|Reviews for Looking for Magic|
| Claribel chapter 17 . 1/31/2006
What a glorious chapter this is. So gently done, so well said by Snape, and very affecting. Thank you so much for writing it so well. The story is still really good - I reviewed early on, so please be assured I'm still reading, still enjoying it, and still checking periodically for your updates.
| candledot chapter 5 . 1/30/2006
This gets better! Eloquently written, I felt i was listening in on the conversation between two dear confidants.
Excellent progression, and a logical cover/safety net for all. Finally someone who writes Lucius as a man who truley fuct up his life and regrets his mistakes, wanting something better in life for his son.
| candledot chapter 2 . 1/30/2006
I am impressed by this work so far. I have a lot of respect for authors who, no pun intended - do their homework. You have done this here. The latin was fine, and explaination of the numerology, vibrations, and herbal effectiveness were clear, logical and easy to understand. Characterization is entirely appropriate, and this flows easliy and is pleasant to read. I look forwards to reading further, well done!
| evil-mastermind666 chapter 17 . 1/30/2006
Oh, crying time!
I had a Hermione moment a while back, the yelling at God thing... It was a bad situation (long story, you know). But good for stress relief. It just...struck a chord, you know? Because I thought (and still sometimes do think) those sorts of things. I wanna give her and the others a hug!
| evil-mastermind666 chapter 5 . 1/30/2006
This is realistic! Masterful representation, I must say. *applause*
| lady-rhian chapter 17 . 1/30/2006
Great update. Wow. Quite poignant, as well. Hermione's outburst at God ... I admit, at first it felt slightly out of place, but made more sense as you provided more back story to it. Very good. :)
| Amrun chapter 17 . 1/30/2006
“Oh, him. That would be God, sir.” Hermione shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure if He’s here, but if He is, please feel free to give Him detention. May I suggest Mr. Filch, a toothbrush, and a lot of bedpans?”
THAT, my dear, made me quite literally laugh out loud. Fan fiction has not incited that from me in quite a long time. Bravo!
Because you know I can't resist ...
"'Anyway the whole year was terrible and then we got manipulated ...'"
There should be a comma after "anyway" and "terrible."
"His death, combined with all of us getting hurt tore Harry to pieces."
The phrase "...combinted with all of us getting hurt..." is an apposotive, and thus should be enclosed in commas. A comma should be inserted after hurt.
, I needed to do it without it sounding like bossing.
I'm just pointing out a little typo! Also, "it sounding like bossing," is an extremely awkward phrase. Maybe "it sounding like I was bossing them," or simply "being bossy."
This isn't exactly the write word for this context. "Basically," or something like it, might be better.
Then I offer ...
"Then, I offer..."
I’ll own to having enough of an ego that I couldn’t bring myself to give up being a Prefect.”
Are you missing a word here? "Own up," maybe?
...n in class. So I wouldn’t attract attention ...
"...in class, so I..." Alone, it is a fragment.
... consensus was essentially that Miss ...
Again, the appositive thing. Enclose essentially in commas, then read the sentence back. It flows better now, doesn't it?
...to any of it. But there were ...
This is the same as two above. Connect these two clauses with a comma, not a period. "...any of it, but..."
“Miss Granger.” Professor Snape’s soft voice interrupted.
The first period would be better served as a comma.
something extra, something special.
Change this comma to a dash.
For me, I’m the witch.
The sentence itself is a fragment, but it's colloquial, and flows well, so I would leave it. However, the comma should, again, be a dash. There's been a couple of comma splices right in a row. You could separate it by period instead. It might flow better.
...God she’s safe'.”
“Perhaps in those final moments, whatever deities there may be decided to answer their prayers and not yours.”
I know you mean these words to be Snape's, but as they are, it seems as if Hermione speaks them. It should be, "'...God she's safe.'
Perhaps in ..."
Ie, take off the quotation that ends the first paragraph, and also the one that begins the new. Continue in this vein throughout. They're powerful words, and I wouldn't want them to be marred with confusion.
for a moment,
This should be a period.
Basically, any other little mistakes are just these same ones, or other tiny ones, in different contexts. I ignored a couple of repeat errors. I'm getting more nitpicky, now, you notice, because you've got the basics down! I think it was definitely just a bit of a refresher, like you've been rusty. Every chapter is more smashing than the previous. The beginning of this story compared to now shows an obvious difference in the level of writing. I'm impressed! Keep going. The plot of this chapter I found superbly original, and pretty well executed. I look forward to the next installment. Press on!
| severus-fan chapter 17 . 1/30/2006
I LOVED this chapter. The SS/HG interaction was wonderful. I teared up when Hermione was crying, but (thankfully) didn't cry. Otherwise, I would've never of heard the end of it. Great job, I'm really loving this story. Please update soon!
| severus-fan chapter 16 . 1/29/2006
Who was screaming? Who had a deal? I'm dying to find out. I beg of you, update soon! I need to know more. This story is so good, and I can't wait for more. You have lots of talent!
| lady-rhian chapter 16 . 1/28/2006
Enthralling chapter. I am so eager for more! And an incredibly funny, interesting end. Nice cliff hanger, which I admit, I usually find quite tiresome and tedious ...
Update soon! :) This is such a great story.
| annon chapter 16 . 1/28/2006
this is great. well written, really good storyline. looking foward to the update - hope its soon
| princesssfiona chapter 16 . 1/28/2006
Aghh I can't believe it a cliffhanger and I'll probably not be able to get to ffnet for about 10 days from tomorrow (damn web filtering aat work - who do they think they are? LOL).
Loved this chapter - seeing Sev pass on only some info and getting into the good books with the mouldy one. So looking forwared to the next installment.
What a great fic.
| Amrun chapter 16 . 1/28/2006
Oi, what a cliffy! I hope the next chapter comes up soon.
Grammatically, this chapter was a ringer. Awesome.
The time line, and the mixing of the HPB/OoTP/GoF books, confused me quite a bit in the beginning.
He's gone BACK to the Riddle House? I'm still a bit confused.
Overall, though, it works. Can't wait for 17.
| PheonixFlight chapter 16 . 1/28/2006
Lovely chapter, very well written. I think that the quality of your writing has improved noticably since the earlier chapters as you get into the flow of the story. Looking forward to reading more, you've deffinatly got me hooked!
| princesssfiona chapter 15 . 1/26/2006
Thanks for posting - a lovely surprise. I hope next week is a lot better.
Love this chapter about Hermione. So she is going down the angry path. Is she still blaming herself fully or has she put most of that aside?
Look forward to the nest installment,