|Reviews for suprise!|
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/4/2015
I think it was sex ron and hermoine kissing
| KELLYNTOMM1120 chapter 1 . 7/2/2014
Nice! I enjoyed reading this story! Keep up the good work!
| Topaz123 chapter 1 . 3/15/2011
you need to right more
| avalon2000 chapter 1 . 1/26/2006
This seems like a rushed excuse to write this scene. Spend some time over the plot, build-up makes it better. Its good that detail was kept minimum. Imagination makes these scenes better for the reader.
And dont let your creations be spoilt by poor grammer, spelling and punctuation, its worth making it right.
that said, youve got this scene out of your system, now write more.
| Mistress of Craziness chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
Lol, this wasn't very good... But I'm not going to be rude or anything, I just want to point out a few things:
1. Capitalize things... Each time someone talked, you started the sentence with a lower case. You don't have to do that.
2. This story moved to fast, making it completly pointless. Slow it down a bit. And maybe make it a bit longer. This was really short...
3. This isn't advice, it's just a thank you for not going into detail! After reading stories that go into WAY too much detail, I feel utterly disturbed and creeped out. Thanks again!
Ok, that's all I had to say. Other then that, it was good...I guess... But you know what, I don't really care! People on here are so pathetic; acting like Roger Ebert, and trying to give advice on how to write the perfect fanfiction... Please... Hm... Guess I'm acting like a bit of a hypocrite, 'ay? Oh well! Don't care! Life goes on! XP Anyway, keep trying! I'm sure you'll get the hang of this stupid site someday, and also be able to make a wonderful fanfiction that everyone who read's it will love! XP Just keep writing, and keep improving.
| clichebusters chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
It's a cross between over-the-top with the sex and... not. Thanks for leaving out the basic details, however.
Second, you hardly used any capital letters in the beginnings of the sentences in quotations.
...And HOW OLD ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE? Guh...
With a Wink and a Whack,
Kyle 'Fifi' Melavowig- Cliche Busters, Inc.
| Psyduck Ranger chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
I think you need to bump up the rating...