|Reviews for A Love Like No Other|
| Guest chapter 18 . 5/27
Right more. Please :(
| Guest chapter 18 . 4/27/2014
Where is the rest of the story?!
| Mooglicious chapter 18 . 4/14/2014
No No No please keep going on wit the story I beg yoou !
| LordHatredX chapter 18 . 4/6/2014
hopefully theres more chaps if not its to bad
! ! !
| Guest chapter 18 . 10/22/2012
This is getting interesting! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Guest chapter 18 . 8/21/2012
First off this is not a flame. I am simply taking the time to offer some constructive critique on your work. I know you can delete this review, but I hope you will read it before you discard it. Hopefuly, I can help you perfect the craft of writing which you seem to rather enjoy. You have good stories, which are solid foundations on which you can build. It would benifit you to add the characters points of view. Action and dialogue can only take a story so far. As a reader I would love to know what the characters are thinking and feeling. That builds on your character development. I know these are characters from a video game, but we still benifit from understanding how they react in certain situations.
Another suggestion would be to 'Show don't tell' the story. Verbs and adverbs are a writer's best friend.
(A small, dainty hand slowly reached out, grasped the doorknob, however, it was soon released.) The moment you used 'however' you just took the reader out of the story. I'm confused if it was Yuna's hand on the knob or some phantom person. If it was Yuna I would go with something like this; (Yuna reached out and grabbed the doorknob. She paused. She swore she had heard a noise come from the otherside. Yuna's mind swirled in a fog. She was exhasted. Maybe she had imagined the sound. Yuna lowered her head and exhaled heavily. She released her grip on the knob and walked away.)
I'm not sure what your character is thinking, so this might be a bad example. But it does offer an example by what I meant by show don't tell. Plus, shorter sentences have greater impact. Especially in action scenes. For expample; Frank raced through the darkened forest. His heart pounded inside his chest. He had to get to the village. If the wolves found him they would rip him to shreds. A low howl echoed throughout the woods. Frank's breaths were labored. He forced his legs to move faster. The wolves were close.
Anyway, I'll stop there with that example. Also avoid pronouns like, he and she. Many times pronouns make sense, but there are times that they can make things confusing. For example; (A pair of dark, blue eyes fluttered open, his head throbbing with pain. He groaned, trying to move only to find himself tied up. He looked around at all the guards to stood before him, his eyes narrowing with anger as he as last looked upon Eblis, who stepped forth from within the guards.) I have no idea who 'He' is. If it's Tidus, please state that. It makes reading this easier. Try to use the character names whenever possible. I'm not saying to always do that, but in this case at least at the beginning of the paragraph. Or if you have multiple characters talking don't use 'he said she said, try and say 'Yuna said , or Tidus grumbled.' It's less confusing.
There are some nit-picky punctuation issues, but that's easy to overcome. After a quote don't use a period unless nothing is coming after. If you do this; "That's not what I meant," Yuna said, glowering. You need commas in place of the periods you have. You often use commas where you could use either 'And' or a full stop with a period. Commas are significant pauses to a sentance that can often change the structure of the sentance to mean something completely different.
Simile's are fun. Let's try to use them more than you do. It is sometimes better than just saying 'Yuna frowned.' (Yuna's brows crashed together like two airships in a wreck. Tidus' eyes were like icy daggers, ready to pierce her soul. Rikku's words cut like razer blades. Every syllable stung and tore at Gippal's heart. Gippal's soul crumbled into a blackend void.) These are all fun. Simile's are great ways to discribe areas as well. (The airship flew into a hangar the size of two city blocks.) That's visually better than 'into a large hangar.'
Again, I am not flaming your work. I would just like to help make it even better. I'm sure you're not planning on publishing a novel, so this may prove to be useless to you. But if you enjoy writing maybe one day you might be interested and these suggestions may go a long way. I, myself used to write on fanfiction a lifetime ago. I was praised on here for my work, but little did I know how completely horrid it was, violating many rules of storytelling. I have not shared what I have learned with everyone. I choose to share this with you because you still write and enjoy the craft. Unlike me, you did not have to spend thousands of dollars to find this out.
I wish you luck in your future writing endevors, wheather professionally or just for fun. Take care, Tiff. I will not leave another review such as this. But I hope you realize that I wanted to genuinely help you out. It is hard as an artist to not take critique personally. I'm still learning this myself. Rejection is horrible. People are not kind. This world is truely lost. Wheater 'Partura' ever hits the shelves or collects dust on my desk, I will still think of you and the support you lent me so many years ago. Enjoy the gift you have and allow it to flourish, my friend. Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself.
| SexyVirus chapter 18 . 8/21/2012
O.M.G! I can't wait for the next Chapter! T_T but i kinda hate it when Yuna gets raped!? 1 request, i really Love all of your stories, and I was kinda Hoping that you could update for that Vampire Story? Pretty PLEASE?
| Dragon and Sword Master chapter 18 . 6/10/2012
Thank you for the mention, that was very kind of you. Why do I have a feeling that mysterious man is Auron?
Until next chapter
| Dragon and Sword Master chapter 17 . 6/9/2012
With a cliffhanger like that, I surely hope you do have that next chapter ready! Glad to hear that all of your personal stuff is dealt with (hopefully in a good way) and glad to see that you're writing again!
Talk to you soon, I hope
| Dragon and Sword Master chapter 16 . 10/12/2011
Damn, Damn and triple damn. This is not good...not good at all. What's the fate of Gippal though...is he alive or is he dead?
Still, this was a great chapter, especially with the response that I assume you wanted and you got it.
| Super-Silent-K chapter 16 . 10/9/2011
*Rips his heart out* _
| Lover of A Good Story chapter 15 . 7/2/2011
Love this story alot. Any chance at an update after 4 years?
| azurex chapter 15 . 6/4/2009
what wouldn't i give to be Yuna in this chapter! (LOL just kidding. XD) Your story's really good so far. *thumbs up* btw a lot of stories Yuna is like " Stay with me until the end" and Tidus goes " Not until the end, always". was it in the game? i dunno...
| Randy chapter 15 . 11/15/2008
Whoa another great story :) im glad that she left that jerk i dont like him she should stay with tidus i am a big tidus and yuna fan. Hmm i wonder if they will inprison tidus for yuna goin 2 c him? I cant wait till the next chapter! :)
| TidusandYuna09 chapter 15 . 5/27/2008
ARGH! great story! when is the next chapter gonna be up? i cant wait to read it. Keep up the good work!