|Reviews for Treed|
| MynameisMike chapter 20 . 5/22
I have a huge problem with this story. I am a huge fan of Anthony Burgress's 'A Vlockwork Orange' the original and not the butchered American Version. In the original piece, you have Alex, who is very much like your despicable orcs who razzle in the old ultra violence and the old in out in out. In the original novel the 21st chapter lays out how Alex grows up and is horrified by his past actions and goes on wanting to start a family and create. I think this is what made the story a well balananced piece of work and not a clutch your pearls feminist's nightmare. I'm not sure if you have seen the movie or read the American version but they cut that out and left it so that it appeared like Alex learned nothing and glorified violence.
Anthony Burgress said genuine fiction shows a character's ability to change and that there isn't a purpose in writing a novel in which you don't show a change in morality or wisdom in your chief character or characters. He went on to say that even trashy best sellers show characters changing and when a fictional work fails to show change and merely makes its characters resloute, set, stony and unregeneritable u are out of the field of the novel and into the fable or allegory.
None of your characters showed any transformation. Why have the elf survive the rape and stay with the band if none of the orcs evolved from her presence? No, she shouldn't form a romantic relarionship with any of the orcs, especially Kurbag, that would be too complicated to pull off in a way that doesn't make you come off as a creep but I don't see why you couldn't have had Elleluliniel form a sort of friendship with Kurbag ( even if it is only a ploy for her freedom) Elleluliniel is obviously stronger in body and mind than any other elf if all the others die from rape . You didn't seem to tap into her potential as a strong female lead. But I degress maybe that was your point, to write a tragedy with no hope. I personally hate stories like this they seem almost sexist in a way, makes me feel shitty for having a dick.
Rant over, sorry for all that this story just left a sour taste in my mouth in a bad way.
| drakos4 chapter 20 . 7/27/2014
Great work! I have read "Orc brat" before and even before that "Mushog's Ride" so I came at it from the wrong end somehow but it was great to get to the beginning of it all! Thank you for the amazing stories!
| Assisted-Living-Dracula chapter 18 . 4/14/2013
Please note, this review isn't relevant to the chapter I'm currently re-reading. Also, I might be a bit drunk.
Ok, I'm not trying to be an asshole, but where are they getting the beer they drink? Like, I'm trying to imagine the countryside dotted with orkish liquor stores, but it isn't quite working. And where did Lagdush go between "Treed" and "Orc Brat"? Sorry, I'm an a*hole.
| Corinne Tate chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
I want to preface this review with a few warnings. One, I read the whole story a few months back, and have been meaning to review it for a while. Two, I typically review as I go, but this story pulled me in so well, I didn't distract myself with the reviews it deserves. Three, I hate that I have to do this off site since the review box is nailed to the bottom now (not your fault.) And lastly, I know too little of the canon work to feel entirely comfortable. Any concrit is merely my uninformed opinion. I tend to be a harsh reviewer, and that's not meant to be offensive and nit-picky, but can seem that way.
All through reading this story, I looked for the reason behind the title. It bugged me that it took so long to reveal itself. But now that I think about it, “Captured” would sound too cliché. The summary is very clear.
I want to jump in at the first paragraph, and note it seems the narrator has mixed feelings. “foul creatures had trespassed on those fair woodlands...occasional raid or killing...” doesn't seem to mesh with the term “Orkish mischief...” I think of mischief as knocking over outhouses and breaking windows, not what Orks are known for. Further in the story this wouldn't bother me; I only mention it due to the importance of the first sentences.
I'm kind of surprised the elves only got one Orc in their unexpected attack. Even if they know trouble is coming, it's not as if they can really defend against arrows coming from nowhere. Perhaps I've played too much D&D, and ascribe too much prowess to Elven archers. Maybe knowing what's to come in the story, makes me want to have a reason for the Orcs to be so cruel and bloodthirsty—like losing a number of their buddies?
I like the picture you've painted of the Elvish family life. Reading, gentle teasing, respect for parents, and the mental communication, all seem so wonderfully civilized. I also like your writing style here, as it seems slightly formal, but it's not so flowery it's difficult to follow. I like the way you set off their mental speech with colons.
Now here the parents thoughts of “Orcish mischief” fits. If they'd been a little more fearful of Orcs, then this story wouldn't have happened.
Oh, I missed this the first time through. “...Eleluleniel's growing interest in love tales and romantic poetry.” How sad, knowing what's coming. More foreshadowing in the way the sisters seem to be saying goodbye forever.
Having read through this story already, I have to wonder about all the talk between Firhador and Thalawen, concerning their extended family who never enter this story. I don't mind the extra details, as it illustrates the future Leni should have had ahead of her. But it does seem a little unnecessary.
The scene with the Orcs is such a contrast to the Elves. They barely mourn their dead, they brag about past conquests and they attack each other. They don't seem deterred at the idea of facing their death.
Overall, I got the feeling with this first chapter, that I was watching the opening scene of one of those old disaster movies. Happy people get on a plane, train or boat, amid hugs and kisses, completely oblivious to their impending doom. Even if I hadn't read ahead, your summary gives enough of a heads up to let most readers know, there's the Orcish equivalent of a bomb, fire, or iceberg ahead, ready to rip apart the idyllic family and community. If your warning didn't turn away sensitive readers, I don't know how they could click on the next chapter, knowing they'll likely see the “unpleasant” stuff start to unfold.
Your writing is very clean and descriptive. My only complaint is that the Elves seem to be overconfident in the way they dismiss the Orcs as not much threat. You've made this plausible, as those who remember the war, only care who won. I would just think that with so much at stake, postponing the trip for a few days would have made more sense. What's the rush? It seems with the longevity of Elves, having a little more patience to assure themselves that the Orcs that were spotted are long gone, would have been more prudent. I get that this is just one of those mistakes that have to happen, in order to set up the story.
You could have easily written in a delay, where the they gave the guards and watchers time to scour the forest to find the Orcs. Perhaps a hiding place or cave would have allowed the enemy to evade? At least that wouldn't leave me feeling like they were stupid. But it's your story, and maybe you intended to leave plenty of guilt and blame to go around.
| Guest chapter 20 . 7/1/2012
Did the orcs assume her parents would not stop at anything to find her? Dummies! I can't wait until her father does! Good story. Very brutal and dark. I'm glad the rape has no romantic edge to it, i hope Leni doesn't get Stockholm syndrome though that in itself is a very interesting topic for a story like this.
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/1/2012
Kurbag is a nasty bastard fuck turd, but for all the devastation this poor girl is going through she seems to still see beauty. Thats interesting.
| Guest chapter 18 . 6/29/2012
This is fucking disgusting! I am not insulting you as a writer but omg ew! puts tears in my eyes. Why won't he leave her alone?
| Guest chapter 12 . 6/28/2012
Dark and disgusting
| Tilius chapter 20 . 6/25/2012
| Belmondo chapter 20 . 11/23/2011
There's nothing to critique here. This is pretty much the best writing I've encountered on this site. Seriously. This is amazing, first class, professional stuff. I would pay money for this. I mean, WOW. You're like, some kind of goddess. I love you, and I want to have your kittens. In an anonymous hetero internetty sort of way, of course.
Plus you write orcs perfectly. .LY.
Please. Please please. Write more.
| Enigma infinite chapter 20 . 10/13/2011
The darkest of dark fantasy fic. My praise to you.
| eye of the divine chapter 20 . 6/24/2011
I love you're work it is amazing! I loved it all I can't really find fault to be honest _ I loved the bit when they entered the house and the carpets bit it made me laugh. Kurbag was an amazing character! It also made me sad in the fact Leni experienced so much abuse.
I can't wait to read more of you're work _
| Lucy chapter 20 . 3/21/2011
This chapter has giiven me hope. Leni will not die but if she does she will have her hurts mended in the west. If she doesn't her father will find her and kill those who hurt her. Though i don't hate the orcs, they are evil.
| Lucy chapter 19 . 3/21/2011
I actually cried when Ele...Elf girl asked the tree if it was huorn. Poor elf girl defying the odds by living through her rape. if the situation was different if kurbag was such a queer orc and did not rape her I would find them a somewhat cute couple just for being so different. Very good story. Very sad. Very very sad.
| FuyuKoneko chapter 20 . 3/15/2011
I love your other story Orc-brat, but I didn't think I would enjoy this one that much. In Orc-brat, Kurbag seems...simple-minded, especially this part " Kurbag was not a fool but he did have a habit of stating the obvious. The other Orcs sometimes mocked him for it, though he took it in good humor. It seemed to be part of his natural volubility, this business of conversation without purpose: talk for the sake of talking. Eleluleniel had never understood how any one living person could talk so much and say so little." and Eleluleniel seems like a walking dead at times. But, this story exceeds expectations! I like how Eleluleniel keeps having hope until the very end. I was surprised to see the ending note that only 3 months have passed. I though several years must have passed for Eleluleniel to have changed so much.
I didn't enjoy reading Lord of the Rings, but the way you write orcs is amazing. They're not monsters or psychopaths. They're more like children who's never been taught morals.