|Reviews for From The Ashes|
| emptyword chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
Wow. That is some gorgeous writing. Every sentence is deliberately planned out, every word deliberately chosen, and yet it weaves together flawlessly.
A few things:
"drawing out his age lines into sharp relief" - The subject in this sentence is the sun, but I somehow doubt you're referring to the sun when you say "his age lines." It's a tad confusing.
"Warped cries sent ripples through the crowd, in sync with his thoughts, a new word, it spread across the crowds faster than the fire before had" - Comma splice. Try, "spreading across the crowds..."
"It was a blessing that Misao was off to Tokyo, on a visit to her Kaoru-San and Himura, he had much to think of tonight." - Comma splice again. Grammar rules dictate two sentences here.
"The lids closed upon his Amber eyes" - While I love the idea that the Mibu's eye-color is so frightening as to be capitalized, I wonder if that's what you were going for?
Anyway, I am totally hooked. You have the beginnings of intrigue and action and drama all mixed in one, and very subtly done. What's not to like?
| omasuoniwabanshi chapter 7 . 2/22/2007
You certainly started the chapter off with a bang! Makoto is such a chilling character from the very first murder through the way you described his style of swordsmanship and the silky way he agreed to protect the Choushu dignitaries.
The Akebeko scene was a nice and highly amusing contrast. Poor Tae! Once Misao gets an idea in her head it's all over. Your characterization of Tsubame was great. The way you caught her shyness in the hesitance of her dialogue worked very well, as did the way you made Misao a whirlwind of activity to the point where Yahiko wanted to stick his tongue out at her.
Aoshi's cloak and dagger meeting fit his character as well. I liked the way he shut down the serving woman's attempts to engage him in conversation, and the misunderstanding that led her to think him a poet. By the way, was there one or two serving women in the restaurant? I wasn't quite sure.
Good chapter! Good to see you posting again!
| kokoronagomu chapter 7 . 2/21/2007
in the rain... the closing music for one of the arcs... was it the kyoto arc?
anyway when i read your work i not only see the people places action i feel/see color... first part of this chapter to the end: dark browns & grays, deep blood red ... muted tones of gray ... beige brown shadows ... warm browns cream with strokes/flashes of color ... metalic gray faded brown
yes, insanity is genetic...
| Jaded Baby Blues chapter 4 . 11/25/2006
okay! I'll do this! Finally! I will review you! You are such a kind hearted guy that i cannot bear not sending you any reviews! So here goes! Wow! You're really good at freaking me out when you kept on repeating the sentance "What have I done?" over and over again! It totally gives the reader the guilty feeling the character has experienced! Great job! Add in a freaky background music and I'll be trembling in fear! Lol!_
Soujiro was so cute in this chappie! It makes me think of cuddling a sweet 8 yr old souji right now!
I salute you for making minor characters all they can be! I mean, Watsuki-sensei only drew a couple of pages of Shakku and YOU (you evil, brilliant author) made him come alive! You're so super! Kiss kiss! Mmuah mmuah!
That settles it! I oficially declare that I HATE Rou! The guy is evil! Poor poor Fuji! He did nothing at all to that evil big headed thinks-he's-too-strong Rou!
Sano sounds like Yusuke just now! All what-do-i-do-now-that it's-peaceful-again! Lol! Punks are always like that! Good guy punks that is!
Great chapter! Awesome fighting scenes...Need I say more? _
| kokoronagomu chapter 6 . 11/13/2006
very descriptive, one can picture very clearly the scenery, the actions and the people... i especially like the colors that i see as i read this.
always a pleasure.
| anaemicfaeries chapter 6 . 10/15/2006
Your computer crashed? How awful! But we're so glad you didn't throw in the towel! (momentary cardiac failure at such a thought) You hang onto that towel for as long as possible, okay? :) And speaking of computers, our one passed away unexpectedly. Wouldn't work. Hm. And we couldn't get it fixed, so we had to wait until dad could get a new one for us. And shock horror, no internet! We could have died. But, on a brighter note, there's lots of fanfic to catch up on! Imagine our delight when we saw that you not only had updates, but new stuff! Yay! Okay, we're rambling, sorry...but we've missed you. Yes. Ahem. Onto this chapter! Well, what can we say, it's beautifully written. It keeps getting better and better. You have such a way of using language! The contrast of past and present was very very well done...the description of the men fighting was just great. It was simple, it was straightforward, but it just made us feel as though we were there! A good way to start the chapter, and get us into the deep stuff, with Rou's memories of his winning fight, and then his exchange with his father, and then his memory of his father not being amongst the survivors...Rou's anger at the survivors is so typical of his personality. With every chapter, we see more and more of who he is. It's very interesting! We can't help but feel a little sorry for him. His memories are haunting him in a way, and he has all this pent up grief that he can't express in a healthy way because he was always told to be so strong and brave, and never ever weak. He's Shishio's son alright. You've quenched our thirst so far, but we're eager for more! :)
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 6 . 10/1/2006
Aha! I've finally caught up. :D This story's definitely taking on an interesting direction, and I still hold to the fact that your style seems to become more fluid with each new chapter. I also have to admit that at the bokken sparring match in this chapter, the first thing that came to my mind was a little scene from 'The Last Samurai' (hush, I know that movie's taboo when it comes to Japanese history D:) where the son of the warrior Tom Cruise's character killed in battle has a similar sparring match with another boy in the rain. Loved the image, by the way. :) Anyway, I am curious to see where you take this next! My only nitpick for now - besides the occasional typo - is the Japanese (which may very well be just my personal preference). I think some of the phrases, like "Ohayo"/"Ohayo gozaimasu" can be replaced with perfectly acceptible English translations. Some words are far more difficult to translate to English - those should be the ones left. But then again, that's also just IMHO. ;) Lots of writers do it (heck, I used to myself!), so it's up to you. Hee.
At any rate, keep up the great work! I do hope you continue to write this, since it's developing so nicely. :D I'm glad I finally caught up to it so I can pester you for updates too, bwahaha! ;D
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 5 . 10/1/2006
The prose seems to be smoothing out more with each chapter! Though this is only mostly a 'flashback' segment, I really like how you wrote it. Rou's and his mother's grief really came through quite well, and you did a fantastic job of showing rather than telling that much. However, I think the little bit at the beginning was almost a little out of place; it would be nice to see a little more of that scene take place in this chapter, even if you have to break up the flashback a little to do so. ;) Otherwise, I really did like this part. (And yes, you pointed out the mistakes, but don't forget that this is fanfiction and we can ALWAYS go back and fix them. ;3 But even so, they're not such HUGE mistakes that you've scared me off from catching up on this, either. Bwaha.) Off to chapter 6!
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 4 . 10/1/2006
Oo, this is definitely proving to be more interesting than I thought. I'm curious to see how Rou's storyline ties with the canon; he's really an interesting character so far, I think. I'm also curious to see how the first 'flashback' fits in with the rest of the story. The action scenes seemed to flow a little more smoothly this time as well. :D Again, a few booboos here and there, but nothing horrendous. Looking forward to reading the next chapter!
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
I still am enjoying this quite a lot! I did keep in mind that it's been some time since you've written this (and that your style has likely changed, as you've told me, hehe), so I will keep my constructive criticism to a minimum here since you probably already know all this, and I honestly don't think that they detract too much from the overall story. ;) The fight scene was quite nicely done, though a little bogged down with description. There are a few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but otherwise your style reads quite well. I like the characters you've presented, and I really also enjoy the timeline jumps. They really help add background to what's going on, even if it's not quite entirely apparent just yet. Looking forward to reading the next chapter! :D *skitters off*
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 2 . 9/30/2006
Ahh, a few things are slowly starting to fall into place. I really like the pace you've set for this story; you're giving a great deal of well-constructed background to whatever happens later (and I'm looking forward to reading where this leads!). Excellent work!
My only nit-picks in this chapter include a few common grammatical errors (mostly punctuation, and a few spots where sentences could be combined or reordered to flow a little more smoothly), and that I'm not too sure what I think about the Japanese phrases tossed into casual dialogue (I know what they mean, but other people who don't know Japanese might not know them); overall, however, I really do enjoy your writing style. Ah, and I wanted to quickly point out - before I forget, hehe - that it is Mt. Hiei and not Mt. Heil. Mt. Hiei is an actual mountain in Japan near Kyoto (and I have seen it! Whoo!). ;)
Anyhow! I'm off to the next chapter! :D
| Dread Pirate Rinja chapter 1 . 9/30/2006
And I am reviewing this even though I'm talking to you right now on Gmail. ;D
You may say your stories aren't so good, but honestly, I think this is a fabulous start! I'm interested to see where you take this, especially with the time differences in the scenes that might allude to something more coming in the story. Your description is fantastic; I had little trouble seeing the scene in my mind. It almost sounds like you've been to Kyoto before (have you?); the descriptions were wonderfully close to what I remember seeing of the city. Lovely so far, and I look forward to reading more of this! In fact, I'm going to go read the next chapter now. ;)
| omasuoniwabanshi chapter 6 . 9/17/2006
Great start to your chapter. The flashbacks to a simpler time when the kids were watching the adults practice, was a nice way to introduce the rest of the chapter.
Good fight scene, very descriptive with easy to picture moves thanks to the way you described everything.
Rou is as always a fascinating character, with his anger at the survivors, and his inability to believe that his dad is dead and his kid-logic about stealing a horse. That whole 'I'll pay for it later so it's not actually wrong' mentality is typical of youth.
The part about his mom:
He noticed his mother watching him from time to time, her face straight—calmed, bleached of emotions.
was evocative of the lot of women whose men go off to war. The way she tries to be stoic for her son, and the way he realizes what she's doing, was a wonderful commentary on both of them.
I liked the end too. Having Rou steal away in the dark gave the scene a hushed, expectant quality, and made me really want to know what happens next.
| SiriusFan13 chapter 6 . 9/11/2006
sorry to hear about the computer(s) crashing. that really sucks... it was pissed enough when MY computer would just shut down and delete a section of a chapter... *shudders*
ANYWAY... to the point of this review...
i really love your descriptions here (don't i always?) rou is such a well developed OC... very realistic... and i'm enjoying him immensely. ryu-san intrigues me as well... how much of that ikedaya "campfire talk" was just "accidental" misinformation or was it maybe something else? either way, he reminds me a little of katsura talking to his new redhaired recruit:P
and as usual, great fight sequences:D
the chapter felt a bit jumpy (i was confused at parts as to what was going on and when... (1868 to 1879, but it still felt like 1868 to me... not sure if it was just me being tired or not... *shrugs*)
anyway, no matter, it was a good chapter, and i can't wait to read the next!
| Jaded Baby Blues chapter 3 . 9/11/2006
There were a couple of mistakes like that bit where that Rou boy defeated his so called buddies. "..it was childish, there were wounded to tend to." It shoulda been there were wounds to tend to. Something about this Shishirou fellow gets on my nerves! Macam dia tu kuat sangat! Menyampah gila!
No offense though. It's just that I don't like this character of yours.
He irritates me for somehwat reason. The fact that he got out of that violent spar without a scratch to his body really put me off! You shoulda at least got him slightly injured. I mean you emphasised on the other boys talents and abilities but they were all like wusses with this Rou guy! Who the heck is he anyway!
Forget I asked that. Moving on! As usual, amazing description of the atmoshepre, fighting scene and etc! I simply must give you that! Is Rou Shishio?
If he is, then I can't possibly see what made him changed into a frickin' demon. His life style, what with a loving mother and all, don't seem to be a possible cause for a boy to turn into a phsycho! He he! your fic gets better and better, even though I hate Rou. No offense again!
This fic gives hints of how the Jyupongatana were discovered.
*BTW, forgive me for the Malay bits I typed. It was just a little something that irritates me about Rou. He he. keep up the good work.