Reviews for Looking for Magic
princesssfiona chapter 11 . 1/20/2006
I actually liked all the background detail in the first chapters. That is what really took me into your story possibly I'm just a details person *grin*.

I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter - I love your writing style it really lets me feel the characters. I am also looking forward to HG/SS interaction - my favourite pairing.
Rageful Jewel chapter 12 . 1/17/2006
Another enjoyable chapter. I loved the obstacle course that was set up. It a shame that most of the students don't know much about dueling, especially since they are in the middle of a war. (Then again, the dueling club appeared in the second book only and there is no physical education at Hogwarts.)

I did spot one mistake though: Vector's gender. It is a canon fact that Vector is a female. If you need proof, then I suggest looking at the third HP book. In the 12th chapter, on page 244 (US edition) Ron makes a comment about how he saw Hermione talking to the Arithmancy witch (not wizard). (Or you can look up at the HP Lexicon: w w w. hp-lexicon hogwarts / hogwarts_teachers. html)

Bjornsdotter chapter 12 . 1/17/2006
I saw your story listed on WIKTT and thought I'd give it a try. Nice job! However, I have to disagree...I thought the first few chapters were quite interesting and that the detail was necessary and nicely done. Looking forward to your updates.

Gin chapter 12 . 1/17/2006
Woot! The dueling was a blast! Pun not intended. Great fun and a great chapter. This story has become one of my new favorites! I can't wait for more. :o)
snapehermionelover chapter 12 . 1/17/2006
great chapter. please update soon. i loved the snape/harry dueling. that was so cool. again a great chpater.
PheonixFlight chapter 12 . 1/17/2006
An exciting and interesting chapter. The interplay between the characters was brilliant and I love the direction in whitch the story seems to be heading. keep up the good work, post more soon!
lady-rhian chapter 12 . 1/16/2006
A lovely, delightful reprieve from the serious tones of former chapters. Potter and Snape dueling was inspired on your part, and I thoroughly enjoy your take on how wizarding duels are properly handled. I'm glad that reviews spur you on to finish chapters earlier - this is a wonderful story that I can't seem to get enough of.
severus-fan chapter 12 . 1/16/2006
Awesome chapter. Simply awesome. I loved the dueling, and I loved how Harry faced Severus. And I'm glad that Severus won. It was awesome how Harry gave Severus a good work-out at least. Anyway, this chapter was wonderful, and I wish there was more. Please, please, PLEASE update soon! For a cookie? Please?
Silverbutterfly chapter 12 . 1/16/2006
what a fantastic chapter... Honestly, you had a great idea, doing this duelling thing!

Wow, i'm still awed.

I love the way you're writing this story, the plot is still hard to identify, but i'll keep on reading.

Love, Silverbutterfly
Amrun chapter 11 . 1/16/2006
So far, I've definitely enjoyed your story. It is written on a higher level than most fan fiction around these days. You're a little rocky on your grammar, I have noticed. All dialogue punctuation should be inside the quotation marks, and sentences such as, "She blah blah blah," Person A said, should not end in a period, but in a comma, as shown; sometimes you do this, but sometimes you don't. You also lack other important commas. In a sentence such as, "No no I have not," there should be a comma after the first "no." Just be careful to put proper separation in your sentences in the future.

Your prose style is lovely, and the duel description had fabulous description, although it could have been a bit more engaging. Long sets of description such as that often need to be broken up to keep the reader following along. Otherwise, it becomes a very long "skippable" paragraph of description, even if it is well-written.

I love the amount of research you have done, and the section where Hermione develops the potion interested me a lot. However, on subjects actually within the canon (not including HPB, of course), I found your story to be a bit lacking. One example that sticks out in my mind is Harry and Ron carrying Hermione up the stairs. If you'll remember, that would be impossible. If any male attempts to climb the stairs to the girls' dormitory, the stairs flatten and throw the climbers down. That's an important detail that should not have been overlooked. Some of your characters have been slightly OOC, in my opinion. For example, I found Malfoy Sr. too sympathetic and kind. Why is his new house elf wearing a nicely embroidered tea towl, when his old was dressed in a tatty pillow case for years? Why does he not want his son to take the Dark Mark as soon as possible? Why is he even considering that Voldemort might lose? None of these characteristics are supported by previous canon, in my opinion.

The plot itself is interesting enough, and I like how you've portrayed the American Wizarding scene; it is very plausible. I don't know what I think about ALL OF A SUDDEN HERMIONE'S PARENTS DIE OMIGOODNESS, and even though it no doubt has a very important bearing on the plot, I think more foreshadowing could have been implemented and Hermione's loss could have been better portrayed.

Good job so far, and I look forward to future updates. Cheers!
Snape's Witch chapter 1 . 1/15/2006
I really hate to nitpick such a well-written fanfic (they're pretty thin on the ground here) but I find I must! 'Spit and image' is actually 'spitting image'. Since most pronounce it 'spittin' image' it's easy to come to the conclusion you did. Now I'm off to read the rest of this excellent story.
lady-rhian chapter 11 . 1/14/2006
Favorite Story, Story Alert? You're on it. This is really inventive, original, emotionally involved, and thoroughly insightful into the characters - in short, the makings of a wonderful piece of fiction (regardless that it's HP!). Your handling of the situations is deft, and I do like the idea of Lucius actually being good for once. I can see that it will probably be a while before I can read any true HGSS shipping, however, right now the focus of the story - Avalon, death, war - is right on target. Also, I enjoyed the backgroudn information earlier. I don't think it was misplaced, as it flowed seemlessly with the story. Thank you for a truly delightful work of art here on this website.
Aldara chapter 11 . 1/14/2006
Nice chapter. I have the suspiction that Lucius will turn to the Side of the Light before long... *g*

Now, how to say this without sounding selfish... Have you ever thought about posting to an archive other than ffn? Like, OWL ( owl. for example? The quality of your fic should be high enough in any case, and I think more people are likely to read it there. (Plus, I can fav it and get an email every time you update... *g*)
Elizabeth chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
By the way, I just read your profile...

Quantum TV: you can either watch it or know where it is, but not at the same time.

Thought this might give you a giggle!
Elizabeth chapter 11 . 1/14/2006
I think you gave just enough backround information; the story works very well just the way it is. As a poet and fanfic writer, I know the temptation of tinkering once a story is finished...don't do it! Yours is fine as is.

I'm glad you'll be updating regularly, as this is going to be a very interesting tale.

Good luck!
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