|Reviews for Shadow of the Horse: Of the Tarnished Helm|
| time2read chapter 1 . 6/2/2013
Amazing story so beautiful! And it could have happened!
| kitsune13 chapter 1 . 10/10/2008
I can't believe I've had this in my 'favorite stories' and never reviewed it! I've been so remiss. first off let me say, having been immersed in the Iliad for the past two years straight for research purposes - you've caught the feel of it that I enjoy so much just wonderfully. I love the long winding descriptions, the drum beat pattern of the sentences, the nobility that makes your mind shift higher and yet the comfort like the movement of waves as I read this. In written form alone its a pleasure to read. But the subject of the story itself - ah, I love this plot. Somehow its that one little death amidst so much death that always just breaks my heart in two. I really can't bear to read Euripides. I much prefer the Bradamant/Ruggiero answer to what happened after the Iliad. And I love what you've done here. Its a short, smart, entirely true to both character and time period plot twist and its going to be my official version of 'what really happened' in my mind at least from this point on. ;) I'm so glad you wrote this and I'm so very glad you wrote this wonderfully. Awesome job and thanks for it. You've helped take the crimson out of Homer's wine-dark sea. One last thank you. You did a beautiful job with Andromache and not many people treat her right. A double thank you for that.
| Gaslight chapter 1 . 12/18/2007
This is a stylistic triumph It reminds me greatly of "Ashes, East Winds, Hope that Rises" by ErinRua in terms of sticking so close to the original author's language and style.
It does require intense concentration for the reader, but eventually the cadence becomes such that it reads easily by the end. It's like a very rich meal and needs to be savored.
I love the interaction between the characters and how they're described, how they address each other... Really, it's like reading an ornate translation of The Iliad and you've used keen adjectives and phrases that are as close to Homer's standard terms as I've ever seen.
| YoruAyame chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Wow, taht was really great. I loved it. The storyline was magnificent and you truly kept to the style of the illiad. Thank you for a great story!
| Elena 22 chapter 1 . 12/12/2005
Great story. Can't wait for more
| D'Jiera chapter 1 . 12/4/2005
Greetings, Nut! 'Tis I, Sparrow from Who-Knows-What Realms and I hath come hither... um... eh... Never mind. But anyways, I have to admit it took me two days to finish reading this, because I've been so caught up by so many other things that I didn't have time to read it, even though it was on my mind most of the time. I feel the need to apologise... so... SORRY! I am currently rushing to write this review, as I am off to that competition in Malaysia tomorrow, and so I decided to be the first to review this wonderful piece of writing! (yes, that is a compliment. )
Now, on to the review! (I'm trying my best to critique properly... though I hope it isn't too inaccurate... Please do tell me if you disagree with whatever I have said. I'll feel bad!)
Even though I have not read the original material from which you've based this fanfic on, I can tell that you've done well in writing in a similar style. The speech is, as usual, poetic and smooth, and it is great to see that this piece of writing is flawless in terms of typos (TYPODEMONS!) and grammatical errors. However, even though you are trying to mimic another's style, the sentences tend to be a little long in terms of your descriptions. Sometimes they can be two lines long (in terms of how it is presented on FFN), which may be tedious to read, even though it flows. I have to admit that I got tired after reading this because I rarely read in this fashion - either it's me, or the long sentences. I think it's a bit of both though... An example of one of these long sentences (this one was three lines long, and it's the last few lines of this too. ):
As he emerged from the shadow of the great horse and the road yawned wide before him, he heard again the song of the morning wind, yet this time it brought no visions of the past so dear they hurt, but promises of a future unknown, uncertain, obscure as the wine-dark depths of Poseidon’s realm.
I do believe we can cut it down to smaller sentences. I'm not saying I'm a professional, but it's just my two-cents worth... I think it could be something like this:
As he emerged from the shadow of the great horse and the road yawned wide before him, he heard again the song of the morning wind. Yet this time it brought no visions of the past so dear they hurt, but promises of a future unknown, uncertain and obscure as the wine-dark depths of Poseidon’s realm.
There isn't much change, but it would look a little differently to the reader in my opinion...
Though, it's mainly a good piece of writing because it displays both your vocabulary and ability to wield words well.
Ah, now I have to be off. I shall see you another time then! Good luck, and farewell!
- D'Jiera A.K.A Sparrow -