|Reviews for Ships in the Night|
| Sound chapter 3 . 5/19
Interesting that when Keitaro was physically abused no one helped him and none of the girls turn on Naru and Motoko for it but when Keitaro sleeps with another woman, something he had every right to do by the way : he is single and he doesn't owe those girls anything, they all start treating him like a pariah ?
I'm frankly disgusted by every single one of them.
| Janitor chapter 7 . 3/17
You didn't succeed. The effort is certainly appreciated and it was actually a pretty fun read, but I'd be remiss in not admitting that the story overall isn't good. There's technical issues and thematic issues that clash with your execution.
To start, the advancements and resolution simply don't work for the length of the story. Were this something of a short(er) story, then you could be forgiven for skipping on establishing Tsuruko's motivations, Toshio's character, and Keitarou's agency. A reader would just nod, believe in the potency given the short length, and not bat an eye. The word count actually works against your intent, so as a result Tsuruko comes off as unfaithful and needy instead of stoically tortured, Toshio is just a plot device instead of any kind of personification or allegory as to your theme of "love and cherish no matter what", and Keitarou is just along for the ride, robbed both of agency and any actual chance to grow & learn from his rather considerable mistake. The length also doesn't make the infidelity of those two human feeling—it's all very left-field, and then shallow in hindsight.
That's the technical shortfall. The thematic one is on Keitarou, which I mentioned—he has no agency, here. He makes a mistake critical against the character he has established over the course of Love Hina (vol 9, I believe this particular timeline is set in?). He does not come into his own, or given a decent chance to confront his demons. That part is especially surprising, given you flaunted four different attempts to do so but only successfully had it happen once. When Toshio rats him out, he grows disgusted with the harm he causes and makes amends by leaving. But after that, he is immediately called to live with his original sin (Tsuruko) and hardly puts up a fight. Toshio shows back up and Keitarou almost accepts consequence, but Tsuruko denies that because she needs a nice guy and he's the closest one around. Motoko (rightfully) wants a pound of flesh, but that itself is swept under a rug by Tsuruko with no major consequence (the exposition epilogue is a cardinal writing sin: The author must "show", not "tell").
If the goal was to place these two together, a shorter story would better complement the path chosen for it. As it is, while a fun, coherent, and engaging read (and believe me, I was plenty engaged), I can't rightfully call this a success as core plot points and character presentation read as very shallow, even for a fantasy romance like Love Hina.
Anyways, good luck with the next one, and I'll keep an eye out. Take care.
| Pimity chapter 3 . 9/22/2019
WHy is keitaro such a useless cuck?
| creativesm75 chapter 7 . 1/14/2019
| BlueShard20 chapter 7 . 4/28/2018
You made an amazing story and it was fun to read!
| SomebodyLost chapter 7 . 8/18/2016
Very well done. You treaded the difficult road of dealing with cheating and a loving couple, which most fics avoid. And since this is the first Tsu/Kei fic I've read, I'm gonna be expecting something like this from now on now. :D
Thanks for writing!
| MegaDarkly chapter 1 . 8/30/2015
I'm going to give you your 400th review and say the story is great. Made me audibly laugh in awkward embarrassment sometimes because of the stuff that happens to poor Keitaro. In all honesty, cheating is a big turnoff for me as far as stories are concerned, but I read this one with the intention of seeing what happens since I believe this is the only real Keitaro x Tsuruko fic out here. In the end, I'm impressed. The story is still sad, regardless of the happy ending. I personally didn't feel like this was a happy ending at all. The emotions of guilt and sadness still rang true even to the end. I think the characters are in character. It was worth the read and I'm glad I took the chance to read it. Thanks for making this story. Sorry I wasn't around when this story came out. I was only a wee teenager. Haha
| Gundam Kaiser chapter 7 . 11/3/2014
Dude... mind. Blown.
I haven't ever read a Keitaro/Tsuruko fic before this, but let me tell ya: I can't fathom anyone EVER being able to top this. You just... and it just... wow. Like, I can't even think properly, I'm just that awed.
| banko54 chapter 7 . 8/15/2014
god damn it did you have to make me cry like a baby? that being said this was by far one of the best stories i have ever read. i thank you for making such a incredible story.
| davidlmcreynoldsjr chapter 7 . 4/2/2014
I loved this story, a lot of times you see fanfic that has a great plot, but is horrendously written. You used adult words, and used them well
| aznxa21 chapter 7 . 2/18/2014
Depressingly great story.
| soulmaker chapter 3 . 10/19/2013
You know, i think this story is one of the best Love hina fic's i've ever read. I thank you eternally for it.
| obsidian-fox chapter 7 . 7/19/2013
I enjoyed this story up to the epilogue. I think I would have favored a later encounter with Toshio, and a bit more drama after he initially returned.
| Rexnos chapter 7 . 5/1/2013
Parts of it worked for me, others didn't. That said, I'm of the opinion it was the fandom you were working with that irked me and not your writing.
Keitaro was very whiny. I can understand feeling guilt and regret for his actions, but he made a solid attempt at destroying himself. If it didn't seem very in character given what you showed of him, I'd likely complain more. As it stands, I felt like you did him justice given his personality. The boy lacks self esteem so severely it hurts.
I liked the first chapter a great deal. Tsuruko and Keitaro really seemed to click in that scene. Tsuruko wanted nothing more than understanding and it was obvious Keitaro had it in spades. The frequent flashbacks Keitaro had really showed something more than a simple tryst between the two of them.
| Warrior Moon Okiro Zangetsu chapter 5 . 3/23/2013
This must be one of if not the best Keitaro/Tsuruko fic i have ever read. Thank you.