite (actually, I think the Indentity series is my favorite, but we'll get there when we get there).
Characters: Yeah, everyone seems spot on. I mean, I haven't watched the entire series but I've seen all of season 1, parts of season 2, and little bits from every other season, and what I've seen matches up. And even though I think you overexplain feelings on occasion, I like your interpretation of the characters and their thoughts and feelings. Especially poor Mai :(
I'll give special mention to Yugi and Tea. I don't exactly ship them (or anyone, for that matter. Shipping is not something I do) but I have a fondness for the pairing brought about by reading Scribbler's fics. They're the closest thing to a canon couple, and I like them both separately as well as together. I think their hook-up in the story is plausible.
As for your interpretation of them separately... I love it. I love that you have this weird Yugi/Atem mesh going on, since the weirdness of their identities was definitely there in canon and unlike most fanficcers for this fandom, you have an interpretation that actually doesn't make out Yugi to be some kind of inferior person who *needs* Atem. In some ways he is Atem, and in some ways he is separate, but in no way is he inferior. I really hate it that so many writers in this fandom assume that good and forgiving equals weak. It makes me grind my teeth. Plus, your interpretation of Yugi's identity problem as reincarnation/whatever of Atem leads for all sorts of delicious conflict and weirdness, which I like.
As for Tea... I like her. I don't like her in the original-no bear with me, I'm not bashing her! I think that in the anime she's basically shuffled off as a token female/love interest with nothing much to do that affects the plot. Plus, almost everything that she does that relates to her own character arc is usually focused around Yugi and Atem, rather than herself. Now, bear in mind that I haven't seen the entire series so I understand I may be completely wrong and jumping to conclusions... but I think the writing in Yu-Gi-Oh! is a bit sexist in this regard, pushing female characters to the side like that. The only one with what seems like a satisfactory arc seems to be Mai... but I've heard that's blown out of the water in DOMA. Again, just hearsay, and I'm not going to shout to the heavens that Yu-Gi-Oh is sexist before I've seen the whole series.
Regardless of this... I think that at her core Tea COULD have been a decent character. She has traits that, if the writers had given a damn, could have made her a good addition to the team instead of a tagalong, even if she doesn't play Duel Monsters. Also, I think the bashing for her is unjustified. I mean, she does one thing in one manga chapter that is somewhat reprehensible: ignoring Yugi's feelings and endangering herself to bring out Atem. I don't think this is good. I don't like that the story never addressed it afterwards, either. But the way fans act like she's an unforgivable harlot is simply illogical, especially when she mostly just hurt herself. It's even worse when you compare it to the behavior of fan favorites.
Kaiba: tries to kill Yugi by threatening his grandpa, fills Death T with actual corpses, hires a serial killer from jail to do the job, locks Mokuba in a penalty box for losing a game, and even when he's mind crushed twice to become a better person still manages to be an all around dick to everyone and goes out of his way to humiliate others. To the fangirls? TOTALLY FORGIVABLE!
Bakura/Spirit of the Millennium Ring: torments and manipulates his host and tries to kill of/seal away the souls of anyone who gets close to him, almost brings about the end of the world, irrationally tries to get revenge on someone who is NOT responsible for the death of his people (somewhat more understandable, though, given the morality of the time) and almost brings about the end of the world. To the fangirls? TOTALLY FORGIVABLE! HE AND ATEM SHOULD BE BFFS POST CANON.
Marik: Forces two best friends to duel each other to the death, brainwashes innocent people into doing his bidding and mind crushes them when they fail. To the fangirls? TOTALLY FORGIVABLE.
Tea: That one time she did something in canon and might have unintentionally hurt someone's feelings? UNFORGIVABLE. WHAT A BITCH.
Seriously, there's something wrong with the way (some) people in this fandom think. Then again, I also add the disclaimer that I could be misjudging characters, having not seen the entire show. Feel free to correct me on anything I'm saying.
Anyway, rant over. The point is, I like your characters, I like your interpretation of Tea and how you give her more individual development than what she had in canon.
I have more to say, but I'm running out of time. The rest will have to wait for the next review, but let me repeat that I really, really like this story. Thank you for all your hard work!
| PerfectlyPrecious chapter 11 . 10/24/2013
Yes! I've finally found a story that continues after season 5 AND has all my favorite pairings AND has a super thrilling plot as well! I love the story, I love your writing style, and I love you for writing this gem. Superb!
| oxsilvermoonxo chapter 11 . 10/3/2013
I freaked out for a second when i realized there were no more chapters. next story. right. whew. breathe.
| oxsilvermoonxo chapter 4 . 10/3/2013
this last part confused me so much. but still looking forward to continue reading :)
| oxsilvermoonxo chapter 2 . 10/3/2013
Um, so i absolutely love this. Sorry i've been sneaking in and out of your stories lately (usually i read fanfics on my ipod and it's harder to leave reviews) but i LOVE this so much and it totally deserves more gushing reviews. I'm always skeptical of long multi-fic stories like this, but i'm definitely impressed and fangirling over the way you've projected the gang into the future. I'm glad that there seems to be a decent (and very believable) level of characterization going on, and none of them are mary sue/bashing characters at all. I adore how you've portrayed yugi and rebecca in this chapter (that was HILARIOUS and there were moments where i literally had to take a moment to laugh over their antics) and i can't wait to see where this goes!
| FrostyFallon chapter 1 . 6/13/2013
Does it seem odd that I happen to be watching a show about ancient Egypt and pharaohs while reading yugioh fan fiction?
| BiblioMatsuri chapter 11 . 12/25/2012
Very well-written. On to Part II!
| BiblioMatsuri chapter 9 . 12/25/2012
Oh, for... Thank you, TVTropes. Is this story is taking elements from the "Reshef of Destruction" game?
Speaking of TVTropes, there's an article there that describes at least two-thirds of the current problems: Poor Communication Kills. Just freaking talk to each other! ...This feels like one of those horror movies where I'm screaming at the screen for the twits to not split up.
Yes, I know the characters all have a crud-ton of baggage to deal with. You can't heal until you clean the wound, though.
Also: Rebecca is affected by whatever is going on, and the villain doesn't know why. Foreshadowing?
| BiblioMatsuri chapter 8 . 12/25/2012
Swear word, swear word, swear word. The ship's crew is working for the villain! That's why Joey was told Mai wasn't there.
| BiblioMatsuri chapter 4 . 12/25/2012
Yep, new shadowy villain - and someone else opposing him, apparently on Yugi and company's side.
Chrysaor - reference to Greek myth. I wonder if that has anything to do with the plot.
| BiblioMatsuri chapter 3 . 12/25/2012
Joey: "The days of intrigue and shadow games are over." Yeah, right. How did Yugi get that emergency passport out of nowhere, then?
| mrJfro chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
good start could have been a bit better though
| Dead Turtle chapter 11 . 6/23/2012
Oh man, this story is really, really good! Looking forward to read more of it!
| Jkittycat chapter 8 . 1/6/2012
This was about when I started suspecting Evan.
| Jkittycat chapter 6 . 1/6/2012
Imagining their faces after Pegasus appears makes me crack up. This is so much like Pegasus...wait until the tournament starts so Yugi and Kaiba will accept, and then pop up and do the equivalent of "Hello, Kaiba-boy and Yugi-boy! Miss me?"