|Reviews for Out of Sight, Out of Mind|
| Kelley K Wright chapter 23 . 2/9
I relly loved this fanfic and hope you continue it in the near future . And i hope kasume comes to visit Ranma in the story .
| rayminami chapter 23 . 1/20
Congrats. Great saga, of one of the best writers of .
| shugokage chapter 23 . 11/26/2013
Wow amazing story with an incredible plot!
| Guest chapter 23 . 8/31/2013
When she says "Since I met you Ranma. Since I met you…" you don't need the line that comes after it
| Guest chapter 20 . 8/31/2013
"R-Ranma…" Her eyes were almost shut, the tears collecting at the glands. "I… I…" Nevertheless, she spoke no more For her eyes had closed…
It honk it would be better if it was
"R-Ranma…" Her eyes were almost shut, the tears collecting at the glands and as her eyes closed. "I… I…Please don't" was all she got out before she spoke no more.
| Guest chapter 23 . 8/31/2013
You placed an idea several chapters ago that I hope you do
N.W.C vs N.W.C Nermia Wrecking Crew vs Nabiki's Wrecking Crew
Ryoga vs Sarutoru
Mousse vs Monlon
Shampoo vs Lime
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/30/2013
I believe it was Ranma (not sure if manga or anime) said Ryoga could get lost in a broom closet
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 4/22/2013
Ooh, feel a bit woozy
[‘feeling’ would more fit the verb tense she’s thinking in]
I don't even know!"
[Isn’t this sentence a question?]
ran the rest of the way
[Nabiki? Running? I disbelieve]
happened before yet…
I haven't seen him today…
[I thought Nabiki was the only one who remembered Ranma. This is another person who isn’t responding with something like “who’s that”]
find out anyone who doesn't know who Ranma Saotome
[Should be everybody, unless now it’s only the people immediately around Ranma]
not many people forgot about Saotome
[You mean not many people remember? Or are these people that knew him before and don’t now? The orders were ambiguous and the scene honestly left me wanting to skip ahead instead of see how things would develop. I’m feeling the same thing now]
it was people that knew him
[He went to a high school, that’s not an insignificant number of people who should at least know ‘oh, the arrogant guy in the red shirt who came to school with Akane’]
wasn't the same as before he arrived
[This goes without saying. Just “wasn’t the same” carries more of a wistful connotation that I think you’re going for]
Rubbing it with her finger, with was slightly greasy to the touch and smeared easy on her tip
[I’ve no idea what this sentence is intended to convey. Also: if there’s a memory-erasing powder, wouldn’t handling it make Nabiki lose her memory as well?]
she found the powder was somewhere in the corner
[‘somewhere’ weakens the discovery. Did Nabiki find it, or no?]
The tears filled up as she realised
[I don’t see why – she exploited him mercilessly, but was never extremely attached to him in any emotional sense. Trying to sell his curse secret to his mother and selling the location of Akane’s wedding at the end of the manga indicates she kept herself distant and really had almost no psychological dependency. If he vanished, she’d likely be mad because that would mean a lot of her betting would be gone, but not because she missed him]
nothing happened, as yet
[This second comma seems superfluous]
she selected the box with how much he owed her, and simply deleted it
[Odd, Nabiki seems more like the sort to hold a grudge. I’d think she’d leave it there if just for another aspect of the memory]
Maybe he won the tiny portion of my heart that wasn't closed away
[Dunno, I don’t think that he’d have staked that much of an importance to Nabiki. The issue is that she treated him as too expendable for this to seem In-Character]
if I lay down on your bed for a bit?"
[Issue: I’m pretty sure that they had a guest room, and it wouldn’t be unusual for temporary guest quarters to be set up if something like a bed in the master bedroom was the only option. Depending on how multi-use that room was, it varies depending on whether it’s a very old traditional-style where every square foot is expensive, or the very modern hybrid urban designs where the same thing is in play again]
the Ice Queen felt a pang of guilt at lying
[A little odd for her to be this emotional, especially this early in the story]
her first suggestion was wrong
[‘suggestion’ is ill fitting given she’s not speaking it to someone else. Presumption? Assumption? Guess?]
"Nabiki! Lunch is ready!"
[If Nabiki’s pretending to be ill, wouldn’t Nodoka have come to more quietly tell her?]
leading to the illusion of sakura blossom
[I think a reminder, not an illusion. Unless Nabiki’s been out long enough for hypothermia to start causing delusions]
You’ve got quite an interesting premise, and it’s nice to see a strictly character-focal story. The means that Nabiki evaded the drug was clever, too. Your technical aspects are very strong, but I think that you started from a basis (if only in your own plan, since it’s not quite explicitly stated) of pairing Ranma and Nabiki. This is leading to a number of OOCisms, primarily from Nabiki, who does have emotions but is probably the best among the whole cast in keeping a calm façade and controlling herself. I think the story could still happen (through what I read) because she’s a very curious character, though. She allows annoyance to slip through her mask occasionally, but if she’s secretly been in love with Ranma we don’t have hints of that – just a “suddenly I like him now”. It feels more contrived than natural.
| Guest chapter 6 . 1/23/2013
so ranma is living like ranko?
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/23/2013
you better have some really cheesy ranma nabiki parts...!
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/23/2013
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/22/2013
I liked this chapter lol
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/22/2013
I liked this chapter alot. nice going : )
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
I like the intro. really in character.
| RadicalForbiddenPizzaRoll chapter 21 . 1/4/2013
I have to agree with the worth that you put on your memory.
A few years back, I lost all memory from a Saturday night until Tuesday morning.
But... In a weird way, me not knowing what happened those two days of my life is my greatest memory so far.