|Reviews for the marriage law|
| Imwaiting4myAliceandEdward chapter 6 . 4/11
Hmm... interesting plot however I did notice quite a few... bumps along the road in your writing. One suggestion I can make is this: try writing on scenes that you can completely picture in your mind or have SOME experience with. For example they are called wedding vows, not wedding vowels. The wedding scene seemed very choppy and with a little more work could be a little more realistic. The best written fiction, is a fantasy that the author gives enough life to to become believable. Don't give up writing, simply try and put more detail 'proof' to make your stories more alive and flowing.
| twinningbigtime chapter 16 . 1/23
Sorry but this is all over the shop. I wanted to keep reading coz I thought the story could be ok but I just can't read anymore.
The grammar is truly awful and the changes in character personalities is ridiculous.
| Nella Hyuga chapter 14 . 10/8/2013
this is Kinda all over the place isnt it?
| Blood Red Gun chapter 24 . 8/5/2013
| alice1239 chapter 24 . 6/18/2012
loved the story .. :D
| ceolwen chapter 7 . 12/3/2011
I quote from chapter 7: "Is that all he did. He did not break into you?" Severus asked gripping her more."
Here is an example of your writing which exemplifies the problems others have pointed out. The first sentence should have a question mark. The second sentence is really odd - I wonder if you are an ESL speaker, which could account for this kind of problem. No one ever refers to losing virginity (or rape, in this case, as "breaking into" a person. And earlier in the story, you refer to Ginny "playing in her food", rather than "with her food". Lots of odd constructions like this, and odd ideas (giving Fawkes garlic bread - seems overly specific and bizarre, and is irrelevant to the story). The third sentence here, "Severus asked gripping her more", also doesn't work. It should be folded into the quotation since it is not a sentence in its own right. "Gripping her more" is also strange. I think you meant "harder".
There are other things - misspellings that can easily be put to rights by use of a spell check (apologize is the correct spelling, not apologize). And sometimes you just have to look things up - "wedding vowels" makes no sense (it's wedding vows).
I don't want to be negative, but I did want to give you a concrete example of the problems your writing suffers from. I suggest both getting a beta reader and investing in a practical grammar book. Your writing will improve, and your stories won't attract negative attention. It's a win-win.
| Lily Jones chapter 2 . 10/28/2011
I'm sorry, but I cannot read past this chapter. Your grammar is horrible. Your writing simple.
|Alexa1993 chapter 24 . 4/15/2011|
| GothicKitten91 chapter 4 . 3/16/2011
i find myself very lost reading this chapter...
| JohnMunchIsMyJew chapter 14 . 2/26/2011
I tried to finish reading this, I really did, but I really can't! You're grammar is horrible! You make constant mistakes in every chapter just with subject verb agreement and spelling. Second of all, it's a bit cheesy? It is written oddly. The way they speak is defiantly not how people would normally speak. The story has the potential to be very nice, it has an acceptable plot, but it is ruined because of the way it is written. It's very elementary.
Sorry, but I tried to be as honest as I can be.
| SnuggleswithSnape chapter 24 . 1/21/2011
I actually quite enjoyed your story!
My only problem was Snape was way to OOC for me.
I mean I find the Snarky potions master as sexy as hell, but he was really OOC, but it was sweet at the same time, and a nicely written story!
| JaneA0202 chapter 24 . 11/26/2010
I think that this story as the story was good, but I really didnt like that Severus was OOC, no it isnt that he was OOC, but that he was too sweet. Also Hermiones behaviour was a bit childly, she often behaved like she wasnt 18 but 15. At least I think so, maybe somebody else dont think so.
| kiera-sama chapter 5 . 6/22/2010
this is pretty good so far. i like it. the only thing i found confusing, is that, hermione's father is a muggle, and therefore unable to enter the grounds of hogwarts. and i also find it highly unlikely that hermione would let severus hit her father, weather or not his grabber her arm and was dragging her.
| Celeste Belle chapter 6 . 2/14/2010
Still good. You might want to go back and check some of the spelling.
Just thought you should know: An "A" in the wizarding world stands for Acceptable. Hermione would be shoting for an "O" which is Outstanding. Though, Snape would probably only give her an "A" (which is like a "B") even if she is his wife, just because that's who he is.
| Celeste Belle chapter 1 . 2/14/2010
Interesting so far. You should go back and check some of your spelling though.