Reviews for When Every Thing Falls Apart
buttonbit chapter 3 . 9/9/2008

LOrd Evans is a right little...
missevilprincess chapter 3 . 3/7/2007
Luv your story.I want to know what happens next so reveiw thanks for reviewing my story, I think you were the only person who did:(

LilJester chapter 3 . 7/2/2006
This is a cool story. Please update soon!

UsagiMiyuki chapter 3 . 5/8/2006
you know what? i think lord evans favors Tanya well pooy on him lol, good chap! please post another soon!
LaughingManiac chapter 3 . 5/7/2006
Woah... confusing! Poor Lily being so plain like that...
Fluffy Puff Marshmallow chapter 3 . 5/6/2006
Oh my gosh! I read your story and was like "Hm... I wonder who wrote this..." -because I never check authors... just summaries and titles- And realized it was my own loyal reviewer! Well that just makes this story a thousand times better! I loved it, really. From the old-timey thing to the Sirius being king (can you imagine how screwed up our world would be if a teenage Sirius Black ruled it? Oi...) Anyway... It was wonderful, and I'll be keepin' an eye on this. Peace! In the middle east!

~ Fluffy Puff Marshmellow
alaskanwoman25 chapter 2 . 4/20/2006
this is really good please add more chapters when you can find the time to do so please, thanks
UsagiMiyuki chapter 2 . 2/28/2006
cool i like alot yup yup please post another chap when ya can!
thiocyanide chapter 2 . 2/26/2006
interesting plot...esp. w/o magic. James is the one who was appointed by King Sirius right? WEll please update soon-good story
lilybookworm chapter 2 . 2/26/2006
please update
Readerforlife chapter 1 . 1/4/2006
please post more this story seems good
Claeri chapter 1 . 12/18/2005

I'm glad that you got your chapter up, and thanks for advertising me on your profile! )

I really liked your plot, but you might want ot be careful with your grammer. You have a bunch of fragmented sentences, and sometimes you forget to add S to the end of words, as in FATHER instead of FATHER'S.

You might want to go through and fix those things, or else you will definately get flames for bad grammer and stuff. Also, at one point, you used ACCEPT instead of EXCEPT. Very differant meanings!

Watch out for putting a period in the middle of a sentence, as in I WAS LOOKING OVER THE RECORD OF MY LAST TRADE OF CRAIG CAME IN. It should really be: I WAS LOOKING OVER THE RECORD OF MY LAST TRADE OF LEATHER, WHEN CRAIG CAME IN. Hence the comma instead of a period. You've got a couple times where you did that.

All in all, I liked it, and please add more!



PS read, write, eat, sleep and DANCE!